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I recently started a thread about CCRC'S and received some terrific advice and information. Thank you.
DH is 76. He is ready to look at CCRC's and other residency options to help with his needs and reduced abilities as he ages. At 63, I'm awfully young for that.
Truly - this is the first time our age difference has been a factor in our marriage. How do you balance these different stages of aging?
If he is now 76, and you are 63, in just 15 he'll be 90, and you'll be 78, if he passes then, you might want to live that lifestyle for yourself. So you can "shirttail" on his program and be set when the time comes for you.
Next, if it also provides help for him in a time of need, YOU may welcome any help that can come along with the program.
Also, you do need to think of HIS care and stage of life.
MY OH is 4 years older than I, which is not as huge as your age difference, but still my OH is 60 and I'm 56. My OH is fairly healthy, and I am the not-so-healthy one. As we look to aging life when my OH reaches 70 and officially retired, we may want other options for both of us, assuming we both live another 10years.
And lastly, we are dealing with a 91 yo father/FIL who has dementia. He is currently in a nursing home, and now they say he is "to good" to be there, and should be in assisted living, so we will be moving him. Eventually, if he lives a long while longer, he may have to go back to a nursing home. It's been a message caring for him, and wish he had gone into assisted living long before now. MIL passed in 2013 at 85, and after a major stroke 2 decades before, it was a message caring for her at home, hospital trips, nursing home rehab, eventually hospice and finally passing in the hospital. FIL had promised her he would care for her at home and that she could die at home. That took a hard toll on FIL, on us spelling/helping FIL vwith MIL during bad times, etc.
Had they moved to assisted living arrangement, they could have had help along the way, even though assisted living is loose care, not full time care. Still it would have been easier on all of us.
My OH and I have no kids, only a nephew/wife and great nephews, none of whom we expect to take serious care of us, but as we age,very expect we will need something in the way of assisted living or helping living situation.
Best time to plan for you both is to start now, not wait til critical care is needed.
I think you'll be greatful you took early steps for final days of retirement.
None of is wants to admit we are getting older!!! But it happens whether we like it or not.
But what do I know?
I'm not you and I'm not him. Just try to look at it from his perspective. He may actually be looking out for you. He may not want you to be totally burdened with him if he gets in bad health and can't take care of himself, let alone you and a living arrangement.
If he is now 76, and you are 63, in just 15 he'll be 90, and you'll be 78, if he passes then, you might want to live that lifestyle for yourself. So you can "shirttail" on his program and be set when the time comes for you.
Next, if it also provides help for him in a time of need, YOU may welcome any help that can come along with the program.
Also, you do need to think of HIS care and stage of life.
MY OH is 4 years older than I, which is not as huge as your age difference, but still my OH is 60 and I'm 56. My OH is fairly healthy, and I am the not-so-healthy one. As we look to aging life when my OH reaches 70 and officially retired, we may want other options for both of us, assuming we both live another 10years.
And lastly, we are dealing with a 91 yo father/FIL who has dementia. He is currently in a nursing home, and now they say he is "to good" to be there, and should be in assisted living, so we will be moving him. Eventually, if he lives a long while longer, he may have to go back to a nursing home. It's been a message caring for him, and wish he had gone into assisted living long before now. MIL passed in 2013 at 85, and after a major stroke 2 decades before, it was a message caring for her at home, hospital trips, nursing home rehab, eventually hospice and finally passing in the hospital. FIL had promised her he would care for her at home and that she could die at home. That took a hard toll on FIL, on us spelling/helping FIL vwith MIL during bad times, etc.
Had they moved to assisted living arrangement, they could have had help along the way, even though assisted living is loose care, not full time care. Still it would have been easier on all of us.
My OH and I have no kids, only a nephew/wife and great nephews, none of whom we expect to take serious care of us, but as we age,very expect we will need something in the way of assisted living or helping living situation.
Best time to plan for you both is to start now, not wait til critical care is needed.
I think you'll be greatful you took early steps for final days of retirement.
None of is wants to admit we are getting older!!! But it happens whether we like it or not.
But what do I know?
I'm not you and I'm not him. Just try to look at it from his perspective. He may actually be looking out for you. He may not want you to be totally burdened with him if he gets in bad health and can't take care of himself, let alone you and a living arrangement.
Best of luck to you sorting it all out....
ious
I think "planning for both" is exactly what the OP is doing. She is investigating various possibilities on her own and has asked here on CD for the experiencs of others.
A friend of mine recently passed away at 77, the story was that she fell in the kitchen and fractured her skull and maybe she did...I don't think we will ever know though. He husband is 61, I really thought they were in love but when I spoke to her daughter I found out different. After she died her kids found out that in the 6 months before her death he had talked her into refinancing the house, he deposited the equity of hundreds of thousands of dollars in his own account. And during that same time period he talked her into making him the beneficiary of her life insurance (her 3 kids had been beneficiaries) After her fall she was in a coma for a week, during that week he sold her jewelry and cleaned out her bank account. Her kids also found out that several years ago he talked her into using his bank account for her SS check deposits (he claimed it was to help her manage money better).
I'm not implying this is typical for a couple with a 16 year difference in age but I think anyone considering such a relationship might want to consider that the motivation isn't always love.
Golddiggers can be male or female. If I were the daughter, I would get a lawyer....but in reality, there is very little you can do if you do not have the money to pay lawyers to fight a jerk like that.
If my husband passes away before me, I am NOT getting re-married. You not only can lose your assets, but you can lose your life.
A friend of mine recently passed away at 77, the story was that she fell in the kitchen and fractured her skull and maybe she did...I don't think we will ever know though. He husband is 61, I really thought they were in love but when I spoke to her daughter I found out different. After she died her kids found out that in the 6 months before her death he had talked her into refinancing the house, he deposited the equity of hundreds of thousands of dollars in his own account. And during that same time period he talked her into making him the beneficiary of her life insurance (her 3 kids had been beneficiaries) After her fall she was in a coma for a week, during that week he sold her jewelry and cleaned out her bank account. Her kids also found out that several years ago he talked her into using his bank account for her SS check deposits (he claimed it was to help her manage money better).
I'm not implying this is typical for a couple with a 16 year difference in age but I think anyone considering such a relationship might want to consider that the motivation isn't always love.
That's awful. Was this guy the father to the kids? Was it her original husband?
Golddiggers can be male or female. If I were the daughter, I would get a lawyer....but in reality, there is very little you can do if you do not have the money to pay lawyers to fight a jerk like that.
If my husband passes away before me, I am NOT getting re-married. You not only can lose your assets, but you can lose your life.
She talked to two attorneys they both told her to file a police report, the police refused and said there was no evidence that he had committed a crime. And I agree, if my husband dies before I do I'm definitely not getting married again.
Christ have you read the stories about what goes on in nursing and hospice care homes?
Sure....anything is possible but I’m not sure you understand what my finances, resources and capabilities are either. If it so happens she becomes incapacitated where her quality of life is better in a nursing home rather than at home I will deal with that, but even that being said the average cost would be no different if she was at home or in a nursing home. So that cost is there regardless of where she is staying. Unless the care she needs is where it’s physically impossible for me to arrange quality care at home my wife is gonna stay at home.
You think I’m gonna put my wife in some nursing home where she is gonna get abused and violated by some disgruntled worker?
I admire you so much.
Nursing homes cost between $5K and $10K a month. I can hire a housekeeper, call in meals on wheels, call restaurants to deliver food. I can also hire caregivers to take care of both of us. Gardeners don't cost much.
Our house is large, so maybe a caregiver can live with us for free room and board in exchange for caring for us at night or during the day.
I would hate if if either one of us or both of us get dementia or Alzheimer's. If I could not care for him, I would have to place him in a facility. That being said, I would care for him at home for as long as I could.
My plan is to age in place at home. There are also adult day care centers to spend the day at if one of us needed a break.
My house is paid off, so this is the cheapest place for both of us to live.
Uber and the "Get About" bus for seniors can help out.
That's awful. Was this guy the father to the kids? Was it her original husband?
They weren't his kids & it was her second marriage. He always seemed a little shady but I never thought he was smart enough to pull all that off without getting himself in trouble.
They weren't his kids & it was her second marriage. He always seemed a little shady but I never thought he was smart enough to pull all that off without getting himself in trouble.
Wow. Still hard to believe that people can be so potentially awful.
Did he get everything? I'm sure the kids fought him to the death.
Wow. Still hard to believe that people can be so potentially awful.
Did he get everything? I'm sure the kids fought him to the death.
yep, he got everything. The police wouldn't do anything and two attorneys the kids spoke to said that they wouldn't be able to prove that anything he did was against her wishes, she wasn't senile there was no evidence of her being incompetent, and they were married and she didn't have a will, so everything went to him. A few years ago she told one of her daughters that she wrote a will leaving 1/2 of the equity in the house to her kids, but if she did actually write one it disappeared
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