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My husband started working for his dad when he was 13 years old. Because of severe health problems he will be retiring next month. He has always worked the same job. He has always lived within a 20 mile radius. His entire life.
We are in the process of buying a very modest little house 150 miles away[ one quarter the price it would cost here]. My husband has said to me, at least 20 times "I don't know if I could handle living far away from where I have always lived." I have told him that I understand every time. I found out last night that to him, 150 miles away might as well be a different planet.
I have lived all over the country. To me, living 150 miles a way means that we are living near where he always lived, near the kids and grandkids, less than a 3 hour drive away. I believed that was close enough when he said that he could not handle living far away]
I told him not to worry. We didn't need to buy the house [houses, we plan to rent out] that we would figure something else out. We do not have a lot of money [spent it all looking for a cure for ill son, just started saving again a few years ago]and Bobby is adamant that we go ahead, but he admitted that he is TERRIFIED.
Please help me figure out ways to make this transition easier for him.
so sweet to be concerned about his feelings with this.
Guess all you can do at this point (assuming you two have decided this is a good move for you both) is to be supportive and understanding - which is sounds like you are being.
Drive to where you are moving a few times before the move. Explore. Have lunch. Poke around. Find a park and a library. Get the feel of the place before hand.
Then, you just have to understand that he is worried about this.
I'd also make sure the bedroom looks a lot like the old one. Get his feedback on it when you do change it, so he feels like he has some control.
I imagine he will have a few months of anxiety, but that he will learn to like his new home.
Quite a few years ago, we lost a small fortune trying to find help for our very ill son. this left us several hundred thousand in debt. So, to try to make some of it back, we moved into a tiny travel trailer in the mountains. That is where we currently live, as is our disabled son. NO privacy. I look my age and then some [chemo lizard skin] but my husband finds me beautiful. I promised him that I will belly dance for him [like before I got sick and had no privacy] and he is thrilled.
Also, since he will have more time for walking, I told him that we will be able to slightly raise his caloric intake. He is happy about that.
We are getting a free chicken coop and he has always wanted to raise chickens for the eggs. Another good thing.
silibran, I am going to use the comforter we are using now and we will be putting the old bedroom furniture that we have stored away and set it up the same.
Quite a few years ago, we lost a small fortune trying to find help for our very ill son. this left us several hundred thousand in debt. So, to try to make some of it back, we moved into a tiny travel trailer in the mountains. That is where we currently live, as is our disabled son. NO privacy. I look my age and then some [chemo lizard skin] but my husband finds me beautiful. I promised him that I will belly dance for him [like before I got sick and had no privacy] and he is thrilled.
Also, since he will have more time for walking, I told him that we will be able to slightly raise his caloric intake. He is happy about that.
We are getting a free chicken coop and he has always wanted to raise chickens for the eggs. Another good thing.
silibran, I am going to use the comforter we are using now and we will be putting the old bedroom furniture that we have stored away and set it up the same.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vickygleitz
Quite a few years ago, we lost a small fortune trying to find help for our very ill son. this left us several hundred thousand in debt. So, to try to make some of it back, we moved into a tiny travel trailer in the mountains. That is where we currently live, as is our disabled son. NO privacy.
...
We are getting a free chicken coop and he has always wanted to raise chickens for the eggs. Another good thing.
.....
1) I doubt if 10% of the people on this forum have ever been displaced (forced to permanently leave their home)... I understand your husband's fears. It is not trivial to be tossed out of your 'home' on your ear (at any age).
2) You mentioned STAYING, but all I see are comments about GOING.
Which is it?
What would it take to stay in your community (and be comfortable)?
Is it strictly cost of houses / land?
How close is close enough for him (if 3 hrs is too far away?)
How close is 'affordable'.
Remain sensitive to his fears. The Chicken Coop may 'help', but that still won't be home!
Drive to where you are moving a few times before the move. Explore. Have lunch. Poke around. Find a park and a library. Get the feel of the place before hand.
Then, you just have to understand that he is worried about this.
I'd also make sure the bedroom looks a lot like the old one. Get his feedback on it when you do change it, so he feels like he has some control.
I imagine he will have a few months of anxiety, but that he will learn to like his new home.
Totally agree....a move may be difficult but your finances are such that moving to a lower COL location may be mandatory - and to find one relatively close to your current is actually pretty lucky.
Can you live in the lower cost place and rent out your current home to see how it goes? That way you'll save more and make more at the same time - with some flexibility to boot in case you change your minds!
I can understand the problem but have no idea as to the solution. The move is necessary due to finances and unsatisfactory living conditions. His health is poor. This means he might not be doing much outside of the home and this could make him regret the move even more.
I think you rent for a while to see how things go. Maybe you can rent for a month and them come back home. Then maybe another month in a different location. You might be able t find a long term motel or a rooming house. The idea is to get him out of the 20 mile area but knowing he can return at the end of the month (maybe week to start). This might help with the adjustment.
Are you active in any community groups? If you are do they have a counter part where you will be going? Maybe your local group can introduce you to some new people so you are not all alone in a strange place.
If his health is bad can you carry the load of his potential needs? From my experience when a family member has a significant health issue it's best to be around family. Especially if the person is up in age.
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