Should I stay or should I go? (Carlsbad, Santee: student loans, home)

[Victoria92008]

Help me, I ended up here by asking for single mom advice. My family and friends can't help, they cannot fathom my concern, nobody I know has to worry about their kids future. So, here goes. I have been a single mom from the beginning.. My son's father has abandoned him emotionally and pays only child support that will end in 2 years when he graduates high school. I want to save his child support for college and can do so by moving him to another high school in Santee and in with my BF. ( we now live in Carlsbad and have since his birth) If I stay here I can't save any money, I work full time and it still isn't enough. If we move. He will have over $50,000 upon graduation. I have been looking for a cheeper place but it wouldn't really be worth it to move and give up our nice place to live in a dump to save a couple hundred bucks each month. I would save about $7000.00 if I take the cheeper place in 2 years and my son would stay in the same school OR I could save $50,000 and he'd have to change schools. Or I couls stay put and save nothing..He is in the 10th grade and very shy and doesn't have many friends anyway. We have moved alot, money is always the issue. He originally wanted to move to Santee but now he says no... Says he will get student loans and scholarships or he may join the navy. He wants to be a surgeon.

Any advice would help.

[Nick682]

You sound like a good mom and it sounds like you have tough decisions. My first thought was that instead of Santee you should head out of state to a nice affordable area with good schools. That's what I would do SD is too pricey and it hurts families and lower income children. Carlsbad to Santee may be a drastic change for an already shy high school kid, the quality of living and schooling can't be nearly the same as Carlsbad?

I was a terrible student and had lot's of home drama, ADD, and lot's of moving schools and instability w/ no money for college. All the drama and moving made it very hard for me to focus on school. Also, if he is shy the kids may be rougher on him in Santee because there are more gangs. For me the constant moving in high school made it hard to focus. I was even in the special ed classes for math and, I too, was very shy.

I needed direction, so I went into the military, but I joined the Coast Guard, I would recommend that over the Navy. I also recommend he stays only the time required to receive the GI bill. The Coast Guard offers a little less for college than the Navy, but it's more elite and not such a numbers game. The Military was rough, but it was positive in many ways, now I am using the GI bill to pay for college. I am getting most of my school done with Mira Costa (a great junior college) so I can spend very little on the upper division when I transfer.

I received $36,000 and and it has put me through two years of school at the JC level. I have more than half of it left for my upper division. The great thing about the JC's in California is that they are so cheap. It costs me less than $700 per semester and I receive over one thousand a month with the GI bill, so it pays for many of my living expenses. The military was very good for my discipline and willpower and a can do attitude. I would have never thought that I would go from being a ADD, special ed student to a Biology major, and it was the GI bill and the discipline of the military that made it possible.

I do however, highly recommend him not getting sucked into it for too long. I would have the goal to serve for the GI bill and then get out. Serving for too long can be oppressive and have a stunting effect on creative thinking. Also, he can receive 100% tuition assistance while in the military. It is hard to go to school on a ship and the Navy is mostly underway, the Coast Guard too, but not as much and not as long of deployments, with more land stations. The Air Force has no ship deployments but over sea's duty. Also there are programs that pay for his schooling to a good college in every branch but they require he serves four years or so afterwards and has good high school grades.

If he chooses the military, get someone who has served before to advise you and even go in with him when he sees the recruiter, they like to make false promises, so get everything in writing. During my enlistment, I traveled allot and saw the world, when I came back it seemed like all my old friends were up to the same old things, while I had done and experienced so much. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done.

My dad was never around and the military can provide the strong male role model figure that is healthy for young boys. I won't say all of the influences are good, but there are some very good people serving. It definitely got rid of my rebellious side, that I had from not having a involved father.

Good luck with everything.

[SanAntoQT]

I'm not sure about the Coast Guard being more "elite," but military service can be positive experience. My SO, who is retired Navy, took online courses while deployed, so it's not impossible. Personally, I find the self-serving objective...getting in for what you can get, then getting out...for joining the military to be more of a disservice.

[Nick682]

Originally Posted by SanAntoQT

I'm not sure about the Coast Guard being more "elite," but military service can be positive experience. My SO, who is retired Navy, took online courses while deployed, so it's not impossible. Personally, I find the self-serving objective...getting in for what you can get, then getting out...for joining the military to be more of a disservice.

Right......I'm sure the poster will be thanking you, for the lengthy advice you gave her?

You're right, everyone who joins the military should stay in forever, and if you get out and use the benefits you went in for, you must be doing your country a disservice?
More of a disservice than never having had served at all, and instead criticizing those who have, from behind a computer screen?

Good thinking...

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by Nick682

Right......I'm sure the poster will be thanking you, for the lengthy advice you gave her?

You're right, everyone who joins the military should stay in forever, and if you get out and use the benefits you went in for, you must be doing your country a disservice?
More of a disservice than never having had served at all, and instead criticizing those who have, from behind a computer screen?

Good thinking...

I grew up in a time when it was frowned upon for women to join the military, otherwise I most definitely would have joined. However, both my children serve, so yeah....

While you stated that going to school while on a ship was practically impossible, I was pointing out that online classes are available, therefore, attending college would be feasible.