Making Friends in Sarasota (Venice, Fruitville: real estate, 2015, HOA)

[Jenna_2015]

Hello, I am a 45-year-old, single, never married no kids, straight female. I moved to Sarasota in July of 2013. I work from a home office. I do consulting work with clients all over the country, and I also work for an employer based out of Seattle.

I couldn't be happier with my choice to move here.

However . . .

I am finding it difficult to make friends here. I joined a few MeetUps for 30s and 40s, and that didn't go well. The men over 55 still joined the group and sort of took it over, even though there are so many groups for 55+.

I really need some advice. I felt that some of the locals I met who were in the age range of 30s to 40s, were actually hostile toward me. They thought I was selling them something, and they even told me they weren't interested in buying any products. I am not in sales.

Or they were actually trying to sell me something, their art work, their photography, their event planning, their realtor services, their life coaching services etc. I thought they were my friends, but then they did the hard sell and wanted me to start buying from them. They complain a lot about older people living here and moving here and crowding out their Sarasota. Whatever happiness I felt about Sarasota, I am starting to change my mind if I can't make a home for myself here. Also, I thought Sarasota was more of a place Midwesterners settled, because they do tend to be more relaxed, laid back, and friendly. I am meeting more people from the East Coast and some from the West Coast, who experienced crowding out in their home markets. They have some mannerisms, like cutting in line, even in front of children, that sometimes surprise me.

My income is not tied to the local economy, and I did not take a job from a local person or a Florida native. I am bringing resources to the local economy without really taking anything, except I guess "space," that maybe the younger people and especially the younger Florida natives are tired of people taking.

I have not ever experienced this before, a level of hostility, anger that the cost of living here is going up, and that people like me from up north can afford it, and may be driving the prices. I would rather the cost of living here not increase, either, whether I can afford it or not.

Is it possible some of the locals are afraid or angry, that they can't keep up or will one day be priced out of the market here?

Any advice other than, it is me and I should move?

[Florida or Bust....]

In general, if it is very easy for you to strike up a conversation with a stranger in Publix, the mall, Dunkin Donuts, etc, or stores/places you frequent, then you are half way there.

There are many activities available that you can do or join, where you can meet like minded people like yourself. Volunteering is also a great way to meet people.

One caveat, most married or in a relationship type women will have no interest in making friends with a single woman.

[macrodome2]

How about the YMCA? They have all sorts of classes or maybe you can join and use the pool. I've met a few people at the Y pool in Venice. Is there another activity that you like? Perhaps join a hiking or biking meetup instead of one for certain ages. This was one of the reasons I wanted to purchase in an HOA community that would have activities. It can be difficult to meet new people when you move.

[Cardiff by the Sea]

I am so sorry to hear that you are having trouble making friends here. We were in CA for 25 years and it was incredibly hard to make friends there. That was the primary reason we moved here. We thought people were much nicer and less self absorbed here. It has been pretty easy for us to make friends, but we are married. We are really liking all our neighbors. And we have two neighbors who are single women.

I have a couple of thoughts for you. I drag my sorry ass to the YMCA about once a month. Women always talk to me in the dressing room or the pool. I am planning to start taking exercise classes and I expect to meet people that way. Hubby goes daily and is developing a collection of friends.

I went to the Garden Club tour and plan to join. The women there were very friendly.

Because of this forum, I am always curious about what kind of social life there is here for young people. As a result, I always quiz waiters, valet parkers etc. One told me he had developed a great social life here though his church. He attends the Church of Hope which is near Fruitville and 75. He said they have all kinds of connect groups. Old singles, young singles, students, Russian speaking group, realtor group, etc etc etc. The waiter who told me about it says he does outdoor activities with people from his church.

Another place to meet people is the drum circles on Siesta Key.

I understand the attitude you are getting in which people think you are hustling them. To me, it seems like a lot of people have to hawk their wares to survive here. Even the air conditioning guys or the well diggers give you a hustle pitch here. I attributed it the the circus influence of the town. Everyone has a bit of carny in the them. I sounds like most of the meet up groups you are attending are filled with people looking for prospects. Instead of a general meet up group, you might have better luck with a special interest group.

The resentment you are experiencing may be coming from the working class. They are getting squeezed hard. Rents are going up because of the influx of people, but wages are not going up. You would probably have more in common with someone who has a comparable income. I am very sick of hearing about class warfare, but there is really a heightened awareness in the country now about who has and who doesn't. I don't see that changing until the economy improves enough to give opportunity to those who want it.

I don't totally agree that married women won't be your friend. I like single women because they have more time for friendship. They don't have the responsibility that comes with taking care of a husband or kids. However, you will have more luck if you stay away from their husbands, especially if you are attractive.

You might also loosen up on the age brackets. When I was young I had friends that were 10-15 years older than me. When I was middle aged, I had friends that were 20 years younger than me. If you are alive and interested in life, age is just the equivalent of miles on a car. If the other person hasn't turned into a fossil or a grumpy old person, what does it matter how old they are? The only problem I have with friending out of my age cohort is that we don't share musical tastes.

[The Frogman]

Jenna 2015
I really haven't had that kind of problem,but then again I'm a dude. For the most part I have found the people here in Florida about as open and friendly as folks are just about anywhere, particularly the folks in the Midwest. Being originally from the Midwest, I feel like I know what you mean. Until we moved down here we were in Massachusetts for 30 some years where the missus is from. Even tho we lived in a little "friendly" town, because I wasn't born there and not a townie, I was more or less considered an "outsider" for the entire time. Eventually they decided that I wasn't there to corrupt their New England way of life and morals and we got along.

Maybe you just living in the wrong area? Come see us over at Tidewater Preserve, where the living is easy and the folks are very very friendly. We have people from all over the country, and even quite a few European types here and we all seem to get along pretty darn well.

And no I don't sell real estate or get anything for pushing the community. I'm just happily retired, enjoying making new friends of all ages and living the dream.

[gypsychic]

I second and third the Y! While I am married, I have made a lot of friends there. Also, if you have an interest in anything like dance, gardening, yoga, a sport, etc. just taking classes can set you up with like-minded people.

There are all kinds of people here - some are great, super friendly and humble, others just the opposite. It sounds like those meetup groups aren't the way to go.

Good luck! - I promise you us friendlies are out there!

[Jenna_2015]

I like the suggestions about taking classes and joining the Y. Sounds like a good idea. Thanks.

[macrodome2]

As Cardiff already said and I will second, I like meeting single women as well. My husband is not a socializer, so I find myself having to seek out friends on my own. Couples expect you to do couples type stuff, but with a single woman we can do our thing and I don't have to drag the reluctant dragon with me.

My closest friends up north was 16 years older and 14 years younger than I am. I've been making more friends that are my age down here because the community I'm in has a lot of early (late 50's, early 60's) retirees. Doing activities you enjoy is a great way to meet people.

[Lizbethnewbe]

I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience so far, but as a newcomer myself I know it's important to take the opportunities available. Just walking in my neighborhood in the evenings has introduced me to so many people. In every neighborhood there are groups that play cards, or go out to lunch, or the movies. Find out about them and go to a few. I have also met people at the gym.

I think you have to be more open to people and not prejudge them. I am from "the East" and have friends from many different places. We are just like everyone else. Please don't categorize us. We might speak a little faster and have a different sense of humor, but I think we can appreciate our differences.

[Ladywithafan]

I've always found that if you want to meet people, find a common interest ~ one of the best is music. Everyone likes music! I would suggest checking out our community radio station WSLR. They have tons of events going on where you can volunteer & get involved and share that one intersecting theme. You can go to their website & see if that interests you. I haven't really done much with Meet Ups. Get on Facebook and check out some of the Sarasota groups around town.