School bullying-need advice (renting, how much, attorney)

[MichaelBC]

Well, I seem to be at wits end right now and need some advice. Maybe some of you parents out there have been in my position and can help me out.

Situation: my 10 year old has been getting picked on at school and it has escalated into verbal name calling and threats. It has been going on now for about 4 months and this has been brought to the teachers and schools attention and the other student has been talked to by the asst. principal, teacher(s), and the school counselor at various times.

The counselor told my son he needs to stick up for himself without being a tattle-tale and I asked the asst. principal what is their (schools) definition of my son sticking up for himself, was it to ignore the other student, lower his standards down and return the name calling and threats, or was he to finally use physical assertiveness.

It reached a point last week where my straight A son told me he no longer wishes to go to school and doesn't understand why the adults will not help him. I immediately set up a meeting with the asst. principal and she then did an in house one day suspension for the other student.

What gets me is all the students and at least one parent of each student must sign a "contract" out of the student handbook to not participate in bullying. I even said to the asst. principal that they have all this visual aids (bullying section on their online website, and posters all over the school about respect and bullying) out there for the community but they do not take it seriously. I was told that the other student does not have a father figure. I told them that as sad as this is, this does not give the other student an excuse to behave like this. I also said to the asst. Principal that I am not a difficult parent to get along with at all but I will hold the school to the standards that they set and will expect them to maintain those standards through out the school year.

I said that if this is not taken care of, I will request a meeting with the school superintendant and have him explain to me why they will not handle the problem. I even asked that the two kids be separated but they do not feel that would help the situation. I also asked for a group meeting with both parents of the students, the principal, asst. principal and the school counselor but they said they feel that would not foster a good environment. I must confess that I am physically imposing at 6’2” and 265 lbs. very muscular with a shaved head and a goatee minus the mustache. I think what really floored the counselor was after meeting me he could not get over the fact that I hold a masters degree in engineering and in fact, I am one of the senior aerospace engineers at work.

I even thought about having an attorney draft up a letter and have it delivered to the school but that may be overkill at this point. GOSH! if only I could change bodies with my son for one day!!!! LOL


So, like I said, the other student still is calling names and is trying to get my son into a physical confrontation. Luckily for me my son walks away and gets the teacher but I do not know for how long he will do that until he takes matters into his own hands.

If you have read everything up to this point, thank you for your time, I need help........PLEASE!

[usmcfamily]

Post this in the parenting forum and you will get a lot of advice/opinons!

[leggo]

"Luckily for me my son walks away and gets the teacher but I do not know for how long he will do that until he takes matters into his own hands."

What does your son want to do? If he takes matter into his own hands, ie. stands up to the bully -- what is the worst that can happen. Really. A black eye, or a bloody nose. The bully will move on to his next target, has been my life experience.

I always told my sons - don't ever start a fight, but finish it. In other words, dont bully or take part in bullying, but if you are in a situation where it can't be resolved by talking it out then you are going to have to stand up for yourself.

He is going to have deal with bullies, all his life, think about it, at school, sports, college, career, the guy who cuts in line at the grocery store.

If the other boy is physically WAY larger than your son, have your boy take Self defense lesson, it will give him confidence in himself and experience.

I am not advocating violence, but giving you my personal view and past experience on the subject.

Ask your son what he wants to REALLY do.

[lisake]

Sounds like a perfect situation for peer mediation. It's gaining popularity in schools around the country for solving such disputes. There's some adult guidance, but for the most part, the kids all take responsibility for resolving the issue(s). Sort of "good" peer pressure. Out school uses per mediation and has no bullying problems (I don't thikn our principal would allow it anyway).

I suggest researching the topic of peer mediation (with help of a Google search), then putting together a proposal for the principal and your child's teacher. Then the school, teachers and administrators will view you as part of the solution avs. part of the problem and a "resourceful" parent rather than a "difficult" one.

While you and your son are obviously in the right and you are understandably angry, try to approach this in a more neutral manner and you'll likely get better results. Kids who are bullied often and wrongfully get labeled as much as the one bullying.

Best of luck.

[CarolinaWoman]

The peer stuff sounds good ... but it doesn't work ... children that bully usually have parent(s) that accepted this type of behavior or just don't care. I have been through it with one of my children and the school is giving you a run around ... they can stop this ... have you talked to the principal?

Your son is fighting a mental battle that is not good for him at all ... we had a similiar problem with our daughter and she has never forgotten those terrible times. We do have a SC law in place that protects children from bullying ... the school district, teachers, counselors and principals all are aware of the law.

Please don't let it continue ... make an appointment to talk with the principal and if that doesn't work ... go to the superintendant or a school board member. Separating them into different classes does work ... I know!


South Carolina's General Assembly amended a law in 2006 ...

AN ACT TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING ARTICLE 2 TO CHAPTER 63 OF TITLE 59 SO AS TO ENACT THE "SAFE SCHOOL CLIMATE ACT" TO PREVENT SCHOOL HARASSMENT, INTIMIDATION, OR BULLYING; TO INSTRUCT LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICTS TO ADOPT A POLICY PROHIBITING HARASSMENT, INTIMIDATION, OR BULLYING THAT INCLUDES CERTAIN COMPONENTS; TO PROVIDE THAT THE STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION SHALL DEVELOP MODEL POLICIES; TO PROVIDE THAT THE POLICY MUST BE INCORPORATED INTO THE TRAINING PROGRAMS; AND TO DEFINE CERTAIN TERMS.

Here is the rest of it:

Bill 3573: Safe Schools Act

[lagoon7]

Unfortunately, I think that your son physically standing up for himself is going to be the only cure for this. I don't want your kid to get in trouble, but I mean, how much is the poor guy supposed to take?

[sumter native]

I went thru this same thing with my oldest daughter she rode a bus that was 90 percent black had a black bus driver and was constantly picked on ie gum in her hair being pushed down to the floor on the bus..I talked with bus driver teacher assistant principle and the principal and the super. of the schools and yet this behaviour kept going on.
I ended up tellin my daughter to jump on whoever hit her and dont stop until someone pulls ya off.. Well it wasnt 2 days later I get a note saying my daughter was suspended from bus riding,so back to the school I go with ALL the attacks times and dates of meetings and let the principle have it,needless to say my child was not kicked off the bus for fighting and she never had a problem after that.
getting physical aint the best answer but when all options fail sometimes its all ya got..

[leggo]

I bet you wanted to jump on that principal until someone pulled you off of him/her!!!

Good for you and your daughter - sometimes you have to stand up on your own two feet - good lesson learned

[sumter native]

TY Leggo I hope yall get yor situation taken care of, But if he does have to go the physical route then he wont have much trouble with anyone for a long time..
Especially if he puts a good ole fashioned farm boy whippin on some bully that reallly needs it..

[MichaelBC]

I thought maybe I would give an update even if it has been some time. Well, my 10 year old is now 13 and almost 6' tall with size 12 wide shoes. He is bigger then most the other kids and now doesn't seem to have a problem with bullying, that and he is now in another school.

Now he says girls won't leave him alone, lol oh yeah, that is a problem I think will go away as soon as he "discovers" girls are better then video games, lol