How to politely phrase, "Don't lecture me, I don't even do that anyhow." (class, teacher)
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Eh, I dunno. I can see it playing out either way. Maybe she has some huge ulterior motive. On the other hand, with middle school age kids it's not uncommon that teachers say, "Yes, you will have to turn this in," to make sure students take the assignment seriously and complete it. The problem with the group that is targeted (those who didn't do well on their test) is that a good percentage is likely less than inclined to do work anyway, and saying they should do xyz but they don't have to turn it in will equal nothing getting done.
This isn't to say OP shouldn't continue to keep her eyes and ears open, but I think it's also important not to let heightened sensitivity make everything into something it might not be.
Which is why I indicated I could see benefit to completing and discussing - meaning as an in-class assignment . Bring it up, go over it, discuss it, allow the students to keep for future reference. If the intent is to benefit the student that is reasonable -actually could be an excellent tool. I still can't think of any reason to turn such a thing in if that is the point. Handing out a questionaire, with students documenting their own possible shortcomings, to turn in to the teacher does smack of CYA.
My daughter is an overachiever all on her own. She is also competitive and driven to succeed. Again all on her own. (well she takes after her dad but he doesn't pressure her)
She knows I am very pleased with her if she gets what I call an "honest" grade. Meaning as long as there aren't any zeroes for missed assignments and studies hard. So if she got a C, I be fine with it. But she thinks I am too "nice". lol She makes straight A's and always has. She had a threat of a B and it nearly killed her. She brought it right up the next week. I throughout all of this encouraged her and told her that B isn't the end of the world. It's truly isn't.
She is better about it now in Middle School but still makes straight A's. She has a teacher that didn't return any papers back to the kids OR put in grades on the online system till almost end of the quarter. Unknown to me, kid had been asking her every week or so if she could know what her grades are etc and teacher would tell her she would get around to it.
Well quarter ended and due to a few quizzes where kid skipped a few steps and didn't show fully the work, she got C's on them which brought her overall grade down to a high B. She was very sad as she wished she had known that the teacher was looking for ALL the steps and could have corrected herself on the next few quizzes. She approached teacher and asked if she could do any extra credit to bring up her grade or attend tutoring. (teacher offered tutoring credit points to C or below kids for attending allowing them to bump up their grades) Teacher told her no and that she should be proud of her B.
I then got an email from teacher basically but nicely lecturing me on how I should be pleased that kid got a B etc.
I showed it to kid and she said she never said anything about me and how ridiculous as I would have been happy with a C. So I am not sure how to respond or just ignore it and let her think I am an overbearing hyper mom driving her kids to the brink if they don't bring home an A?
It is the teacher's basic responsibility to grade work in a timely manner. She did not do her job, if what you say is true. I would take it straight to the principal.
Bite your tongue and ignore it - something that would be difficult for me. I could think of a hundred cutting replies. But I've learned over the years with these people.
She will hold it against your kid.
Don't even respond to her. Any engagement will feed her ego. If she feels "sorry" for your kid she's likely to even give her a break as opposed to the opposite - grading her low/hard to "make a point" or lecturing and meddling etc.
This is very true. It is a very rare teacher who doesn't hold a bit of a grudge for a parent who goes over his/her head. There will always be a few teachers that don't follow grading procedures and guidelines. I would just forget about it. She may have gotten the point already, if she is writing you emails.
I think this is a good lesson to learn at this age. A high B is not the end of the world.
Which is why I indicated I could see benefit to completing and discussing - meaning as an in-class assignment . Bring it up, go over it, discuss it, allow the students to keep for future reference. If the intent is to benefit the student that is reasonable -actually could be an excellent tool. I still can't think of any reason to turn such a thing in if that is the point. Handing out a questionaire, with students documenting their own possible shortcomings, to turn in to the teacher does smack of CYA.
I guess you didn't read what I wrote. Sometimes assignments are "handed in" even if not graded or looked at again because if not turned in, students do not take the assignment seriously. I am not disputing the teacher has done the wrong thing with the timing of entering grades and handing back papers, but most of the teachers I know with that issue are just overwhelmed with too much on their plate. It's not necessarily that they're sitting there on the weekends cackling over the idea of "catching" students doing something wrong.
It is possible the teacher has ulterior motives. It is also completely possible it is nothing. I think OP should keep her ears open, but also not become hyper-sensitized and start turning everything into a reason to be suspicious. She's still got a long year ahead and as irked as the OP got when the teacher thought she was pressuring her daughter about making an "A", I don't think she can expect the teacher to take it any better if she suggests the act of having students analyze what different steps they should take to be successful in the future is some sort of nefarious scheme.
This is very true. It is a very rare teacher who doesn't hold a bit of a grudge for a parent who goes over his/her head. There will always be a few teachers that don't follow grading procedures and guidelines. I would just forget about it. She may have gotten the point already, if she is writing you emails.
I think this is a good lesson to learn at this age. A high B is not the end of the world.
I have to disagree with this. Teachers can hold grudges all they want, but ultimately they are pretty powerless and cannot afford to have complaints made against them. The more annoying (and scary) the parent, the better the child is likely to be treated, simply because the teacher doesn't want any trouble. I speak from experience - I used to be a teacher. Even when everyone in the school absolutely hated a parent, the child was treated very well. On the other hand, parents who teachers and principals knew wouldn't make any trouble - their kids got the worse treatment. Principals assigned them the worst teachers, the worst classrooms, and so on. You have to advocate for your child and not be wimpy with the school.
I guess you didn't read what I wrote. Sometimes assignments are "handed in" even if not graded or looked at again because if not turned in, students do not take the assignment seriously. I am not disputing the teacher has done the wrong thing with the timing of entering grades and handing back papers, but most of the teachers I know with that issue are just overwhelmed with too much on their plate. It's not necessarily that they're sitting there on the weekends cackling over the idea of "catching" students doing something wrong.
It is possible the teacher has ulterior motives. It is also completely possible it is nothing. I think OP should keep her ears open, but also not become hyper-sensitized and start turning everything into a reason to be suspicious. She's still got a long year ahead and as irked as the OP got when the teacher thought she was pressuring her daughter about making an "A", I don't think she can expect the teacher to take it any better if she suggests the act of having students analyze what different steps they should take to be successful in the future is some sort of nefarious scheme.
Not sure where you got the idea I believe the teacher was sitting around scheming. Or that the OP should respond to the teacher or school in any way regarding the questionaire. In fact, I attempted to provide a context which could support the teacher's use of the questionaire as the OP did not indicate one way or the other whether the questionaire was turned in. Used correctly, I think it could be a useful exercise (not "odd" as the OP described it) -particularly for first year middle school students. I still see no reason to turn such an exercise in as it has nothing to do with the subject matter specifically. As to whether some students may not take it as seriously? Meh, their loss then. Some students still may not take it seriously, even if turned in. How're you going to control that?
I understand the frustration about the grading book not being updated, but I had a few professors who weren't timely in returning exams and papers. Two didn't do it until the very end of the term. We were all wondering if we even passed the course. This is all part of life. You can go complaining about it, but the professors can be biased in grading as a result, especially on research or term papers. Everyone usually waited to complain when the term was over so it would be on record (not for grade changes), but I doubt anything was ever done to change their ways for future courses since these were professors with tenure.
What bothers me the most about this whole discussion is that the teacher did not put/post grades in a timely matter and this should be watched & monitored. If you notice that some type of progress grade, quiz, homework assignment, participation, test etc., hasn't been posted at least once per week, or once per cycle (if schools are on that type of system), I would definitely be questioning the teacher or his/her administrator. Yes, teachers do have a lot of work with preparation, teaching, their lives out of school etc, but they are required to input grades more often than at the end of the marking period. Progress (and as your daughter said feedback would have been helpful) is so important in the learning process and this should be evident throughout the marking period.
I worked in a school district where this was monitored closely and teachers were fired for not providing verification on evaluation materials and posting the grades.
...I attempted to provide a context which could support the teacher's use of the questionaire as the OP did not indicate one way or the other whether the questionaire was turned in. Used correctly, I think it could be a useful exercise (not "odd" as the OP described it) -particularly first year...
Kid said the teacher wanted the kids that got them to have their parents sign them and turn it in. I only thought it was odd since all of a sudden she started to require this questionnaire. And honestly a bit condescending as its not elementary and nor are these kids in their first year of middle school.
...Also interesting tidbit, I think she got backlash for the grades she had issued. She made the kids fill out a questionnaire on the last test if they didn't do well. They had to write questions like, "How long did I study?" "Did I raise my hand and ask questions in class if I didn't understand?" "Did I ask for extra help or tutoring?" "What can I do to improve my grades?"
I thought that was a tad odd.
Or maybe she was appalled at the number of poor grades and is trying to figure out where the disconnect happened. Maybe she's trying to discover if it was in the content or the delivery. Maybe she assumed the content was not as difficult as it turned out to be. Perhaps she wanted to be sure the assignment was completed, as someone else suggested. What is "condescending" about requiring a parent to validate the work was completed?
I can be obtuse at times, but I don't understand why you were so annoyed at the note. Perhaps your dd actually did say something that caused the teacher to think, erroneously, that she was under pressure to make good grades. Then, that same dd, seeing your displeasure at the note, denied saying anything to the teacher or honestly didn't recall saying anything. It seems that the woman cannot do anything right in your eyes since you got this note and for the life of me, I can't figure out why you didn't simply make an appointment and talk to the teacher about it. You probably would have seen dd's grades as well and had a nice conversation about your child.
Last edited by mm_mary73; 11-01-2013 at 04:43 PM..
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