HELP! Son getting ZERO on progress report for not handing in homework (degree, principal)

[Clemencia53]

Originally Posted by psurangers11

Hmm.. I think the OP's lack of response here says a lot......

Your kid can't be that smart if he's failing to simply hand in his work... my guess is he's goofing off and choosing not to do his homework.

Stop blaming the teachers... as a high school student you're supposed to be responsible and know A. when homework is due.... B. do said homework... and ready for C?... HAND IT IN!

His average is down to 77? Big whoop... it's not even October yet... this is a high school version of a credit score! Handing in assignments late or not will continue to cause a downward trend in his grade... start handing in assignments and doing it on-time and it gets better, not that hard!

Rather then bashing the teacher and venting your frustrations over nothing maybe you should talk to your son and maybe ask him bluntly how he could be so stupid/lazy? Did you also think too that your son hasn't been truthful? He not once admitted to you that he's falling behind and you find out through the progress report... clearly he was trying to hide it from you.

His average is 88. His scores are A's except for the homework. And that is only worth 20% of his grade. He probably didn't calculate correctly. Even a 40 on the missed homework would have given him enough points to have an A in the class.

I hated homework even back in the 70s and did it right before class started. It was easy. My parents never knew what kind of grades we had until we came home with the report card - all A's - even while slacking off on the homework.

This kid will be okay.

[Sandpointian]

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

As a teacher, educator - if you had a student who did not turn in an assignment, how would you handle this?

How would you advise a child he forgot to hand in the assignment?
a. Announce to the class assignment is overdue.
b. Personally advise the child you have not received the assignment and mention if he didn't hand it in he would receive a zero.
c. He gets a zero. It's his responsibility to hand it in.

Elementary School: First A then B and then C
Middle School: First A and then C (though if student approaches in timely fashion, he/she can still turn in)
High School: C (though if student approaches in timely fashion, he/she can still turn in as long as within rules as stated at beginning of class)

I am assuming he is a HS student, as most parents would not care K-8.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

My son is an A student except for the ZEROes which drag his grade down to 77.

My child did EXACTLY this for three years, 8th through 10th.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

I don't think it is too much to ask a teacher to simply advise him his work is overdue.

I think that at the high school level, the pace often makes "C" the only practical approach for teachers. Your son needs to step it up...somehow.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

Getting a zero as a grade on a progress report is long term damage on his future. That's a pretty nasty thing to do to an otherwise good child who is really trying but is simply forgetful. I thought teachers are suppose to be loving and caring - not ruthless executioners.

First, they are paid dirt for the crap they must deal with. Their job at the HS level is to teach the subject and hopefully to transmit a clear signal as to expectations, behaviors, etc.

Second, if forgetful, there are ways to address: daily planners, parent access to student records, etc.

I do think a "0" without time to submit stuff late is harsh, esp. for Frosh-Soph. But students should expect to be docked. And if the issue is chronic, more drastic measures are called for, such as parent-teacher conferences.

When my child was stringing together 0's, we got a phone call from one teacher. No word from others. Work made up and 0s accepted on ones in which hard rules were in place. We accepted all. It was our child's responsibility. Next in line would be us. Only then the teacher.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

I fully expect the line I will hear is "that's what will happen to him in the real world if ...". But I think that's BS. If i forget to fill out my timesheet in the real world my boss reminds me - she doesn't just pay me zero. If a nurse forgets to give a patient a med, the other nurses remind her to do so. If I miss a payment to the electric company, they don't shut off my lights - they advise me I missed the payment and then we fix it.

Again, I am assuming your child is in HS. On ^^, you don;t seem to understand that your child IS in the real world, the real world of modern education. What used to be be the status quo in colleges are now in high schools. Part of this are clear rules for submissions and clear statements as to when 0's are permanent. I would be shocked if those rules were not communicated to your child. If they were;'t and the 0s are arbitrary, then I would get on their cases.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

I'm contacting counselors there to get info. AFAIK, I have no way to know what assignments he has and when they are due so I can help him. Plus the damndest thing to me is all it would take is a simple sentence from the teacher "Johnny, I haven't received your homework." And I don't find out till I see the report card!

Doesn't your school have a computer system with online access to grades in near real-time? We have such a system and our district operates on a shoe string budget. We can log in and see progress. We do not do it enough. Now, I will not. It is 100% on the child's shoulders.

During Freshman year, I spoke with one of my child's teacher about missed/late assignments. It turns out, the opening minutes of every class had reminders on the board as to assignments. But ... these were not personalized. It was not until the parent-teacher and a number of zeros and discounted marks were in the books that the fullest extent of what was and wash't going on was revealed.

When I look back at those days, I think we (as in the wife and I) had not fully prepared to be parents of a high school kid in the 21st century. We should have been on the ball more and anticipated better.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

My kid is a quiet kid - non disruptive, very polite. An ideal child and student. He does the work - he just forgets to hand it in! It's a stupid maddening shortcoming. If I was home schooling him, I would just say "Alex, where's your math assignment?"

Again, if in HS, I would not expect that level of coddling. If elementary, sure. But a few zeros then should not be such a cause for alarm. If in middle school, it is a great opportunity to get you and your son on the same page before entering HS.

Again, the situation you describe is eerily similar to what we went through. We had very similar sentiments.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

Alex has 100% on many of his tests. He has mastered the subjects, but the world at large will only see a grade of 77% and rank him as a lackluster.

At some point, he will need to awake from his fog.
You have to step back and ask, "why would an A student sandbag on getting the easy points and almost deliberately let his grades slip to a 77?"

I am dead serious here. You might want to see a counselor. We did. This may be a sign of something worse. It won;t necessarily make things easier, but you can at least begin to restrategize.

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

I wonder if giving zeroes is exclusive to the local culture or is the same everywhere. Seems to me sending him to this school is doing him more damage than good.

Gosh, again, your story is very similar to what we experienced. Bringing him home may work for your son or it may not. It did not work for us.

What cleared the fog was a combination of (a) age, (b) stepping back, (d) reducing expectations a few clicks, and (d) the conversation among peers about college.

The fog is still there but lifting a bit each day.

But for 3-4 years, nothing seemed to work. We tried everything under the sun.

Luckily, our child has thus far emerged with a high GPA and decent progress on the key classes.

In retrospect, would I have done anything different?
1) backed off earlier
2) ratchet down expectations
3) had the child take study skills classes and a few more nonacademic classes
4) been better at recognizing things in middle school
5) Sought counseling help early on


I hope you read through the comments carefully and a couple of times so you can understand the fuller gravity of my reply.

Hang in there,
S.

[MaryleeII]

Originally Posted by Clemencia53

You have a different issue. Her kid didn't do one assignment. I hope you get help with your son. The school has probably done as much as they can. When you say he becomes violent - wow. He might need a different school altogether. Sorry.

We've gotten "help" for our son, I don't care to post personal details all over a public forum, but we have gotten counseling, IEP, etc, etc, police don't even do anything about the violence except "chat"

He's 17, we're waiting for him to turn 18 and kick him out, its the only option we have left.

[Meyerland]

I have a very close friend who always hovered over her child and fought every battle for him. She got her way and he had a great experience in school until he went to college. He flunked out because he didn't have the skills to study effectively, do his work in a timely manner and turn it in.

I am not saying your son will be like that, but it can happen. There are zero professors that will remind and coddle your son. The stakes will be much higher at that time.

[Sandpointian]

Originally Posted by Meyerland

There are zero professors that will remind and coddle your son. The stakes will be much higher at that time.

Absolutely true.

[TabulaRasa]

It definitely can happen, Meyerland. As an R.A. at a fairly rigorous college, I saw people who had acquired essentially no skills for handling their academic load independently prior to college flunk out (and this was late 90s, the helicoptering has gotten even more intense since then). The wakeup call will always happen, sooner or later. Why not practice those skills early on?

[blktoptrvl]

Wait, did I misread this. Aren't you the parent? Why aren't you making sure he is doing his work? If it is done, I am sure he would turn it in... Why/how is it the teacher's responsibility to "remind" him if you are not bothering to ride roughshod to make sure he does it?

[ridethemaverick]

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

I fully expect the line I will hear is "that's what will happen to him in the real world if ...". But I think that's BS. If i forget to fill out my timesheet in the real world my boss reminds me - she doesn't just pay me zero. If a nurse forgets to give a patient a med, the other nurses remind her to do so. If I miss a payment to the electric company, they don't shut off my lights - they advise me I missed the payment and then we fix it.

This...this is actually a decent point. Lord knows I get late letters on the regular. I pay the penalty along with what is due, and life goes on. And we can't say that the good people at Sprint have fewer customers than the average teacher. However, businesses largely run by machines, and there's little room for error - you either paid it or you didn't. Teaching is a whole 'nother matter. And since this sounds like something your kid does on a regular basis, you'll find few tears shed here.

Originally Posted by Meyerland

There are zero professors that will remind and coddle your son. The stakes will be much higher at that time.

Amen to that. I took a 50% hit on a paper in grad school because I uploaded the wrong assignment. Mind you, it was days early & the prof could've just written to tell me that I'd turned the wrong paper in and to resubmit it but she didn't. Now THAT'S unreasonable.

[xS☺B☺s]

Thank you for all the commentary so far. I'm listening. I'm the type of person who does more listening than talking.

My problem is NOT completely different than Marylee's - in fact it sounds exactly the same. I do believe my son is ADHD as well, but I think just a little help from an understanding teacher is all he needs. From my understanding, if we report my son as ADHD, we may be forced to use medications which IMO are of dubious clinical efficacy with too many adverse side effects.

So like Marylee, all I want is a little help. Seems like a teacher giving a kid with a problem a little reminder is not so much to ask. And like Marylee, no one seems to care to be bothered. My kids problem is a clinical problem - not major, not glaringly evident. Seems like we should be able to manage it socially without doping the poor kid up with medication, but we need help from the educators. Just cuz he's not blind, deaf, crippled or terribly mentally debilitated does not mean he does not have a problem. And just cuz it's not a huge problem doesn't mean he doesn't deserve help.

As I said, if I home schooled his whole entire problem would be remedied completely with a simple sentence - "did you hand in your work?" How hard is that?

And FYI, I have not stormed the school berating counselors or teachers - I've prepared a note with my thoughts very similar to what I posted here though intentionally less emotional - even though I am a bit emotional about it. I haven't sent it yet, I thought some advice here first would be wise. I'm happy for this forum to get perspective and advice from people out there. I do intend to try to work with a school counselor, but like Marylee, I doubt I'll get anywhere.

Unfortunately my son has had this problem all his life. What's concerning to me now is now the grades DO count for his future. I believe it is NOT possible for him to "LEARN" from this. It's not a personal responsibility thing, he is a responsible little person. He just forgets to do things.

I have to say I'm disappointed from most of the commentary. Looks like society is going to be hard on my little man. If there is no compassion or lack of understanding from teachers, we're pretty much on our own.

Again, thanks for the feedback.

[Clemencia53]

Originally Posted by xS☺Be

Thank you for all the commentary so far. I'm listening. I'm the type of person who does more listening than talking.

My problem is NOT completely different than Marylee's - in fact it sounds exactly the same. I do believe my son is ADHD as well, but I think just a little help from an understanding teacher is all he needs. From my understanding, if we report my son as ADHD, we may be forced to use medications which IMO are of dubious clinical efficacy with too many adverse side effects.

So like Marylee, all I want is a little help. Seems like a teacher giving a kid with a problem a little reminder is not so much to ask. And like Marylee, no one seems to care to be bothered. My kids problem is a clinical problem - not major, not glaringly evident. Seems like we should be able to manage it socially without doping the poor kid up with medication, but we need help from the educators. Just cuz he's not blind, deaf, crippled or terribly mentally debilitated does not mean he does not have a problem. And just cuz it's not a huge problem doesn't mean he doesn't deserve help.

As I said, if I home schooled his whole entire problem would be remedied completely with a simple sentence - "did you hand in your work?" How hard is that?

And FYI, I have not stormed the school berating counselors or teachers - I've prepared a note with my thoughts very similar to what I posted here though intentionally less emotional - even though I am a bit emotional about it. I haven't sent it yet, I thought some advice here first would be wise. I'm happy for this forum to get perspective and advice from people out there. I do intend to try to work with a school counselor, but like Marylee, I doubt I'll get anywhere.

Unfortunately my son has had this problem all his life. What's concerning to me now is now the grades DO count for his future. I believe it is NOT possible for him to "LEARN" from this. It's not a personal responsibility thing, he is a responsible little person. He just forgets to do things.

I have to say I'm disappointed from most of the commentary. Looks like society is going to be hard on my little man. If there is no compassion or lack of understanding from teachers, we're pretty much on our own.

Again, thanks for the feedback.

MaryLee's son is VIOLENT. Does your son hit you when you ask him a question.

Your son is doing fine. He has an 88% average in the first six weeks. Do the math. A 40 on a missed homework would have given him a 90.

Just remember the old saying - "A" students end up working for "C" students. Grades aren't everything. There is life after high school. He will be ok.