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Thank you notes are becoming a thing of the past. I can't remember the last time I received a thank you note. Saying "thank you" either in person or over the phone seems sufficient for most young people. I can think of two reasons someone would care about not receiving a note.
1. They are insecure about whether or not they chose a good gift and want a note for validation.
2. They put too much stock into traditions that don't really serve a purpose other than to waste paper (and stimulate the economy a little bit I guess...).
There are a lot of things I don't like about my generation but the eschewing of thank you notes is something I can appreciate.
I think that if you express your thanks and appreciation in person or in a phone call that often can be sufficient; the frustration is in situations where those don't happen either. Gift givers are left wondering if their gift was even received. Saying "thank you" is an important part of interacting with people in many different (and not only social) parts of life from job interviews to mentoring assistance to someone holding the door.
"Social niceties" are still important and serve more than simply wasting paper.
I was thrilled when my brand new daughter-in-law (wedding was 3 days ago) told me several weeks ago that she and my son were writing thank you notes as gifts came in. I sort of unintentionally blurted out something about being glad to know they actually send thank you's, and she gave me a confused look like she was thinking "Well OF COURSE we do! Did you think we were mannerless?!"
Yay for good manners! And yay for getting a super-sweet DIL!
Thank you notes are becoming a thing of the past. I can't remember the last time I received a thank you note. Saying "thank you" either in person or over the phone seems sufficient for most young people. I can think of two reasons someone would care about not receiving a note.
1. They are insecure about whether or not they chose a good gift and want a note for validation.
2. They put too much stock into traditions that don't really serve a purpose other than to waste paper (and stimulate the economy a little bit I guess...).
There are a lot of things I don't like about my generation but the eschewing of thank you notes is something I can appreciate.
You say thank you notes are becoming a thing of the past, as if it's beyond human control and the situation is imposed on us from above. No. People are choosing to be rude and self-centered.
Maybe wedding gifts should also become a thing of the past. Maybe gift givers are putting too much stock into traditions that aren't appreciated and therefore a waste of money.
You say thank you notes are becoming a thing of the past, as if it's beyond human control and the situation is imposed on us from above. No. People are choosing to be rude and self-centered.
Maybe wedding gifts should also become a thing of the past. Maybe gift givers are putting too much stock into traditions that aren't appreciated and therefore a waste of money.
Just a thought.
It really comes down to parenting to pass these things on. My oldest sister has fine manners, but when it came to her son, she never taught him to say thank you for gifts. We went to to his 5th birthday party, he opened the gift, and she wouldn't make him say thank you. If they're not being indoctrinated while young then they won't have manners as they get older.
It really comes down to parenting to pass these things on. My oldest sister has fine manners, but when it came to her son, she never taught him to say thank you for gifts. We went to to his 5th birthday party, he opened the gift, and she wouldn't make him say thank you. If they're not being indoctrinated while young then they won't have manners as they get older.
No one used to argue that thank you notes were an unrealistic expectation. If they didn't send one, they owned up to it at least, and at best apologized for the oversight. Now we see this entitled attitude more and more and more. To say that the fault lies with the gift giver who expects a thank you note, is just lame as hell.
And of course you are right. If they aren't taught to express thanks, then it seems like an unnecessary extra to them.
According to the history of wedding customs, brides used to keep hope chests and prepared for their future household needs on their own and with the help of their families. Grooms prepared by securing a house to live in. Wedding gifts were not customary at all from friends. Then gradually, friends began giving gifts even though etiquette still does not actually require it. Thank you notes were sent always.
Now, we're moving into gifts being expected, and couples being offended at the idea that they should write thank you notes.
Come to think of it, I don't think we received thank you cards for some of the things we went to in the past year and gave nice gifts for. But these weren't weddings - rather baptisms, 1st birthdays, etc.
For my wedding, I handwrote all the thank you cards and all of them went out about 4 months later. It takes a while for the photographers to manufacture the thank you cards, so there's lag there, and hand-writing I think is more appreciated and makes any delay much more justified (But I don't think many people are keeping track).
IMO, if the thank yous are hand-written and personalized, it's worth the wait. Some people think typing them is tacky, but if you've made it personalized to each recipient, that trumps the formatting. It is pretty lame to get a generic thank you, typed up, with not even your name written on it, but it's not the worst thing in the world. There are some additional unwritten guidelines on thank yous, so whoever is the better writer should handle them.
Over the years, I've attended many a wedding, and gifted either cash or a nice, tasteful gift. I'd say I've received thank you notes from less than 50% of the recipients. Unacceptable. Low rent. No class. In one instance, a co-worker of my DH invited us to his reception. He was not a close friend, simply an associate. I'd never met the man. We went. Didn't know a soul other than him, and he barely acknowledged us. Nonetheless, we gave him a generous cash gift and didn't receive an acknowledgement of any sort. In retrospect, we should have bought them a toilet plunger.
Over the years, I've attended many a wedding, and gifted either cash or a nice, tasteful gift. I'd say I've received thank you notes from less than 50% of the recipients. Unacceptable. Low rent. No class. In one instance, a co-worker of my DH invited us to his reception. He was not a close friend, simply an associate. I'd never met the man. We went. Didn't know a soul other than him, and he barely acknowledged us. Nonetheless, we gave him a generous cash gift and didn't receive an acknowledgement of any sort. In retrospect, we should have bought them a toilet plunger.
Couldn't agree more. People have become very inconsiderate these days. I understand we're in the digital age, and handwritten notes may no longer be a thing, but you could at least send an email, a text, SOMETHING to indicate your appreciation and acknowledgment.
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Yay for good manners! 
