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But being in the 'circle' requires you to leave your 'integrity' at the door.
That is not necessarily true, I noticed that for me to get into the circle I just had to have common interests and a certain intangible way of communicating, a no BS get things done way of being so to speak. You cant be a wierdo or have wierd hobbies or be a wimp, etc. Have manly hobbies that get other people excited, do things that are cool and exciting, etc. It goes deeper than that but thats a good start.
not every inner circle is full of thieves or slanderers.
I just found out what's been going on 'behind the scenes' at my job. I started recently (less than 2 months). I replaced someone who gave notice, then changed her mind- she offered to train me, boss said she could stay part time. She was the best friend of the other woman I share an office with.
After a couple days it was obvious I was being sabotaged... so I left. The boss called me on the way home and I explained why I'd left. He asked me to come back and try again. A couple days later (fuzzy on details about that, it was so quick) he canned her - not to toot my own horn here, but I ROCK at this job!
So, I've noticed some sabotage from her friend and there have been several attempts to get 'fired friend' rehired. I've been able to dodge it all - I have a real knack for this job, I multi-task like few others can. The vendors and clients love me. Not so much the other two.
Apparently, not being able to get me professionally, she has been undermining me - making little digs to my character, etc. The boss said something vague last week and I approached her - she was full of how she loves working with me, grateful I'm here, sorry about her attitude, etc. Long story short, we got called into the boss's office today and I was blindsided by her -'I don't know what else to do, I just can't work with someone so difficult. We need help big, strong bossman. Can you give me some guidance?'. I blew my top, completely unprofessional and accused her of being lazy, sneaky, gossipy and a liar. The boss and I got in a yelling match at that point, where he reminded me he was the boss several times. Eventually, we calmed down, he told me he had some thinking to do (she's a LOOOONG time employee) and he sent me to "a long lunch" and told me if I didn't apologize, he didn't see way to keep me on. I said I'd apologize for saying those things OUT LOUD, but that I meant every word, prided myself on my own integrity, apologized for losing my temper and told him I won't lie, even to keep the job. I left for the lunch - no one made eye contact with me.
I went home and called him an hour later. I was still upset and not about to drive back if I was fired. Apparently, not - he said he wasn't sure why I thought I'd be fired... ooookaaaay. I told him that I was still very upset and wanted the rest of the day off, he said he'd see me in the morning, other woman would cover me. Seriously - I didn't even giggle. I just said thanks.
About 10 minutes later, I began getting client calls on my cell phone - she'd FORWARDED them to me, gave some my PERSONAL number. I called the boss, let him know. This will be missing many details, but in the end, when I called the client back about an hour later with the info, she said 'other woman' had called her and asked her if she could do anything for her as she knows that I am 'ineffective' at best. lol - first time contact with this client and she saw right through it! God bless her!
In the meanwhile, I... ummmm... shall we say 'figured out' how to login to the company's online database, and a couple other programs from my home computer using the boss's login and password... I guessed and was RIGHT! I called him right away, told him and let him know that I could handle those client's issues then from home and asked for permission to tele-commute, transfer all files to my home office, etc. He's 'thinking about it'. Most of my work is client based and all my communications with other co-workers can be done remotely - and the stuff I was doing for those that didn't back me today, isn't actually part of my job description - that was just 'nice stuff' that I did on the side (but no longer). Boss wasn't upset, btw - he sent me MORE work to do this afternoon from here! (He does always compliment me on my 'initiative'.)
I've got everyone I know (and many I don't) praying for me tonight - what a blessing it would be not to have to deal with that bully! And how great it will be when she has to learn to stand on her own two feet and not have someone else cover for her constantly because she got distracted on FB and 'forgot' to fedex something, or send a check, or make a call. Looking forward to dropping her on her butt.
In the meanwhile, I'm reapplying for new positions - 'back in the day', I used to warn my old bosses that if they gave me off a day during the week, I'd come back in with a 2 week notice, a new job and a raise. Let's see if 15 years later I can still pull that off!
More times than I can count. There are certain types of positions in which one can end up getting blamed for things even if it's not something you control. And there are a lot of bullies in the workplace as well who look for easy targets.
I worked (for 5 months, 3 days, and 7 hrs, but who's counting) for a tiny company that at the end blamed me for the core product having illegal shareware in the product...they never bothered to license the software and it wasn't enterprise grade. That product was released at least a year before I joined the company but yet the guy who made the decision, the COO, suddenly had amnesia and pointed his finger at me. There really are crazy people out there and many who work in companies in high levels.
The only way to handle this type is to not take their $hlt and not allow yourself to be intimidated and push back.
We have what are called 'backstabbing reports' where I work. Basically, they are anonymous forms you fill out and submit whenever anything goes wrong. unfortunately, we also have keystroke ad other monitoring equipment on all our computers so it being anonymous is bull. These reports then go to management (and the owner) and they have quarterly meetings. I didn't even find out I was being scapegoated until MONTHS after the claims were made. Luckily, I was able to refute them all easily and clear my name, but it was irritating nonetheless.
We have what are called 'backstabbing reports' where I work. Basically, they are anonymous forms you fill out and submit whenever anything goes wrong. unfortunately, we also have keystroke ad other monitoring equipment on all our computers so it being anonymous is bull. These reports then go to management (and the owner) and they have quarterly meetings. I didn't even find out I was being scapegoated until MONTHS after the claims were made. Luckily, I was able to refute them all easily and clear my name, but it was irritating nonetheless.
Sadly the workplace is backstabbers paradise - backstabbers spring up like weeds in a garden, quash one and turn around and another has sprung up!
I don't think Scapegoating is personal - you have to remember that underneath the fascade of an office environment these people are fighting to survive economically, they have familes to feed - show weakness, give anyone opportunities to backstab and undermine and for sure they will.
If someone is always the victim, though, it does make you say "hmmm".
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