Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I spend 10 hours a day, 4 days a week with my coworkers and, frankly, I'd be bored if all we talked about with each other was work. Discussing our personal lives keeps things interesting and, for the most part, we all sort of know each other's boundaries since I've known most of them for over 5 years and some of them over 10 years.
[but if that's not you, then no need to feel it's weird - it's your personal boundary]
Trust very few in the workplace. My co-workers know my hobbies and that I'm single, but that's about it except for my direct report with whom I'm pretty friendly.
I don't tell what my politics or my views on society/race/religion or anything deep.
Seems a shame that people can't at just be friendly with their co-workers
without having to pry so deeply into their private business.
And it seems silly to me that some people consider questions like, "Do you have any plans for the weekend?," or "Where are you going on vacation?," to be prying so deeply into their private lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MIKEETC
I spend 10 hours a day, 4 days a week with my coworkers and, frankly, I'd be bored if all we talked about with each other was work. Discussing our personal lives keeps things interesting and, for the most part, we all sort of know each other's boundaries since I've known most of them for over 5 years and some of them over 10 years.
Exactly. We are a small company and we all know each other fairly well. Some of us do hang out socially outside of work, and we'll chat about non-work things as well. Not a big deal. We're also able to respect each other's boundaries - I guess that's because we are all adults and can behave as such.
Speaking of boundaries - a lot of us can hang out socially, knock back a few drinks on occasion, etc. But none of us are freinds with each other on FB - we know where to draw the line
When someone asks me personal questions, I try to change the subject and dodge the question. My co-workers aren't my friends and it really isn't any of their business whether or not I am married, who I am dating, where I like to go on vacation, anything involving my family, etc., etc.
This one woman will not shut up though and keeps prying, so I have invented an entire family tree for her to try and figure out, and I always tell her I'm going somewhere exotic like Fiji or Tahiti when she asks me where I'm going on vacation. lol
I figure it's the best way to deal with her. I really don't want to be rude to her and make her dislike me, but she has no business prying in my personal life.
Is it weird that I feel this way?
It seems odd to me. I love to share my life and joys with Co workers.
Because it leads to gossip and assumptions where you might not want people to assume.
"Don't worry, Susan. Your fourth-quarter numbers are fine. Manderly is just upset about that last sales report because his wife left him/he lost big in Vegas/his kid is in jail/his hemorrhoid is bothering him."
It also makes you suspect in terms of professionalism and favoritism. "When putting together a team for the XYZ project, Manderly picked his buddies, not the people who are most qualified."
There's nothing wrong with being pleasant, but boundaries are a good thing.
Exactly. You can be pleasant but sharing all your personal business can cost you in the long run.
I worked with a woman who was passed over for a promotion. She was going through a divorce and her soon to be ex-husband still lived in the house.
She thought everyone was her buddy and she would discuss things that she shouldn't have.
She would come in and share things like "the idiot forgot to pay the electric bill and our lights were turned off".
I really believe if she had kept her "drama" to herself, she would have gotten the promotion.
Trust very few in the workplace. My co-workers know my hobbies and that I'm single, but that's about it except for my direct report with whom I'm pretty friendly.
I don't tell what my politics or my views on society/race/religion or anything deep.
Exactly. You can be pleasant but sharing all your personal business can cost you in the long run.
I worked with a woman who was passed over for a promotion. She was going through a divorce and her soon to be ex-husband still lived in the house.
She thought everyone was her buddy and she would discuss things that she shouldn't have.
She would come in and share things like "the idiot forgot to pay the electric bill and our lights were turned off".
I really believe if she had kept her "drama" to herself, she would have gotten the promotion.
A friend of mine had a boss that was exactly the same kind of dysfunctional person. Besides blabbing about all her problems, the boss was constantly on the phone, screeching at her family. The boss was hired from the outside, so her workplace didn't know how she was until she was actually working there. The boss got fired within a year for "inefficiency."
I think my coworkers know the “basics” about me and I don’t consider questions such as “Where are you going on vacation?” “What does your husband do?” “Where do you live?” “Do you have kids?” “Do you have pets?” “What did you do over the weekend?” and the like to be offensive and intrusive. For the most part, I haven’t been asked more personal things than that.
I find that people like to talk about themselves more than ask questions and it’s better if you’re a good listener rather than someone who blabs on and on about yourself. If I have a few minutes, I don’t mind hearing about people’s kids, pets, etc., or looking at pictures. I have a good memory so I always remember the names of their kids, pets, spouses, etc., and ask about them. People like that.
Over the years of being in the working world I have made several good friends that I have kept for a long time that I met at work. I look at having good interpersonal skills as an asset. It never hurts to smile and be cordial. It doesn’t hurt to have people like you. I think coldness and bad interpersonal skills work against people more than they might realize. People may be talented and skilled, but unless they are exceptional and can do things no other can (and truly few can honestly claim to be irreplaceable), if nobody likes to be around them and they creep others out with their silence, coldness, etc., they certainly won’t make the “promotion” or “must NOT lay off” list. I have seen more people fired or otherwise guided out the door for weak interpersonal skills, being a “diva,” or being downright nasty than for inferior work skills.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It never hurts to smile!
