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Different people... different personalities. That's all you need to remember. Because of that you have to learn how handle situations where personalities clash. You can actually control these situations if you're careful.
"Mark, you were totally out of line! This is wrong and you should have done XYZ instead of ABC!!"
"Bob, this customer is difficult to deal with. I had to use a different approach than is typical to get them calmed down. But.... the customer is happy and the crisis has been resolved. I'm going to shoot an email over to the boss to let them know what I had to do to de-escalate the situation. They may or may not approve of it and if they don't I would hope to receive some direction as to how to handle the situation in the future. It was unique and I had to do the best I could on the fly. I appreciate your concern and value your opinion, but let's allow management to review and see what they say. We're a team, and I'm glad to have been able to help you out in this difficult situation. We can discuss further once management has reviewed."
After that statement, don't discuss it any further regardless of what the co-worker says.
I agree with de-escalating and then going on with your day.
If you know you're in the right and have followed the proper procedures, people like this usually out themselves, and they reap what they sow. Don't let him drag you down with him.
I had something happen at work with a young coworker that I could have had fired. She actually pushed me out of the way during a bedside procedure. The patient was comatose but I went directly to the supervisor and we called her into the office. She said something stupid that and basically admitted that she did what I said she did.
The supervisor told her that people were fired for less. Had I wanted to turn it into an ego issue I could have gone to administration and had her fired.
She is a single mother, very young, and I didn't want to ruin her life over something that would have been forgotten about.
I think I would not have stayed there and listened to an out of control coworker. I would have just left the room.
Confrontations are inevitable and letting them roll off your back is important. We all have breaking points and we all say and do stupid things.
Losing a friend that you cared deeply about is another issue. I have someone who was so brutal to me last September and I still don't know why. All I could get out of him was that I was judgmental. I asked him if it was because of what I said about his alcohol abuse and he said no. He said you don't call someone dear one or say be safe because you're precious to me. He said it wasn't normal. I said that I say that to all of my friends. Heck I even call perfect strangers here on City Data dear one. It just enraged him more and he stormed off. I've forgotten the most hurtful things he said to me, but I haven't forgotten the way it made me feel.
Coworkers are just that, nothing more. Losing someone you considered your little brother is different.
Try not to turn it into an ego thing because you feel wronged. If your coworker is erratic and unstable and there may be a possibility of someone getting hurt, then by all means, pursue it.
If it's an encounter by someone who just reached a breaking point and it's not that serious, then let it go. Keep your distance and do your best not to interact with that person.
It worked like a charm with my coworker after we had our talk with the supervisor. She was very respectful and cooperative. We interacted purely on a professional level.
As far as losing my little brother? Well I think he did me a favor. I honestly can't stand the thought of watching someone else I care about disappear into a bottle. I lost a best friend that way. Not again!
These things have a way of fading from memory sooner or later. Such is life.
There was nothing wrong with your response, Stagemomma, and you probably handled it a little better than I would have. Your colleague is acting like the angry customer on the phone so just roll your eyes and throw him into that pile of people.
Okay so this am he came to me very politely and asked if we could talk about our 'interaction' last week. I said politely I'd be glad to after storytime (I wasn't ready). So as I was leaving I asked if he wanted to talk. He said we should do it in private. The hair all over my body stood up...that old familiar anxiety tingle, and I knew I couldn't go into a room with him alone. (there was another librarian in the room who had heard my side of the story but not his) I was really not afraid of him or what he would say, I just needed to be not in a space reminiscent of a principals office and I didn't think we needed to take a lot of time to say what we needed to say.
So he said Then we'll have to do this when Boss is available and I went home.
Then I realized I should have just gone ahead and done my part of the apology. I was planning to say that I was sorry I'd made the choice that had him feeling disrespected and that I wish we could have just talked about it (without the anger). If I'd said that, he probably would have realized I'm not going to attack him, now he is on the defensive until tomorrow., which was not my intent.
I hate that I feel so stressed about this whole stupid thing. The blessing is that every coworker I did discuss this with agreed that he was making too big a deal about it. I don't plan to discuss it with everyone. I think he is afraid that i"m going to throw him under the bus for being so nasty to me, but I don't plan on it.
Okay so this am he came to me very politely and asked if we could talk about our 'interaction' last week. I said politely I'd be glad to after storytime (I wasn't ready). So as I was leaving I asked if he wanted to talk. He said we should do it in private. The hair all over my body stood up...that old familiar anxiety tingle, and I knew I couldn't go into a room with him alone. (there was another librarian in the room who had heard my side of the story but not his) I was really not afraid of him or what he would say, I just needed to be not in a space reminiscent of a principals office and I didn't think we needed to take a lot of time to say what we needed to say.
So he said Then we'll have to do this when Boss is available and I went home.
Then I realized I should have just gone ahead and done my part of the apology. I was planning to say that I was sorry I'd made the choice that had him feeling disrespected and that I wish we could have just talked about it (without the anger). If I'd said that, he probably would have realized I'm not going to attack him, now he is on the defensive until tomorrow., which was not my intent.
I hate that I feel so stressed about this whole stupid thing. The blessing is that every coworker I did discuss this with agreed that he was making too big a deal about it. I don't plan to discuss it with everyone. I think he is afraid that i"m going to throw him under the bus for being so nasty to me, but I don't plan on it.
Thank you for the feedback!!!!
I hate that I feel so stressed about this whole stupid thing. The blessing is that every coworker I did discuss this with agreed that he was making too big a deal about it. I don't plan to discuss it with everyone.
Sounds like you DID discuss it with enough that it got back to him.....This may label you as a "Gossip"
It's best not to discuss an issue with a co-worker with other co-workers. The most innocent of conversations could be turned into something else with gossip passing back and forth. If possible you might want to limit that to management and the co-worker in question.
As a child, did you ever play the game where you whispered something to someone in a circle, and they had to pass the info around the circle until it got back to you? If so, did you ever notice how what you said wasn't what got back to you? Sometimes even the unintentional repeat can be misconstrued.
He may have been technically correct, but his disrespectful attitude is unacceptable- and to me that is the issue at hand. Bullying people on the job is not to be tolerated.
Were it me, I would insist on a witness and make it clear that while you may not have handled the matter perfectly, his cutting you off, threatening you, bullying you will lead to repercussions. In fact, I think I might send an official memo to the boss about this to start a paper trail. This joker has to make a better effort to get along.
He may have been technically correct, but his disrespectful attitude is unacceptable- and to me that is the issue at hand. Bullying people on the job is not to be tolerated.
Were it me, I would insist on a witness and make it clear that while you may not have handled the matter perfectly, his cutting you off, threatening you, bullying you will lead to repercussions. In fact, I think I might send an official memo to the boss about this to start a paper trail. This joker has to make a better effort to get along.
It doesn't need to happen with other co-workers. This matter is better left to a conversation with management and the offender. NOT water-cooler talk with a third co-worker involved.
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