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So like i said, my grandparents live RIGHT behind my family's new house (so close my family even uses their wifi). My grandmother is VERY DICTATORIAL. She can be nice, but turn on you so fast and easily. One time she even said she could hurt herself and call the cops and tell them I did it, I fear she might actually do that. Remember how she took my doorknob off in my house (she never even lived in our house) behind my moms back and when I put my hand on the doorknob to stop her she threatened to call the cops and tell them I hurt her? She has also stood in my way, and I have to walk by, but she will say that I am assaulting her by trying to get past her. First off, I'm not, second off, you shouldn't be trying to prevent me from walking through. Hell, if I want to walk out of the house and become a homeless person by choice I have that right.
It may be my mom's house, but my grandmother makes the rules, not my mom, my mom won't stand up for herself or her children, well not to her parents. One time my grandfather hit me in the back of the head for no reason and my mom just laughed and say "That was a good one!". My mom also refused to visit me on my birthday when I was in a treatment facility, and more recently when she and her husband (who's not my dad) drove me to the bus station so I could come from there to California, she refused to take my sister out of school so I could see her. It was actually my abusive, alcoholic dad who visited me on my birthday when I was in the treatment center, and my mom refused to come and visit me because other people kept getting me in trouble and my mom said I didn't deserve to see her, or at least that is what my dad told me.
So if I go home, and I do get kicked out, what should/can I do? I do not qualify to join the military or Peace Corps, and I don't know if I could make it through Job Corps.
People say oh you're 21 you have your whole life ahead of you, but they ignore the reality of being on your own without having had a chance to prepare in a capitalist society.
Someone on here told me to not go home and just go to a homeless shelter (that must be what they meant, cause I'd have nowhere else to go). They said go to a group home (I'm not a druggy or a criminal, I have no criminal record, I have never even been arrested). I've been told (I think by someone different, maybe on here or Yahoo! Answers) go to a homeless shelter in a new city because that is your only chance to make it in life now, but I would need money to even take a bus to anywhere! I couldn't even afford to buy food today! My food stamps don't renew for like a week, and no online surveys are available (it'd take days to transfer to PayPal, and then days to transfer to the bank anyway).
I want to make a New Year's resolution to do what I need to do in life, but part of me is scared I will continue to fail, because I have always failed and I wonder if some kind of force is actually keeping me a failure, but if so why did that force let me leave home? Maybe there is no force and I simply lack any life skills because neither school nor my parents taught me.
People apply for hundreds of jobs and still get nothing. I can't stop expecting the worst when that's all that has happened to me. I even think it might be SMART to expect the worst because it's only logical, it's illogical to expect good things to happen, even if you try your hardest sadly (you rely on luck for good to happen sadly). Look, I don't know the truth of reality, everyone is so negative (there was even a petition to have news networks be forced to report more good news as there is so much bad news). Everyone says different things, making it impossible to know what's true. I'm sick of seeing every person who can't get a job be told to join the military, it's pure ignorance to assume that everyone can join.
Bad luck seems to always strike me, even if it changes it's form, it's like I ALWAYS have to have bad luck, to make things harder for me, I can't just have it easy like the majority of people do.
If I get kicked out one of a few things are likely to happen, I will attempt robbery and end up in prison, I will kill myself, I will completely lose it and go violent and go to prison. Homeless shelter? I'll probably just be harassed by p's os and that will be very bad.
I cried real bad last night, just feeling like dying, completely hopeless, and alone (completely as Internet's out). Feeling like I might as well just kill myself (like all suicidal people, I don't really want to die, I just want to stop suffering).
And feeling like if I die NOTHING (even the good stuff) that has ever happened in my life will matter, because I'll be dead.
You live in a dysfunctional household and are around manipulative people. Things will not improve much until you are out of the house. I don't know what kind of resources your county has, but maybe you should speak with someone from the homeless shelter, the Salvation Army, and county job services to see what can be done.
You live in a dysfunctional household and are around manipulative people. Things will not improve much until you are out of the house. I don't know what kind of resources your county has, but maybe you should speak with someone from the homeless shelter, the Salvation Army, and county job services to see what can be done.
Shouldn't I at least go home and TRY to get a job there? My family will be off of my butt if I try and get a job, and it's not a small town so no small town gossip that can jeopardize my reputation (bad reputation can mean no employment, why must grown adults act like teenagers?)
Last time I was on my own (still had money to take buses) I got to the point of not being able to afford to eat, started asking people for a dollar. One guy pulled out a HUGE stack of money (don't do that, some people will grab it and run) and gave me a dollar (I think I might have gotten more if I asked, but was afraid of seeming bad). Another guy told me "Get away from me". I was too scared to ask anyone else for any money, and just starved. This was in a bus station.
Your suggestions will be my only options if I get kicked out I guess. I want to make my family end up saying WHOAH YOU REALLY HAVE CHANGED, GOOD JOB!
It will be difficult if depression strikes while job applying or during an interview if I get one.
Am I being punished for something I did, maybe in a past life or lives? If that's real. I recently actually prayed to God! But of course, no answer, which is why I lost faith and doubted so long ago.
Try very hard to get a job and try to find several roommates so you can afford to at least pay rent for a room. Try a 4 bedrooms house, because the more roommates you have, cheaper the rent. I don not advise that you share a room because roommate situation is hard and you will have to make a lot of compromise and from what I just read from your post, you at least need a place to escape for this to even have a chance of succeeding.
I cried real bad last night, just feeling like dying, completely hopeless, and alone (completely as Internet's out). Feeling like I might as well just kill myself (like all suicidal people, I don't really want to die, I just want to stop suffering).
And feeling like if I die NOTHING (even the good stuff) that has ever happened in my life will matter, because I'll be dead.
Speaking from experience things can and will get better, you just have to set your mind to changing your circumstances. I have contemplated suicide more than a few times in my life and I'm still here. I went through three years of the most crushing depression of my life and towards the end of that I lost my best friend to a car accident and a high school friend to suicide. Both in the course of five days. It was devastating to say the least. I made it through hell and you can too! You are young and so much will change for you as the years go by, don't let your current situation determine your self worth. You matter, and your value is determined by YOU, not by what others think of you. Make a plan, move forward and leave behind anything that undermines your self worth.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 01-01-2017 at 01:29 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
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