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What do you all think of a senior manager at a fairly decent size company throwing poker parties every few months but only inviting the male supervisors under him (his long time personal friends) and a select few male employees. Is this something that would happen in your company? Is this against any rules of business? I know, years ago, a woman in our dept (who has since retired) complained to HR but nothing clearly happened because he continues to do it.
Would love to hear if others have dealt with this. Yes, I'm in this dept but I'm a woman and my chances of being invited are nil.
Have you ever expressed an interest in poker or being invited? Maybe they have no clue that you are interested.
Do you feel that favoritism is being shown to his underlings as a result of these poker parties?
No, I don't see a problem. I have worked for enough companies over the past 20 years, and no employee handbook or HR training in any of these companies forbade or even addressed that issue.
What do you all think of a senior manager at a fairly decent size company throwing poker parties every few months but only inviting the male supervisors under him (his long time personal friends) and a select few male employees. Is this something that would happen in your company? Is this against any rules of business? I know, years ago, a woman in our dept (who has since retired) complained to HR but nothing clearly happened because he continues to do it.
Would love to hear if others have dealt with this. Yes, I'm in this dept but I'm a woman and my chances of being invited are nil.
Let's turn this around - do you want a "rule of business" to dictate who you can or cannot hang around with during your none work hours?
I swear some won't be happy until there are rules, possible government imposed with fines and imprisonment, for every facet of your personal lives.
Let's turn this around - do you want a "rule of business" to dictate who you can or cannot hang around with during your none work hours?
I swear some won't be happy until there are rules, possible government imposed with fines and imprisonment, for every facet of your personal lives.
Drama queen much? It's about who management socializes with not every single employee. You know, there are some companies that actually forbid you to date anyone else in your department or even at the entire company. It doesn't quite qualify as oppression.
Look, point of fact, it's unprofessional in a corporate environment for a boss to play favorites with people no matter what their gender. And when you have constant and regular access to the boss that others don't have, it affects how you and your ideas are viewed. I saw this happen in a previous company I worked for - the boss had his favorites (both genders) and they went to lunch all the time and had cookouts and cocktail parties and whatnot. It created a great deal of resentment in the office and many of his decisions were questioned as a result by those under him. I didn't care, as I was so low-ranking back then it didn't particularly matter, but it was noticed. It was terrible for morale and I think it did play into how business was conducted. The people who had the boss's ear were not always the most qualified people.
A smart boss will keep a professional distance with their employees. After I left that company, I worked with a boss who kept that professional distance and was scrupulously fair. There were many office events for our department that were entirely inclusive. The department was largely free of drama. No one questioned her decisions one iota and her staff were incredibly loyal because of that fairness. We all socialized with each other, and the boss just kept her distance. You know, because she had a life too. It's about being a professional and not tangling your personal life up with your job.
OP, I'd get out of the department if you can. If you're not one of the annointed ones and you have ambition, it can be a tough slog.
So someone at your company is having a poker party (I assume after work) with some co workers, some of which are long time friends, and you're bent because he didnt ask you?
Really, who does he think he is, having friends over after work and not asking you.
The nerve!
You have been bitching about your job here for 4 years. Its always something with you. Have you ever considered that your issues are brought upon by yourself?
Last edited by carnivalday; 05-08-2017 at 05:09 PM..
I have mixed feelings on this. My director does it and it's created some friction within the department.
I think the issue comes from those involved discussing it at work. We were sitting as a group having lunch and all the guys started talking about our boss sending them invites that morning. All the women were out of the loop. It was just awkward.
A smart manager wouldn't do it, period. It's just too easy to create a perception of favoritism.
It is something that can be viewed as an unfair advantage for some of the people invited to play. This is especially true if they ever end up discussing work at any of these parties.
But short of anonymously reporting an illegal porker party (if it is illegal there) to the police, that really is not much you can do about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Look, point of fact, it's unprofessional in a corporate environment for a boss to play favorites with people no matter what their gender. And when you have constant and regular access to the boss that others don't have, it affects how you and your ideas are viewed. I saw this happen in a previous company I worked for - the boss had his favorites (both genders) and they went to lunch all the time and had cookouts and cocktail parties and whatnot. It created a great deal of resentment in the office and many of his decisions were questioned as a result by those under him. I didn't care, as I was so low-ranking back then it didn't particularly matter, but it was noticed. It was terrible for morale and I think it did play into how business was conducted. The people who had the boss's ear were not always the most qualified people.
I'll bet most of the responses telling the OP she is out of line for objecting are coming from males. The two quotes above summarize why it is wrong. Regular activities such as this turns into an unfair advantage at work. And it is wrong, but not illegal which is why HR won't be any help.
Unfortunately, since the OP is not part of the "old boys club" the only thing she can do if it spills over into work is to find another job. I am a female, and I have experienced the same thing. Take the experiences and skills you have and move to a place that will give you an even playing field.
The OP doesn't say whether she's a manager or not. And even if she is and gathered a few other female supervisors to play tennis every other months, so what ? Do you the male supervisors have a right to say anything ? Do you think they would ? Not a chance.
It's very common for folks who work together to be friends outside of the office. Especially as the OP denoted them as "long time friends". OP also doesn't say if other guys outside of the office are invited to the poker game and maybe she doesn't know. Maybe the senior manager's wife is friends with the other supervisors' wives.
If it bothers her so much, leave the company. I wonder if these same guys go to lunch together every day as well.
I have mixed feelings on this. My director does it and it's created some friction within the department.
I think the issue comes from those involved discussing it at work. We were sitting as a group having lunch and all the guys started talking about our boss sending them invites that morning. All the women were out of the loop. It was just awkward.
A smart manager wouldn't do it, period. It's just too easy to create a perception of favoritism.
Right, a smart manager doesn't fraternize with employees off the clock, there are also fraternization polices in companies that have suppliers or customers in competition for business or looking to get better rates.
What's so hard about keeping work separate?
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