Communicating with a friend or loved one..
Posted 12-16-2009 at 12:01 AM by UrbanBlasphemy
Everyone, at some point in time or another, has difficulty communicating with someone they share a special bond with. Things get heated and words are spoken that can’t be taken back. However, through effective communication, those two people can quickly resolve things and move on with their lives
Listen Actively
Listen Actively
- Be attentive - concentrate on what is being said, with the intent of understanding what's being said. Look for key words and phrases, usually these are nouns, verbs, or adjectives.
- Be impartial - don't form an opinion, just listen and understand what the other person is saying.
- Reflect back - restating what has been said helps the speaker know that you understand, and it also helps you to fully understand what the speaker is saying.
- Summarize - pull together the important messages so that you and the speaker recognize what was important during the conversation. This is extremely important, especially during a heated debate. It serves two purposes: First, to make sure that both of you understand exactly what concept is being discussed, and second, it gives you a moment to reflect on all that has been said and to form an opinion on the subject.
- Posture - let your body show that you are interested in what the other person has to say by sitting up and leaning toward the speaker.
- Equal positioning - if the speaker is standing, you stand. If the speaker is sitting, you sit as well.
- Facial expression - remember that feelings are reflected in facial expressions.
- Gestures - your body language reveals a lot about how you interpret a message, so be aware of when you send signals that might cause the speaker to believe that you are angry, in a hurry, bored, etc.
- Be open and honest - effective communication cannot take place without some degree of trust. People are more likely to accept what you have to say when you've shown yourself to be open and honest.
- Speak clearly - don't mumble and don't talk too quietly. If you don't know the word for something, describe what you mean so that you and the speaker can have a shared understanding of your concern or question.
- Express concerns non-judgmentally. Talk about your questions or concerns without blaming other people, or even implying blame on another person. For example, you might be angry that your husband ignores you when he watches TV. Rather than talk about his negative actions, discuss your ideas of how time can be better spent.
- Use "I" messages. Rather than say, "You didn't explain that very well," say, "I didn't understand what you just said. Please explain it again."
- Be positive. When you find yourself in a tense situation, instead of reacting negatively towards the person, take a deep breath and a moment to relax. Speak words of encouragement towards that person, encouraging them to calm down as well. For example, and this only takes a moment to say but can have a lasting impact: "I know we disagree, and I don't either of us upset anymore than we already are, so lets just take a moment to calm down before continuing our discussion."
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