Motivation - Gone
Posted 09-25-2010 at 11:55 AM by EmmyNoether
This week I worked non-stop on a proof about a result that I decided to add into my dissertation. I thought I had finished proving it on Tuesday, however when I went to start writing it up on Wednesday.... not so much. I edited my procedure, and thought once again that I had finished.... this back and forth continued through most of Wednesday all day Thursday and into Friday until at 3:45 I hit the last key stroke and compiled my finalized Latex file. It was nice to work with such intensity for so long, however, I woke up this morning and tried to move the work forward. Key word: tried. I managed to work for about 15 minutes before my concentration petered out and I spent the last 3 hours watching tv. I suppose that's why we are supposed to have weekends... so that we can rest for a little bit. In truth, I won't be resting much at all.
I will likely take today off and then starting tomorrow I have to continue pushing the work forward. In addition to moving my research along, I have to write my first midterm which I really really don't want to do. I dislike writing midterms, then grading them. But aside from being horribly unmotivated today, this week was actually filled with happiness. I guess that's how I feel when I put aside the teaching stuff and focus solely on the joys of proving something in math.
I feel really good about what I accomplished - not just because I have a 4 page document to show for it, but because I feel one step closer to being done. I also got to see my daddy, which was a particularly nice treat. He has been doing a lot of traveling for his job and one of his recent projects put him in my area. The thing that bothers me the most is that I really don't have that much of a relationship with my dad. It's because every time I see my parents, my mom usurps all my time and essentially kicks my dad out of things. As a result, when he is around my mom he is a very angry and bitter man - which strains our interactions. When we finally got some one-on-one this week, I was surprised that I enjoyed every minute. We had real conversations about things other than the one we typically have - that I'm not working hard enough and I spend too much time taking care of "house things."
It is nice when life seems to work out for a change. Life and work were finally in perfect harmony this week. Of course other things failed - I didn't write my blog (sorry) and I let the house get messy and the fridge depleted. But, the important thing remained: happiness.
I will likely take today off and then starting tomorrow I have to continue pushing the work forward. In addition to moving my research along, I have to write my first midterm which I really really don't want to do. I dislike writing midterms, then grading them. But aside from being horribly unmotivated today, this week was actually filled with happiness. I guess that's how I feel when I put aside the teaching stuff and focus solely on the joys of proving something in math.
I feel really good about what I accomplished - not just because I have a 4 page document to show for it, but because I feel one step closer to being done. I also got to see my daddy, which was a particularly nice treat. He has been doing a lot of traveling for his job and one of his recent projects put him in my area. The thing that bothers me the most is that I really don't have that much of a relationship with my dad. It's because every time I see my parents, my mom usurps all my time and essentially kicks my dad out of things. As a result, when he is around my mom he is a very angry and bitter man - which strains our interactions. When we finally got some one-on-one this week, I was surprised that I enjoyed every minute. We had real conversations about things other than the one we typically have - that I'm not working hard enough and I spend too much time taking care of "house things."
It is nice when life seems to work out for a change. Life and work were finally in perfect harmony this week. Of course other things failed - I didn't write my blog (sorry) and I let the house get messy and the fridge depleted. But, the important thing remained: happiness.
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