A Different New Year's Eve

I thought about it before I went to bed last night...how different this New Year's Eve was. DS complained that hubby did not get his bubbly apple cider for that ceremonial toast. Well, he's got something to complain about! Hubby didn't even buy us a bottle of champagne for THAT ceremonial toast. We kinda felt all blah this year, a carry over of the blah over the holidays. For the first time there was no bubbly, the first time I went to bed before the ball dropped and didn't care about watching the ball drop, didn't care that for the first time, DD, only 14 was at a friend's house sleeping over playing Wii, no chestnuts roasting over an open fire.

I asked myself if there was any cause for celebration at this time. And then it occured to me that while there is probably no cause to celebrate, there is plenty to be thankful for. It was cold last night, and much as I hated thinking about how my heating bill is probably going through the roof, I paused to think about the people who had no heating bill to worry about, the people who had no heat at all in their homes, or worse, those who do not even have a home. I thought about the people who have just been foreclosed upon, renters kicked out of their rentals that were foreclosed upon, people who are unemployed, people in shelters, the homeless. As I wrapped my warm down comforter around me, I closed my eyes and thought about them and said a silent prayer for them, and then one of thanks that I have what I have.

I thought about how I dread going back to work on Monday after an extended time off. I thought about my job that I disliked, a boss who could use a bit more planning and organization skills. And then I thought about the people without a job, without health insurance. I thought about the people who hated their jobs, that the thought of quitting without unemployment (and health insurance!) kept them there in bondage. And I closed my eyes and thought about them, and said a prayer for them, and then from me in thanks. I do have a job, I do have insurance, and for now, I do have my health.

A year ago, I went for my usual wellness screening and came out of there with a diagnosis of breast cancer. They caught it early, I had the lump removed, and went through 7 weeks of radiation that burned me. But I lived. Last month I went for my usual wellness screening and came out of there with pre-cancerous polyps which they removed. They caught it early, and I'm going to live. And then I closed my eyes and think of all the people whose illnesses were not caught early, those that didn't have the means for treatment, let alone the diagnosis. I prayed for them and their loved ones, and then said a prayer of thanks that I did have the good fortune that so many do not have.

So on New Year's Eve, when I was too depressed to go out there and watch the fireworks, too full of angst about the future to toast with champagne, my heart was full of thanks for the simplest things I have, because somewhere out there, I know someone would much rather be in my place.