Vows of membership to the visible church

I have a long and painful tale to tell, but the gist is, I was a member of the OPC (Orthodox Presbyterian) and went through a traumatizing divorce for which my session would not investigate my charges against my ex. I lost faith in them, was clinically depressed for an extended period of time. The church ex communicated me on the grounds that I did not submit to my session. No adultery, heresy, devisiveness in the church, just a complete breakdown. It took me three years to be re instated to the church. In that time I had visited another OPC church and was dating someone there.He was told, after advising his elders what my situation wasand that we had become engaged, that he was to completely close off communication with me.
I have been restored to the church but now as I consider the vows that condemned me, where did they come from? They were not instituted in the Bible. I live in fear and distrust of these men who espouse 'church laws'
Is there an answer? I will never forsake the assembly. I live corporate worship and believe in the ordaining of elders and deacons, bur I am in mortal fear of the vows.