searching the soul
Posted 07-24-2008 at 09:06 AM by aiangel_writer
How can the sun be shining when my world is slowly falling apart? The birds should be singing songs of mourning instead of their usual happy chirps.
The day should be a dull, dreary gray slice of life, filled with dampness and casting a dreary spell over all who chose to venture out.
I sit here, huddled against the chair, and take stock of my life. Rivers of tears have washed down my cheeks, and my eyes have overflowed so much they are dried and gritty. A huge lump gets in my way each time I swallow, and the pain is welcome.
What happened? How did something so beautiful turn into such a nightmare?
How can one person fail so miserably at life? And how can I endure even one more day of the torture and agony of life all the while pretending all is well with my world?
Am I such a good actress that no one can see the pain? Or do they simply not care, too busy to get involved, not wanting to make matters worse?
Can't they hear the silent screams I have echoing around in my head? Begging for someone to help me? How can they look into my soul-less eyes and not know the truth?
I thought I had found my life long mate, he was so loving and caring. I poured out my heart to him, giving him all I had, yet he turned away from me, rejected me and accused me.
The physical wounds have healed, but the ones I carry deep inside torment me day and night. There seems to be no escape, and I feel doomed to continue to live this life forever.
Was I not good enough? Did I not please him? I tried, man how I tried. He was my life, and I wanted him happy so I gave him my all. Yet he took it, chewed it up and spat it back into my face.
Once I felt beautiful and loved. Now I feel old and haggered and not fit for him to walk upon.
HOw did I allow him to enter into my soul and tear it to shreads? Where is the strength to fight for my very survival? Where is the will to get out?
I'm tired, and so alone. All the color has left my world, leaving behind bare gray branches of what could have been. In the far reaches of my mind, a tiny speck of gold light teases me, and if I sleep deeply enough, I catch a glimpse of the girl from yesterday, and feel the sun on my skin--bask in the blue of the ocean and embrace the laughter.
author note: just the ramblings of my writers mind on this summer morning. Please note that none of the above is true, just musing outloud, brainstorming for a piece I'm putting together.
have a very blessed day, aiangel.
The day should be a dull, dreary gray slice of life, filled with dampness and casting a dreary spell over all who chose to venture out.
I sit here, huddled against the chair, and take stock of my life. Rivers of tears have washed down my cheeks, and my eyes have overflowed so much they are dried and gritty. A huge lump gets in my way each time I swallow, and the pain is welcome.
What happened? How did something so beautiful turn into such a nightmare?
How can one person fail so miserably at life? And how can I endure even one more day of the torture and agony of life all the while pretending all is well with my world?
Am I such a good actress that no one can see the pain? Or do they simply not care, too busy to get involved, not wanting to make matters worse?
Can't they hear the silent screams I have echoing around in my head? Begging for someone to help me? How can they look into my soul-less eyes and not know the truth?
I thought I had found my life long mate, he was so loving and caring. I poured out my heart to him, giving him all I had, yet he turned away from me, rejected me and accused me.
The physical wounds have healed, but the ones I carry deep inside torment me day and night. There seems to be no escape, and I feel doomed to continue to live this life forever.
Was I not good enough? Did I not please him? I tried, man how I tried. He was my life, and I wanted him happy so I gave him my all. Yet he took it, chewed it up and spat it back into my face.
Once I felt beautiful and loved. Now I feel old and haggered and not fit for him to walk upon.
HOw did I allow him to enter into my soul and tear it to shreads? Where is the strength to fight for my very survival? Where is the will to get out?
I'm tired, and so alone. All the color has left my world, leaving behind bare gray branches of what could have been. In the far reaches of my mind, a tiny speck of gold light teases me, and if I sleep deeply enough, I catch a glimpse of the girl from yesterday, and feel the sun on my skin--bask in the blue of the ocean and embrace the laughter.
author note: just the ramblings of my writers mind on this summer morning. Please note that none of the above is true, just musing outloud, brainstorming for a piece I'm putting together.
have a very blessed day, aiangel.
Total Comments 7
Comments
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thank god its not true cause no one should feel and endure loves pain ..have a wonderful day and nite ...Posted 07-24-2008 at 11:33 PM by brenda starz
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I too am glad it isn't true. If this is your brainstorming piece, it is a good one!
PamPosted 07-25-2008 at 10:27 AM by Pam& Bill
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one who knows
Something wrong ? no anger.Posted 07-25-2008 at 09:07 PM by cushla
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Whew, Aiangel, thought you were inside my head from several years ago
That was good dramatic stuff..Posted 07-26-2008 at 01:40 AM by Miss Blue
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thank you all for the very kind comments. After reading this again, I am embarrassed. It is raw and unedited, I should have cleaned it up a bit before hitting that send button!Posted 07-26-2008 at 03:05 AM by aiangel_writer
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You scared me!! Don't do that again
As far as being a story ... good story, but too close to home for me in many respects.Posted 07-26-2008 at 09:09 PM by mams1559
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Yes, it sounded very real and familiar to me too. I guess many of us have experienced that same set of dreadful sadnesses. I was just about to recommend a remedy which involves going directly within your own being to connect with the source of peace within you, independent of outside conditions. There is a way to connect with one's self independently of the pain of the world. If anyone wants to know more, I'll send you a link. It's not a religion.Posted 09-12-2008 at 10:13 AM by busybody
