Piece of cake, I said?

Gather round ladies and gents - If I may, let me share my thoughts on physical therapy with you.

After a visit with the doctor, he ordered a one hour session twice a week. I thought "That's all? I can do that!"

Then he pulled out a piece of paper and told me it was my homework. It was a sheet of paper that had diagrams of some exercises he wanted me to do at home until the PT center had my sessions schedules. There were several exercises to do. Some were designed to gently stretch the muscles in and around my neck; others to stretch the muscles in my cervical spine and my chest; and finally two others to stretch the muscles on both side of my forearms.

It all looked fairly easy. I thought "I can do this. It'll be a piece of cake!"

My first visit to the center was for evaluation. That went well. But then about halfway through the visit the therapist asked to see the page of exercises and instructions that I'd been given by the doctor. She told me to go ahead and go through them so she could watch me doing them because she wanted to make sure I was doing them right. She made a few changes in the number of repetitions on the exercises.

To myself I thought "Okay, I can still do these. No problem. How hard could it be?"

But she wasn't done. She went on to correct the way I was breathing while I was exercising. 'This is when you should be exhaling. Now inhale here'. Seriously? Who would have thought that there was a proper way to breathe while exercising? At this stage of my life, I'm just glad to be breathing. Never mind trying to remember when I'm supposed to be inhaling or exhaling.

She made a few corrections in my posture - "sit up tall", "keep your shoulders down", "keep your arms at your side". It reminded me of what my mother used to tell me when I was a young girl.

From there she corrected my position that I was using for a couple of the exercises. There was one exercise that is supposed to stretch the "scapular retraction". According to the picture, it looks like what non-medical folks call the shoulder blades. The instructions say to stand up, keep my arms at my sides and pinch my shoulder blades together for 3 seconds, and then relax. Repeat 10 times.

What??? Do you know what that feels like when it is done correctly? I think some of you ladies will understand when I say that this exercise feels like I'm trying to reverse what gravity has accomplished all these years. Well, that is not going to happen no matter how much I push my chest out. Good grief.

I was ready to go home. But no. She still wasn't done.

She handed me a strip of red stretchy material that felt like balloon fabric but it stretches a long way without breaking. She showed me an exercise she wanted me to do at home. I'm supposed to hold one end of the band in my left fist, bring it across my rear end and then hold the other end in my right fist. Then pull up with both arms. After 15 repetitions, reverse it. Lay the strip across my tummy, hold an end in each fist and pull backwards.

Then she added two exercises to my homework using the red band. I knew then that my homework had just increased. By that time I was wondering if we'd already gone over our first hour and were well into the second hour.

So I went home with a modified exercise sheet, new exercises, the red band and instructions. I was glad she was writing it all down for me because I was losing track of how many times I was supposed to repeat each exercise and how many times a day I was supposed to do each set. Since when did the word 'set' become so confusing?

Next time: I was back at the center as scheduled. The therapist had me do six new exercises. Depending on what was required, I used either a 2-pound rod, or a 1-lb hand weight, or (oh no! Can it really be happening?) another stretchy band, only this time it was yellow. But that turned out okay in the end because it all stayed there. I didn't have to bring any of it home.

So yesterday I was at the center like I was supposed to be. My therapist had me repeat the same exercises as at the previous session.

Then she did it. She added another new exercise to my homework and (yep! Here it comes...) handed me a stretchy yellow band to take home with me.

So now I'm at 15 different exercises to do at home.... different numbers of repetitions...different numbers of sets... how many times a day?... is this when I'm supposed to inhale?... or maybe I should be exhaling? .... red band?... yellow band?


Earlier today I was doing my home exercises like a good patient. I re-read my instructions for the new exercise using the yellow band. I should have paid more attention. I was supposed to sit with the band under my right foot, hold on to it with my palms down and lift it above my left shoulder while turning my head to the left at the same time. About half way through the first set I failed to notice that the end under my foot was slipping out. When I lifted that yellow band and stretched it toward my left shoulder... WHAM! The loose end of the band flew out from under my foot, came flying up toward the other end I was pulling and slapped me in the face!

So much for a piece of cake. In hindsight, stretchy fabric bands are not your friends - I don't care what color they are.

Week 2 is approaching. Maybe I better check that. It feels like it's been longer.