You ain't nothing but a hound dog

He left me. Right before dinner. I had his favorite, roast chicken, ready to serve. I turned my back for a moment and he's gone. And this isn't the first time. Once before and stayed gone until nearly midnight. I know who he's with too. Same as last time. I should've never trusted her, knowing she had a history of running the streets.

Well this isn't the streets, and thank God for that. But i still worry. He's so young.

I'm reminded of a teenager who would walk to church Sunday morning and never come home. He would rush in Wednesday evening to shower and change for church then disappear again. I spent a lot of time like now, scanning the yard, the road, the pasture, hoping to see the wayward one returning. Always disappointed. Always ignoring the heartbreak.

Even in a failed marriage, I'd have bill money yanked from my pocket leaving me to wonder how I would ever make it. I'd hope and pray he wouldn't wreck the car or get arrested. I'd look out the window every few minutes. Hoping.

I'm glad those days are behind me. This current situation is nothing like that. He didn't steal from me. He's been nothing but faithful. He just needs to get out and do a little running around. I worry is all. And I'm reminded of those past worries. Then you have to ask yourself is it worth it? If it ended in tragedy I'd blame myself. There'd be no one else to blame. And my heart would be broken.
And that b-tch leading him off, looking for fun and adventure. She's so much older. I try not to think about that. She could break a hip.

One morning as I was getting ready for work, she lured him off. I was worried sick all day. It was after dark when he showed up, eyes shining with the excitement of the day. Expecting a warm welcome. Confused when I burst into tears. I know he doesn't understand everything. So I fed him dinner and put him to bed. If only I didn't love him so much.
And he's gone again. Why do i even worry? I'm checking down the road every few minutes. Soon it will be dark. He could get himself shot. Or almost as bad, get some female pregnant.
There are times I'd just as soon neuter him. Now hear me out. There are doctors who do that now. It would cost a small fortune but if it saved me from worrying, wouldn't it be worth it? No one needs to be making babies with the shape this world is in anyway. I'll call first thing in the morning.

But the next time we all go for a walk, I'll be watching much more closely. And I'll be a lot more careful not to drop the leash.