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In another thread Reactive Attachment Disorder was brought up and discussed briefly.
This is a diagnoses given mostly to PI - post institutionalized children who are then adopted into families. Symptoms include but are not limited to, failure to attach to the adoptive parents, random attachment to any adult and an assortment of difficulties.
Often, for some reason, many people think that children adopted from Eastern Europe are most susceptible, and that only older adopted children experience this.
I know some one who adopted at the same time as I did, from Korea. Both girls were in the hospital for the first weeks of life then transferred to foster care. Foster care is not the same as one mother caring for one infant. It sounds better that an orphanage to American ears, but it involves one case giver and several infants. The amount can be as much as 15, from what I hear, but the agency plays down the amount. In addition the foster mother may have other living in the home. Older children who help with care giving.
So, when your child arrives from Korea at typically four to six months, in terms of attachment; the situation is not perfect. Although the agency will try to tell you that it is.
I read up on attachment and took heed. My daughter had already experienced at least three (if not more) care givers - her birth mother, the foster mother and who knows who else - at the foster home and in the hospital.
I did not return to work - even part time until she was nine.
My cohort in adoption did. After six months she returned to work full time, leaving her daughter at her companies day care center.
Her mother moved is, and when she came home from work tired, she passed the care of her daughter off to her mom. From the beginning, a multitude of relatives were permitted to care for this child, From the age of three she attended summer camp. Day Care.
I limited the people who could care for and hold our daughter for the first six months to my husband and myself. She already had endured four months of multiple care givers, loss, change and I wanted to be sure that she knew who her parents were. I didn't care whose feelings were hurt. My concern was for my daughter.
I suggested that my cohort in Korean adoption do the same, but she said "that's not really a concern with Korean adoptees." I let it go. She wanted to work more than parent.
Her daughter is sadly now promiscuous and is acting out with substance abuse. Her mother complains that she has not attached and blames genetics.
My daughter is sixteen and an honor student. She went on her first date last week.
Also reactive attachment disorder can be dealt with. If it is on the high end of the spectrum, it is harder.
However, recognizing it and not being afraid of the diagnoses is much more helpful than pretending it does not exist, or that children from certain countries are impervious to RAD.
No child who is adopted at any age is impervios to this
I might add that many "homegrown" children subjected to the same child-rearing practices as those of the Korea-adopting parents described above would not be likely to develop a close relationship with their parents, and would also be at higher risk of dangerous behavior.
I might add that many "homegrown" children subjected to the same child-rearing practices as those of the Korea-adopting parents described above would not be likely to develop a close relationship with their parents, and would also be at higher risk of dangerous behavior.
Agree with this too Craig. It can happen with "home grown" children. And I've personally encountered it.
I was adopted from Russia at 3, and I know I fit a stereotype, but it's true when I say that I had a lot of issues with attachment growing up. I still have issues now that set me apart from most people. I can go months or years without missing someone. It doesn't mean that I don't love them, and I'm usually very happy to see them when I do see them, but I don't have the internal urge to try to contact them or keep in touch the way most people do. Even on a daily basis, it doesn't occur to me to call or text my family members or friends if I haven't heard from them in a few days. Sometimes I try to but it ends up coming off calculated and people can tell. This is a huge source of tension in all my relationships, and something I've been working on.
I was also very clingy growing up, for example, if I met a friend, I wanted to be with them all the time, no breaks. I've definitely gotten better about this but I used to drive away friends because I was too intense for them. I saw an adoption therapist for about 6 months and she explained to me that all these patterns are part of an attachment disorder that is related to the fact I didn't have stable caregivers until age 3.
However I do think I am a lot better off than I could have been because my dad made a lot of effort to try to love me and hug me as much as possible. My mom didn't make much of an effort trying to connect with me growing up and then later down the line, she regretted and tried to make up for lost time, but I just can't make myself feel that connected to her now because I feel like she wasn't really there for me as a kid. It's hard to just start feeling really close to someone who didn't bother to try growing up. However, my dad and I are very close now.
I agree that many RAD therapies are dangerous. I also think that many times RAD is a diagnosis used to explain behavior that may actually be a result of FAS or mental illness, or as Daniel points out it can be that an older child is simply incapable of bonding to a new family. I think that possibility is very real especially when the child has had a traumatic life to that point.
I think this is very weird. I;m not on board at all. It seems like child abuse to me! Honestly, I have never seen anything this strange.
The woman almost sounds possessed! I think this is outrageous. I'm so horrified by this that I keep editing m posts, because it is so disturbing.
Last edited by sheena12; 09-11-2012 at 04:34 PM..
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