"Never be ashamed to give your baby up for adoption" (birth mother, options)
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I read about this somewhere else, where it posted more of her entries. It's heart breaking how badly she wanted to keep her son, yet never found the support to do so. I'm glad to hear she & the adoptive parents have remained so close & hope their relationship continues to grow. I can only imagine what it would be like seeing such intimate photos of my mother during all those moments...
Pro-adoption propaganda...no more..no less. It's very sad when the adoption industry brainwashes women (and lets not forget the fathers) into thinking their temporary situation is permanent.
I suppose it is all individual, but the young women I knew who gave babies up, seemed to do better by doing forward thinking, and letting the baby go on with its own life. The ones who had open adoptions, with pictures, seemed to constantly be crying, and depressed. Agonizing if they did the right thing. Usually those same girls ended up pregnant again within a year or two, and the same problems.
I suppose every situation is different and I can make room for a mother who simply needs to make a clean break and move onward. Open adoption though has served our family well. I maintain literally weekly contact with my daughter's birth parents (both mother and father) even now that she is 14 years old. My daughter recognizes the difference between her situation and most other children, yet she is remarkably well adjusted to it. The contact with the birth parents has resulted in a wealth of useful information for us about our daughter's health. Its helped me put some problems she has with istomach aches in context.
The key to such a successful relationship has been the circumstances of the adoption. Both birth parents made a conscious decision based on intellect to place my daughter for adoption. Both selected my wife and I based on facts which were disclosed to them and promises we made. I believe me have been very honorable in keeping every promise and commitment we have made. I expect this from them and have gotten that as well.
I will admit that sometimes the arrangement calls for a great amount of tact and diplomacy. One has to be careful what one says and does not say. However, my profession and life skills have pretty much taught me how to do that. Although, I admit I find myself carefully thinking through what I want to say many times in my dialogue with my daughter's birth parents, so that I don't inadvertently offend anyone.
Such an arrangement is probably not for everyone, but it has worked well for all of us. It has many ramifications for us. I believe all the parties involved are happier than we would be with a closed adoption.
From your perspective, as the adoptive parent. You cannot answer for the woman who gave up her child. You may not have a clue what she thinks or feels inside. She may say one thing to you, and feel completely differently inside.
But, all people are not the same, maybe this worked well for her.
I'm not a fan of stories made public in this manner - the child's story should be his to tell or not. Nor ones proclaiming how great the open adoption is so very soon into the journey. I prefer to hear many years out like Mark - where both sides have worked hard for many years to honor their agreement and see the benefits of it. Those are the stories that need to be told that even with some awkwardness (careful wording at times etc) they both committed to what they felt was right.
Nitpicking - it could simply be editing but seems to be a trend lately...
Quote:
In Iowa, where Mitchell gave birth, the law says birth parents have 72 hours
until they sign consent documents giving the baby up for adoption, says Karen
Nissly, owner of Graceful Adoptions, the agency that matched the Douds with
Mitchell. And after that, they have 96 hours to change their minds.
The timeframe has always been the minimum amount of time after the birth papers can be signed - not when they must be signed. Some states even have stipulations if any meds were used during birth they need to ensure they don't affect her. When that isn't made clear then it becomes a problem to me. A mother can wait days, to weeks, to even months, she can take the babe home, she can place in cradle care, etc., until she is clear in her mind what her decision is. Nothing irks me more than to read a story that states that the adoption worker was there as soon as the papers could be legally signed - not when the mother said she was ready to sign.
I suppose it is all individual, but the young women I knew who gave babies up, seemed to do better by doing forward thinking, and letting the baby go on with its own life. The ones who had open adoptions, with pictures, seemed to constantly be crying, and depressed. Agonizing if they did the right thing. Usually those same girls ended up pregnant again within a year or two, and the same problems.
I happen to agree.
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