[OutdoorsyGal]

Originally Posted by EclecticEars

1. "That's not enough money to live in California." This is BS. Even 2 bed/1 bath apartments in affluent areas of San Diego County such as Carlsbad, Encinitas, and Carmel Valley can be found for under $2000. Even in more expensive and more affluent Orange County, such apartments can be found in cities such as Fullerton, Huntington Beach, Lake Forest, and even Newport Beach (if you look carefully enough) for under $2000. Do you really have to own a house? Is that the true manifestation of the American dream?

2. "You have to take short showers there." Just don't take ten minute showers per person, per day, and you'll be fine.

3. "People there will be very different than where you are now." I won't lie, acclamation from the South to anywhere in California can be quite a culture shock. I still experience it sometimes. But I now experience reverse culture shock whenever I go back and visit the South.



...except the job market in Southern California is more robust than it is in Alabama, or much of the South for that matter (save for maybe some Texas and North Carolina cities and Atlanta).

This can be an exciting opportunity for him. For one, a Southerner can also leave the nest beyond her comfortable confines in the South, and actually show the world that a Southerner can survive outside of their natural habitat. Southerners often tend to have an individual and collective modus operandi which stems from fear of the unknown. Trust me, I've been there, and I was afraid to move away from a Southern state until I just did it.

Frankly, the boyfriend needs to step up and say, "This is great for my career, and we'll get to see a new, wonderful part of the country together. Let's go. If either of us truly hate it after all, Alabama will always be here." If the OP doesn't like that, then, well, she can just tell her Alabama family to fly out and visit.

Signed,
A native Southerner transplanted to California

P.S. This thread also reminds me of why I choose to stay a single male for now.

Southern California is friendlier than Northern Calif where I live. I'd love to move to Alabama, not much here in this crazy state. Especially with the crazy laws Jerry Browns been running through...Glad you enjoy it, I am sure it's a major culture shock

[Kaphawoman]

I've been in LA for almost five years; $106k is enough for two people and a four-month-old. You won't be able to buy a house in the Hollywood Hills and drive Cadillacs but you would be able to live a middle-class life.

Your question, however, OP really has nothing to do with CA vs. AL. At its heart your question it is a relationship question. We could give you a laundry list of pros and cons but that wouldn't matter because people value different things. I frankly don't think your boyfriend would buy it if you came to him with a list of California negatives like cost of living, etc. It sounds like he already made up his mind and the amount of money trumps everything else. You need to have a serious, heart-to-heart talk about why you personally don't want to move. Are you working now? How much do you rely on family for support (both physically taking care of your child as well as emotional support to you)? Could you give California a go for a year and then agree to return if you don't like it? Do you have plans to marry? A lot of people in CA are from elsewhere and don't have family here so they are looking to form bonds, esp. parents with children. I think you could find a support group of other moms, but it will take leaving your comfort zone to do so. There might be other women at his new job in CA or male coworkers with wives/girlfriends with kids who you could get to know.

Good luck.

[hothulamaui]

life is an adventure, go and see what you think. the move doesn't have to be permanent. you can hop a plane to see your family and your family can come see you as well. broaden your horizons, there is a lot to life and travel is part of it. so cal has lots to offer, living there for a few years to help out your husbands resume doesn't mean you are stuck there forever. you may surprise yourself and love it!

[KaaBoom]

Originally Posted by sjames66

He just started the job here in alabama. He was in the military for 10 years doing the same thing. The owners of the company he works for flew down here and personally offered him the job. He loves what he does. He says it would be San Diego. We know absolutely no one in California, we both have family here.

I think you should make the move. It sounds like a good opportunity. San Diego is a nice place. I think you will probably like it. Once you both start working in California, you will make lots of friends.

Worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out for you, you just move back.

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Nancy in Nokomis

That's not enough money to live in California - and remember you have to take short showers there - and I am thinking the people there will be very different than where you are now.

That's not true at all. Let me guess you get your information from TV shows.

OP, you should also post on the CA boards, you're not going to get too many comments from actual CA residents, instead you will get comments like the one above.

Many people don't make anything close to six figures and live fine in CA. The salary given is 106K a year, that's plenty to live quite nicely for two adults and a baby.

You're in Nokomis, FL, should I assume you have to watch out for alligators every time you step outside?

[zenjenn]

I lived the first 32 years of my life in Southern California and now live in Alabama - almost 8 years now. I'm also a woman and a mom. Here's what we know:

- you DON'T WANT TO MOVE
- you have family here that is important to you
- you have a 4-month-old son
- he's your boyfriend (not husband)

Unless the man marries you, in my opinion moving should not even be on your radar. You're a new mom, with a support network here, in a much more affordable place to live, and you've made it clear you don't even want to move.

I don't know your boyfriend so I will make no comment on his personal integrity; he may be a fantastic guy, and this is not at all a personal judgement on your martial status; I'm simply being pragmatic. The hard facts are: you're at a very vulnerable time in life and he doesn't even have a legal contract with you. Stay where you and your little one have family support and where you are in familiar territory. If he wants you to move to the other side of the continent away from your family, friends, and familiar environment against your desires, he should at least be married to you.

I'd be happy to give you further SoCal vs. Alabama advice if either one of these two things were true: A) You expressed interest in moving to California OR B) this man was your husband. Or, of course, if this job in California were the only employment opportunity possible to support you & the baby, but that scenario is highly improbable.

But absent that, this is a no-go. And if he's a man serious about creating a family with you, he will completely understand that. And if for whatever reason he's serious about creating a family with you but is not ready to get married, fine, but until he IS ready a committed man will stay where the mother of his new baby is comfortable and not pressure her to move thousands of miles away from home and family.

Just my two cents.

[Kaphawoman]

Originally Posted by zenjenn

I lived the first 32 years of my life in Southern California and now live in Alabama - almost 8 years now. I'm also a woman and a mom. Here's what we know:

- you DON'T WANT TO MOVE
- you have family here that is important to you
- you have a 4-month-old son
- he's your boyfriend (not husband)

Unless the man marries you, in my opinion moving should not even be on your radar. You're a new mom, with a support network here, in a much more affordable place to live, and you've made it clear you don't even want to move.

I don't know your boyfriend so I will make no comment on his personal integrity; he may be a fantastic guy, and this is not at all a personal judgement on your martial status; I'm simply being pragmatic. The hard facts are: you're at a very vulnerable time in life and he doesn't even have a legal contract with you. Stay where you and your little one have family support and where you are in familiar territory. If he wants you to move to the other side of the continent away from your family, friends, and familiar environment against your desires, he should at least be married to you.

I'd be happy to give you further SoCal vs. Alabama advice if either one of these two things were true: A) You expressed interest in moving to California OR B) this man was your husband. Or, of course, if this job in California were the only employment opportunity possible to support you & the baby, but that scenario is highly improbable.

But absent that, this is a no-go. And if he's a man serious about creating a family with you, he will completely understand that. And if for whatever reason he's serious about creating a family with you but is not ready to get married, fine, but until he IS ready a committed man will stay where the mother of his new baby is comfortable and not pressure her to move thousands of miles away from home and family.

Just my two cents.

OP please listen to Zenjenn. She just nailed it.

[bluebeard]

Originally Posted by Kaphawoman

OP please listen to Zenjenn. She just nailed it.

Yeah, I think overall she's made good points. People act as if moving (esp with a 4 month old) is easy and free.
I don't think you have to be married per se, but if he's not considering your POV and you have different ideas about the value of career vs family, you may be seeing the first of conflicts that would occur down the line.

[Educated Yankee]

To me, this is a no-brainer! We have lived in the deep south for nearly 15 years, and I cannot wait to leave. We are in the process of looking at homes in an entirely different part of the country. I would like to be able to offer you a bit-by-bit comparison of California to Alabama, but it just isn't possible!

My recommendation is to give California a try. I have found the people in CA to be open-minded and often a bit quirky. I have found the people in AL to be narrow-minded and racist (really, we deal with these issues on a daily basis -- only one of the reasons we can hardly wait to get out of this area). In California, particularly in a major metropolitan area, you should find significantly better healthcare than you have experienced in Alabama.

Especially if you are a young person, spread your wings and try something new. Best of luck.

[Alien in Alabama]

I can tell you this, I just moved here to Alabama but I have lived about 1/3 of my life in different areas of Cali. Between San Diego, Santa Barbara, Oceanside, Santa Cruz and lastly San Franscisco. California is to me, the most diverse beautiful state I have ever lived in. No where else can you see where the mountains meet the ocean like there. (Ex: Big Sur) The people are just as diverse as the landscape. For me, I am very artistic and crafty but without the leanings of today's granola crunchy folk. You see a lot of that there. People are not generally uptight either. And frankly, we can attribute that to the liberal politics of the state. (But dont be fooled, liberal doesnt equate to much freedom as cali is considered a "police state") If you enjoy the beauty of Alabama you'll definitely enjoy the beayof Cali. As for your family, definitely something to consider. We are on our own here without family and the drawback of that is seen in scenarios when 1) i get a call from the school to pick up my sick kid, God forbid I wasnt reachable because we have no family to pick them up otherwise. 2) no date night with hubby anymore bcuz Ive only ever let family watch them. And just the ability to drop in to see family at our leisure is gone. Nothing can replace that. But that doesnt mean you cant suck it up for a while for a trial run to see how it goes. Either way, no one can make up your mind for you. One last thing....if you let fear dictate your decision you will always be left wondering "what if". Good luck and godspeed if you do go!