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I live in the San Jose, CA and believe it or not, I don't think the San Francisco Bay Area is a great place for gay men...at least not for me. I live an hour's drive from San Francisco...but that's the problem....I don't want to have to drive to San Francisco every weekend. And quite frankly, I tend to not like the gay crowd in San Francisco as I am politically conservative (moderate in most parts of the country, conservative by San Francisco standards). San Francisco gay men are not really all that tolerant. Many go ballistic the minute you say the word "Republican".
San Jose is a pleasantly dull large city. The gay life here is lacking. Many drive to SF every weekend. Many of the rest are engineers and computer programmers who I just don't relate to.
This area is quite yuppie oriented. People spend lots of money on expensive entertainment on a regular basis. I'm not a loser, but I make a modest salary and can't afford that lifestyle. There aren't many people here who think like me. The other extreme is closeted immigrants from the 3rd world who's social lives revolve around their families. There seems to be only upper middle class people here or working class (or working poor) with not much in between.
What is Albuquerque like for gay men? I'm sort of looking for that "happy medium" that doesn't seem to exist...A gay community of decent size where there are a fair amount of sane people who don't need to spend $20 to $50 bucks or more every time they go out on weekends. I know, this is unfortunately a lot to ask.
> How good is ABQ for gay men?
> Any input would be helpful.
Yours was an interesting post, but we've had a couple of lively threads here on this subject that aren't that old. It's better to go into one of them and respond to stuff there.
------------------
Example:
> Gay men cannot eat green chile.
you respond with -
Why the heck not?
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Or a real example:
> ... joining groups and clubs like the Albuquerque Social Club, Prime Timers, and the New Mexico Outdoors club.
Well, that's an awfully broad question to answer well. I don't know if Albuquerque is the "happy medium" you are looking for, but for many us it has been a good place for gays.
If you're looking for the sort of place that has a large selection and variety of gay venues and neighborhoods, then it may disappoint you. I lived in NYC, and escaped for a variety of reasons, and I expected Albuquerque to be a lot quieter.
And it is. At this point there is, I believe, one male gay bar, and, in addition, the Albuquerque Social Club, a private, for pay (minimal) club. There are no gay neighborhoods per se, but there is a clustering of gays in parts of the city including the Nob Hill, University, and Northeast Heights areas.
There is a good sized community of gay people here and it is growing with arrivals from throughout the country. If I could loosely describe the gay community here, it is very relaxed, very casual, very down to earth, qualities that the city of Albuquerque exemplifies very much. It is not relentlessly trendy (and although politically liberal, not as knee jerk) as NY, San Francisco, West Hollywood, Palm Springs, etc.
The community is very social and most people entertain in their homes a lot--dinners, parties, that sort of thing. And there are a good number of other groups and associations including a Gay outdoors club, a bears club, a Prime Timers club, some political clubs, and others which would allow you to join with others of your own interest.
It has been very easy to meet an interesting variety of people here, people are eager to extend friendships and in the bars, people are talkative and approachable, not standoffish.
I have heard it said, though, it is not an easy city for singles, that most of the community is coupled off, so that may be a consideration.
I hope I've answered your question at least in part. If you have any more questions, just let me know and I would be glad to answer them for you.
I live in the San Jose, CA and believe it or not, I don't think the San Francisco Bay Area is a great place for gay men...at least not for me. I live an hour's drive from San Francisco...but that's the problem....I don't want to have to drive to San Francisco every weekend. And quite frankly, I tend to not like the gay crowd in San Francisco as I am politically conservative (moderate in most parts of the country, conservative by San Francisco standards). San Francisco gay men are not really all that tolerant. Many go ballistic the minute you say the word "Republican".
San Jose is a pleasantly dull large city. The gay life here is lacking. Many drive to SF every weekend. Many of the rest are engineers and computer programmers who I just don't relate to.
This area is quite yuppie oriented. People spend lots of money on expensive entertainment on a regular basis. I'm not a loser, but I make a modest salary and can't afford that lifestyle. There aren't many people here who think like me. The other extreme is closeted immigrants from the 3rd world who's social lives revolve around their families. There seems to be only upper middle class people here or working class (or working poor) with not much in between.
What is Albuquerque like for gay men? I'm sort of looking for that "happy medium" that doesn't seem to exist...A gay community of decent size where there are a fair amount of sane people who don't need to spend $20 to $50 bucks or more every time they go out on weekends. I know, this is unfortunately a lot to ask.
Any input would be helpful.
Have you considered Long Beach. It has a large gay population.It doesn't have the same pretense that SF has. I'm not gay, but LB does seem to have a real gay friendly vibe. There is alot of outdoor activities as well.
I think the subject of singles (straight or gay) in Albuquerque is much like job hunting here.
It can seem like there is so much more 'action' in bigger venues like Phoenix, Denver, the Bay Area, etc.
That is because you are seeing participants from very far-flung regions.
For instance, a job might look appealing to you, but the commute might be a whole hour one-way because it is in a different region of the city from where you live. In Albuquerque, there is no place more than a whole hour away.
Dating might have the same problem. If you came 20-30 miles to get to some meeting place and the OP came that far from the opposite direction, do you really want to start a relationship with someone who lives 50 miles away.
It might appear that there are five times as many prospects in those bigger cities, but it's an illusion.
It's all a matter of personal perspective, but I wouldn't be interested in commuting 50 miles one-way for a job or a babe.
Mortimer has made some excellent points. First, before we start with the gay community, lets start with Albuquerque. Albuquerque is a very moderate city (politically). We have a Republican Congresswoman representing our district as well as a conservative city councilor. Our mayer and governor are staunch liberals, while we have a republican and a democrat for our senators. So overall, this state and city tends to be very moderate...which you will probably fit much better in.
Albuquerque for gays tends to be friendly. However, Santa Fe is supposed to very gay friendly...but it will have a much more similar vibe to San Francisco. I think you could be very happy in Albuquerque, because we tend to be very accepting friendly people (comparatively). <Keep in mind this is all coming from a Conservative White Straight Male>
Have you considered Long Beach. It has a large gay population.It doesn't have the same pretense that SF has. I'm not gay, but LB does seem to have a real gay friendly vibe. There is alot of outdoor activities as well.
Thanks for the thought on Long Beach. I have been there and I generally agree with you. However, I don't think the economics of living there would be any better than where I am now (high costs, etc). In general, if I make a major move, I expect it to be out of California, because CA is a poorly governed and disaster prone state. I have lived in the Southwest before and liked it (Tucson, AZ). I've visited ABQ and liked the vibe.
[quote=mortimer;3869877]
Dating might have the same problem. If you came 20-30 miles to get to some meeting place and the OP came that far from the opposite direction, do you really want to start a relationship with someone who lives 50 miles away.
It might appear that there are five times as many prospects in those bigger cities, but it's an illusion.
quote]
Yes, I have had the exact problem you are describing. A lot of people here DO commute one hour to work and they have very high stress jobs (with lots of hours) to boot. They are busy, busy, busy...and I really don't like that about the Bay Area at all. I, myself, don't live that way, but that leaves me the "odd man out" in this area.
And you are also very right....guys from San Francisco do NOT come down to San Jose to meet other guys. There are lots of gay men in SF...so no need to be bothered with someone 50 miles away. So, in many instances, the idea that there is more choice here truly is an illusion.
Thanks for your helpful post. I'll keep everything you said in mind. At this point, no major plans for a move...I'm just in the exploratory stage...but your post definitely helps.
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