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While my personal experience is very different from 415_s2k experience, what he says is common. Luckily my in-laws are not as traditional, especially my mother-in-law. My first time I went to China and met them I did everything wrong, seriously everything. I don't think any other Chinese family would have accepted me, the following story will help explain why they were so accepting.
I can tell you another story, between my in-laws and my mother-in-laws parents. Her parents disowned her daughter for marrying my father-in-law and they never talked the rest of their lives. They didn't attend their funerals, nothing. All contact ended. My wife's dad came from a wealthy family, even though their wealth was stolen by the government. He was forced to move to central China from his home near Shanghai. He lost all contact with his family during this time, years later after he married he did find his mom, but his father and brothers were dead. Anyway, so he had no family to get approval from. But he was branded as a wealthy class person, remember this is the 70's and it was considered shameful to marry him. My wife's moms parents even had an article written in the local newspaper saying what disgrace she brought to their family and how she was no longer a member of their family. They even removed her from their family registry book. I've heard of similar scenarios happen even in the modern day.
I'm just happy our family relationships here in the US are not near as complicated as many Chinese families are.
Don't take the situation of the 1970s as the norm either. It was cultural revolution back then and China is nothing like that now.
About 40 years ago my brother was in love with a beautiful intelligent charming Chinese girl and her parents objected to the relationship and they had to drop it.
I remember my dad being very taken with her ,and hoping for my brother in this relationship.
We all were heart broken, but we had to respect their wishes.
I understood my brothers pain years later, when a girls parents turned me down because of economics.
But in the end people getting married are to leave mother and father behind and become a family unit of their own.
I believe.
It varies family to family. I am not Chinese but Indian-Subcontinent we have the same deal. I watch it happen all the time.
Some families don't blink an eye at inter-race marriage, mostly the family that already had those type of marriage.
Some families hold grudge pre-marriage hoping they can change their kids mind by giving them hard time before marriage because TBH an inter-racial marriage needs to be very strong to survive. Marriage is difficult as is & throw in culture differences and you got triple the struggle. Most parents test the water & make it difficult to ensure their kid is not just going with a fade. Once the kid proves him/herself & win parents over, its smooth sailing. Kinda like the movie "my big fat Greek wedding".
Some families boycott the wedding & hold grudge for first few years because they are convinced the marriage wont' work out. They are waiting for divorce to happen & their daughter/son to run back to them. This is often due to reading crazy statistics of 50% all American marriage end in divorce, they figure why bother. But once a kid comes or marriage survives first few years, the parents forgive
some parents are just crazy and never patch up. But most parents fit in category 2 and 3. The reason girls don't want to hurt their parents is because family is big part of eastern life. The western mindset is, you live your own life and visit your parents sometimes. Eastern world, your family is your life & you live your life sometimes.
As an American, let me observe that a lot of Americans have the exact same mindset.
Mick
No, it is vastly different. Think of it this way...
American arrogance: "learn to speak English."
Chinese arrogance: "Our language is 5,000 years old, foreigners aren't capable of learning Chinese."
American: "American food is the best."
Chinese: "our food is the culmination of 5000 years of genius tradition, foreigners can't understand why it's the best."
No, it is vastly different. Think of it this way...
American arrogance: "learn to speak English."
Chinese arrogance: "Our language is 5,000 years old, foreigners aren't capable of learning Chinese."
American: "American food is the best."
Chinese: "our food is the culmination of 5000 years of genius tradition, foreigners can't understand why it's the best."
Heck, the Chinese are often astonished beyond words when they see that we furriners are able to master the complexity that is eating with two sticks!
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