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My two cents - I think it's very important to respect a guest's beliefs, by not making them feel uncomfortable. But at the same time, I think the host is free to practice their own before-meal ritual, if that's what they normally do.
So here's how my family handled that... when we had a non-Jewish guest for dinner, we'd invite them to say the Hamotzee (don't know how to spell that in English, but it's our prayer before a meal) with us, and then ask them to share a grace/prayer if they wanted. They were certainly free to not join ours, especially since most Gentiles can't speak Hebrew - LOL. But by asking them to share theirs too, it made them feel included & like we were all on equal ground. Ironically, my Atheist brother-in-law now knows the Hamotzee by heart, and sings it louder than us!
When I am with atheist I silently pray no one probably even notices.
There are no Christians in our extended family and we do this too. I'm not out to make a public display, I just want to thank God for my food, so I do it in silence. In fact, I pray to him a lot like this.
In our family we say grace automatically. I think if you are close friends they would not be offended if you told them you were uncomfortable praying. They'll just talk to Him in silence.
As an Atheist with many Christian friends, if they say Grace, I just let them get on with it in a respectful manner and never say Amen as it would be hypocritical. Same in a Church service ( wedding, funeral, Christening) when people pray I just sit and think of other things and do not pretend to pray or say Amen. If they do not know me very well, I would just not say anything until they are finished so as not to disrupt them and then mention it so they know next time.
I have been asked to say Grace many times and have had to be honest and tell people that I am an atheist. They usually take it quite well, though I had a couple of very cold responses before !
I find it quite uncomfortable singing Hymns so usually just remain seated. I have a terrible voice anyway so it's just considerate !
If people want to say Grace at a dinner party in my house I don't have a problem with it as long as I am not expected to participate. If it is that important to them then it's fine by me for them to say Grace at the table.
My partner and I were asked to be Godparents on a few occasions and had to decline. The parents were actually quite happy for us to "pretend" to be Christians ( as they were themselves only "pretend Christians" )and stand in Church lying, mouthing words we had no belief in, but neither of us could stomach the hypocrisy and just said no.
(After everyone is seated at the dining room table
"We noticed when we were at your home that you said grace before starting the meal. We don't actually say grace, however, if you would like to, or feel more comfortable doing so, then please feel free."
???
Mind you, June has never actually been in a situation where she had to utter these words. However, if I found myself in a situation where I was having people over for dinner who I KNEW said grace, and their friendship meant alot to me, I suspect I would extend the above "invitation."
If Jazzed, kawg, Irishmom, ibcwife, Jeff, Blue, (oh dear, I know I am leaving people out here as it is too early for my brain to function properly!) et al, wished to "risk their lives" by actually eating the meals I cook, then I would be inclined to extend the above-referenced invitation.
(Afterall, they'd be risking their lives by eating the food I cook, thus, saying grace would probably be not only a custom for them, but a necessity!)
--And Weather! (Oh! I forgot Weather!) I would let Weather do the "countdown" to saying grace. "Okay everyone, one, two, three: 'Thank you for this meal...."
Wow - so many answers! Thank you all for your thoughts.
As I mentioned in my first post, we were dining out with these people several times before this "incident" and they never seemed to pray, at least we didn't notice. If they had ever spoken about religion, we would have told them that we are atheists. But that topic never came up, and they also have no visible sign of religiousness in their house.
Ilovejazz wrote: "Especially if you have no idea something like that is approaching, sometimes you just don't have time to react the way you want. Someone holds out a hand, and you instinctively grab it and then think "Uh-oh...what did I just do..." And, at that point, it's a little late to withdraw the hand."
This is exactly how we felt. It happened too fast and for us there was no way to deny holding hands. You also have to take into consideration that my husband is Danish and I am German, and although our English is rather good, we are always somehow afraid to miss the correct wording. So we just took the hands, bowed our heads but said nothing, not even Amen. I think they may already have come to the right conclusion.
We'll definitely not try to avoid this topic (good idea, though, to have a buffet ) because it will come up again and again. To us, being friends (even "loose" friends) means being honest. So I think, when we will eventually sit down at the table I'll say that, of course, they are welcome to say grace but we will not participate because that's against our belief. It's not what you say, but how you say it. I'm convinced that I can say it in a way that nobody is offended.
to keep the peace (they will insist on saying grace i am sure!) i would just allow them to say grace and maybe you could just pause or something (dont dig in to the food until they are done). i have very religious inlaws and always ask them if they would like to say grace and just sorta go along with it since it's only for one meal. frankly i dont know how you will be able to continue a relationship with them if there is a conflict in the religion area. it is just too difficult imo and soon they may try to convert you.
frankly i dont know how you will be able to continue a relationship with them if there is a conflict in the religion area. it is just too difficult imo and soon they may try to convert you.
Oh - I don't know. Don't you think they would have at least talked once about religion if it was SO important to them? They didn't mention it with a single word. Maybe this holding hands was just a special way of making us feel welcome? (Am I just naive? ) One thing is for sure: they will never manage to convert us.
I've read so much in this forum over the last days as to understand that there are many Christians who won't force their belief on others. I do hope our "friends" are the same. And if it doesn't work - well, we're only there a month a year (so far), so this would not really break our hearts.
I'll dig out this thread and write a report when *The Lunch* at our place is over.
Thanks, Connie
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June's proposed "script" --
) One thing is for sure: they will never manage to convert us. 
