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While it's true that unto everyone's life, some rain must fall, Atlanta receives much less than some would expect. And that is just fine with me.....
Having originally grown up in "Moscow" (Read: Cleveland/Akron) I can tell you entirely without reservation, this is a snap....all that crap you read and hear about from Hall Mark cards this time of year is rubbish....I grew up where "men were men"...and unfortunately, so were the women.....it got so cold up there we used to call it the "Moscow Effect" where pretty much everyone would scrunch up like Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day and tell everyone how cold it was going to be and for how long.....It's the kind of place where one might want to scratch their recently thawed out fingernails onto a chalk board in some sort of masochistic ritual to beg for God's forgiveness as there must be no other reason for the weather to be that cold other than God's damnation.....
It's easy here although as I continue to age and take on a Tom Bosley'ish appearance, I've started to become more sensitive to the cold here....the good news is that unlike Cleveland/Akron, you WILL see the sunshine and you WILL see your shadow again....not occassionally but, on a daily basis.....The Ground Hog's got nothin' on those folks who endure the wrath of a Cleveland/Akron winter.....eh?
Snow in Atlanta? Sure. But, it's just a dusting.....oddly enough, here's some of the most notable things one will see when it does....never fails to make me smile.....
1) Rush to Home Depot. This somewhat annual ritual is usually fueled by the likes of you-pick-the-newscaster at whatever station you tune to. I call it the "Monica Kauffman" syndrome....no slam on the every-changing fro Monica but, when one watches the wild, in the wild, it's as though the hungry have found food. Hilarious. This is second only to the annual ritual of those gals in Cobb County who actually spy cotillions.
To watch the somewhat annual pilgrimmage to Home Depot when really cold weather (read: 10-30 degrees) "threatens" us for 1-2 days is quite a treat. No flashlight, battery, generator, safety tape, piece of insulation or space heater is spared. It's been known that certain women of larger stature, or, "wide across the beam", will thump any other Kate Moss type with little notice, and sometimes entirely without, for even THINKING of making a move to the ceramic heaters they have "reserved" for their brow-beaten spouse when he arrives with one of the few remaining carts left....IN THE PARKING LOT!!!!.....you go big, rolling pin toting girl.....
It reminds me of holiday sales when everyone has waited as long as they possibly can before they rush the tables festooned with China's latest goods at Wal-Mart. These chicks take no prisoners and God help YOU if you reach for the last big padded bra on sale.....you have been warned....
It's as though we live in a 3rd world and no one really knows when the jitney bus will show up again......
2) The rush to Publix/Kroger....Ingles for the rural folks....this is similar to Homie Depot with the loads being somewhat smaller. There is a smaller improvement in the decorum that restrains the most vile and aggressive individuals a bit longer. Personally, I think it's the lights. It's brighter and tighter in THEIR aisles so, a little less mayhem tends to ensue.....
In this case, no jug of water, milk, loaf of bread, sandwich meat, or PB&J material is spared.
The only thing more pathetic than this is the crowd that must fight their way through Ingles for the even less meager rations.....truly Sad..... Ingles....Everyone's last choice besides Sunit Patel's (<----Hindi for Bob Jones)...convenience store in Blue Ridge. It's where the downtrodden or the most rural...shop...if you can call it that....it's where Publix and Kroger (K Roger) probably pawn their soon to be spoiled goods....I know, I've been there....the melons aren't as ripe, the bread is stiff (like Flo, the checkout lady), and the demeanor of the patrons is similar to those that may be found in South Florida...mean...n' meaner.....
It's the kind of place where you get to "Feel" the 3rd world without really actually having to live there.....it's where all those immigrants you whine about show up at 12......with a smile.....just like Wal-Mart.....se habla....
The kind of place where "Cousin Eddy" is going to show up from his latest National Lampoon movie shoot.
3) Traffic. For once, it's light. One thing we whacky Atlantans love is our free time....deserved or otherwise.....we tend to go in late, go home early because of the "traffic".....poor employers.......nothing says Qwik Trip better than a pending storm, of any kind, threatening our very well being in Atlanta. People f'in FLEE the workforces as fast as their supervisors will allow.
The rush usually is led off by that never-quite-satisfied admin closest to the door. Keep a good eye on this broad. She's your visual cue that it's okay to bolt as she IS your alibi when asked why you left at 3....ish.....the day before....this broad always has a built-in the world be damned, gene, when pushed, elicits the kind of kiss my behind and I don't care who knows it attitude that while offensive, is always always predictable. She's better than the weather forecasts. She always knows when it's time to go home.....amazing....
When pressed for reason(s), simply toss in the kids, flat tires, elderly care or some other hard-to-really challenge nonsense and you are usually okay. In Atlanta, the workers seem to take this to an art form....busy busy busy...just caaaaan't quite get that whole day in.....snow storms, or the looming threat of one, sends them running faster than an Anthrax scare in DC......And while everyone will make you THINK they need to get home, you can usually find them in the traffic jam with I-POD's blaring, cell phones going, and make-up adornin' juuuuuuust after their "necessary" departure.....GRTA represent!
4) The News. While the Natives usually do a pretty good job of tuning these gems out, they are absolutely glued to the latest "developments" of the pending 10mph storm "heading our way". It's right up there with the friend we all have that has at least one TV f'in GLUED to the Weather Channel 24/7. It's usually the guy that's STILL single and in full ownership of ALL of his possessions well into middle-age......lucky bastard...
While it's true that weather can change suddenly I'm just not entirely convinced I have to keep my eye on it THAT closely. Heck, I don't even watch my spouse that close and perhaps with that albatross, I should have ample reason to do so?N o matter, the thought of a single hail ball is enough to send our folks in Atlanta scurrying like cockroaches awash in new light (light switch....ON!). On a brighter note, it's THE opportunity to get a new roof so for that, we are all entirely grateful.....insurance pogues nothwithstanding....ahem.....
5) The morning after. Just like that skank you young bucks might have dragged home from Buckhead/Mid-Town the night before, all things must come to an end. Sure, you might be able to sneak her out the back for her obligatory "walk of shame" to the car but, much like your employer, you are going to have to face her/them sooner or later.
A couple words of advice. Man up. Get her up, get her OUT, and get the f to work!!! While the evenings "social activities" ARE important, none so much sp that you are willing to give up your W-2? Besides, how many women, skanks or otherwise, are willing to hang with YOU without a paycheck? Lose this Bingo and you are going to be arm wrestling for the tatoo'd monster at 3 AM in the pool halls. You will know her by the pack of Marlboro's, 1/2 a head of teeth, and "blonde" hair that hasn't seen peroxide for months....mmmmmmmm........tasty........she's the kind of gal that is usually found in rush hour traffic along the I-285 corridor as cars sail by at 80mph or so, calmly on the side with a Marlboro hanging off her lip as she sternly tells the officer to kiss her a$$ with little or no remorse....nice...
6) Post Mortems. While said "storms" are always shorter than you hope, the post mortems at work last longer than said storm ever could. Your co-workers, always in the hunt for execuses to do anything BUT work, will spend DAYS going over the blow by blow incidents that almost happened to them or ones they heard happened to a neighbor's friend's cousin, once removed.....sure.......These, thick-a$$, round chair surfers will spend more time on what could have been than what you would want them to do.....seems simple but, get two or three of these jokers going and you won't hear them come up for air until lunch......It's worse than enduring Terry Bradshaw on Sunday's. Magic Johson in the winter....just no end in sight....sigh.....
Snow? Yeah. It happens on occassion and it's one of the rare observations in nature that if you are lucky enough, will experience over time. It's really not to be missed. Priceless.
Other than that?
Yeah, the Summer and other two Summer seasons are fine. But, that's a discussion for another day.....ping me in the Spring and I'll toss a few more of these morsels out.....
Stay safe, know the locations of all Homie Depot's and Lowe's stores in ADVANCE!!!... and for God's sake, avoid Ingles and if possible, cousin Eddy!
I read this in the other thread you posted it in. Pretty funny - I have friends and family in the Akron area, one who used to live in the apartment building behind mine in North Fulton. She still wants to come back to GA, because she has this romanticized memory of it being summertime year round, here. My family up there relocated from Denver, so it's just "eh" to them. Not a big deal.
I do have to agree with the other poster who said "cold is cold" wherever you are, though. We're just not equipped to deal with it in the deep south. Believe me, I know cold weather, too, having lived in NJ, and being born in MA! I've been on the other side of the coin! We didn't get snow days as often, I remember riding the school bus with a 12+ inches of snow in the yard, cars were equipped to deal with driving in snow, and trucks were ready to de-ice the roads when we did get slammed. Still, I have a friend who is from Newfoundland who is the first to panic and run out to the grocery store when we have the slightest chance of a flurry. She bundles up when it gets below 70 (and tries to get me to do the same... she has this "maternal" thing going on ).
Our main concern here is not the snow, itself, but the ICE. The snow doesn't stay on the ground, long. Instead, it tends to melt, refreeze, and driving becomes extremely hazardous, with black ice, everywhere. I've fishtailed a few times, and it's been scary. I had a neighbor in Woodstock who died in a car accident, after hitting an ice patch and running off the road into a ditch. Not really anything to laugh about.
OP has pretty much outlined the "snow routine" that is in place everywhere in preparation for each possible "snowmagedon" or "blissaster" that happens. I've lived in New York, Connecticut and Minnesota and the scenario is the same- stay tuned, wipe out the grocery store of every last drop of milk, crumb of bread and hit the video rental store before the first flake falls. Start cookin' the chilli, light up the fire and enjoy.
OP has pretty much outlined the "snow routine" that is in place everywhere in preparation for each possible "snowmagedon" or "blissaster" that happens. I've lived in New York, Connecticut and Minnesota and the scenario is the same- stay tuned, wipe out the grocery store of every last drop of milk, crumb of bread and hit the video rental store before the first flake falls. Start cookin' the chilli, light up the fire and enjoy.
Same story in Florida during hurricane season, minus the chili and fire, of course. Except, it didn't really make sense to buy milk, since the power would most likely go out, and... duh. But water and bread? Check. Flashlights, batteries? Check, check! Video... see statement about power outages. But madness and panic? CHECK!
Home Depot was packed, because we had to board up our windows. Fun times!
I read this in the other thread you posted it in. Pretty funny - I have friends and family in the Akron area, one who used to live in the apartment building behind mine in North Fulton. She still wants to come back to GA, because she has this romanticized memory of it being summertime year round, here. My family up there relocated from Denver, so it's just "eh" to them. Not a big deal.
I do have to agree with the other poster who said "cold is cold" wherever you are, though. We're just not equipped to deal with it in the deep south. Believe me, I know cold weather, too, having lived in NJ, and being born in MA! I've been on the other side of the coin! We didn't get snow days as often, I remember riding the school bus with a 12+ inches of snow in the yard, cars were equipped to deal with driving in snow, and trucks were ready to de-ice the roads when we did get slammed. Still, I have a friend who is from Newfoundland who is the first to panic and run out to the grocery store when we have the slightest chance of a flurry. She bundles up when it gets below 70 (and tries to get me to do the same... she has this "maternal" thing going on ).
Our main concern here is not the snow, itself, but the ICE. The snow doesn't stay on the ground, long. Instead, it tends to melt, refreeze, and driving becomes extremely hazardous, with black ice, everywhere. I've fishtailed a few times, and it's been scary. I had a neighbor in Woodstock who died in a car accident, after hitting an ice patch and running off the road into a ditch. Not really anything to laugh about.
Good point. Believe e, I shiver below 50....yeah, cold is cold...regardless of where one stands....that other comment about the girl who has a romantic memory of Atlanta just probably hasn't been here in January lately....
But, it could be worse. There are a number of us down here who always have tongue in cheek remarks about the winter up there. It's the place where most develop a dark, humorous side to them to endure it. You folks that have lived in these climes know it all too well. The digging out of a car before you can go anywhere....having to let it warm up for 5-10 mins just to get the windows to defrost before you can depart.
We know nothing like that here...sure, we take the 30 second jaunt to our cars and jump in, crank it and within a minute or two, we move on. No shovelling here my friend.....
The comments at Ingles are made in jest. Who knows, someday they may have a feasible chain...one can only hope....no matter, as we joke about here when it's really cold....."it can be worse, you can always be in Akron"....take our worst days and drop it 20 degrees on each end and you have pretty much nailed it...of course you have to drop another 10 or 15 for the wind chill.....it's just not right....
May the winter find you warm no matter where you are and may God's good graces find you safe throughout the Holidays....but please, please, get to the store and buy your things early this holiday season before cousin Eddy shows up!
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Just some fun folks....
