Baltimore women love wife beaters? (2014, assault, money)

[choccity]

Originally Posted by bande1102

He may deserve a second chance, but not living that elitist life, entitled life, and certainly he doesn't deserve to be rewarded with millions of dollars and legions of adoring fans.

I find it incredibly disturbing that Ray and Janay live in a life where physical violence is acceptable. I think their problem (like other domestic violence issues) goes way beyond a punch. I don't think either one of them thinks Rice really did anything wrong. Oh, sure, he's gonna pay lip service, and he's definitely sorry he got caught, but I haven't seen any evidence that he realizes the gravity of what he's done or has any sense of remorse or shame.

I am curious as to when Janay will walk away. What line does he have to cross? Unconsciousness? Already done that. Broken bone? Lost vision? Brain damage?

I had a family member who married the man who beat her and put her in the hospital and I was a witness to it. I had to get physical with him to get him off of her. I think he realized what he had done after seeing how I had to step in and help her. I had scratches and cuts, and was hit too. But, she had a broken eye socket and broken nose. She wouldn't press charges, I had too. Long story short, he had to take 'anger management' classes and whatever. But she married him. I didn't speak to her for a long time afterwards. I saw him twice after that, at a funeral and then when I was visiting with my husband. When I was by myself at the funeral, he was an *******. When I was with my husband he was the perfect gentleman. I don't know if there was anymore abuse after that, I didn't ask and she sure as hell didn't tell me. There is something about women and their abusers that we don't understand. I hope I am never in that situation.

[designer_genes]

Originally Posted by choccity

There is something about women and their abusers that we don't understand.

^ This.

[coolas70degrees]

The thing to keep in mind here, is that Ray Rice has never been in trouble before. By all signs, he is a good guy who gives back to the community and donates his time to charity. So while he should be punished for his mistake, that one night should not define his entire life, past, present, or future.

[mapmd]

Originally Posted by gwillyfromphilly

Feminist will keep this quiet as this goes against their agenda.

The fact of the matter is is there are MILLIONS, if not TENS OF MILLIONS of women out there who simply WANT to be in abusive relationships. Their families warn them, their friends warn them....but they CHOOSE not to listen and to engage in those relationships anyway.

Then when they manage to finally escape from one....they go right into the next abusive relationship.
This isn't 100% the abusive men's fault (and I absolutely do not condone this), because if women didn't sleep with abusive guys...they'd straighten up right quick.

If women actually wanted what they SAY they want then abusive men wouldn't ever get girlfriends, druggies and drug dealers would never laid, and douchebags with spinner rims and sideways caps would be lonely. But the fact of the matter is that women are actually attracted to this crap (and then wonder why they end up in their forties with their life in a shambles).

If you reward bad behavior that's what you'll get.
If you don't reward bad behavior then people will change in order to receive life's rewards.

[james777]

Originally Posted by bande1102

He may deserve a second chance, but not living that elitist life, entitled life, and certainly he doesn't deserve to be rewarded with millions of dollars and legions of adoring fans.

I find it incredibly disturbing that Ray and Janay live in a life where physical violence is acceptable. I think their problem (like other domestic violence issues) goes way beyond a punch. I don't think either one of them thinks Rice really did anything wrong. Oh, sure, he's gonna pay lip service, and he's definitely sorry he got caught, but I haven't seen any evidence that he realizes the gravity of what he's done or has any sense of remorse or shame.

I am curious as to when Janay will walk away. What line does he have to cross? Unconsciousness? Already done that. Broken bone? Lost vision? Brain damage?

You said that you don't think that either one of them thinks Rice really did anything wrong. I agree. So if that is true, not only is she an enabler, but she is also an abuser just like him. Remember, she spit at him, and without a doubt, she would have thrown a punch and knocked him out if only she had the strength. You say that you haven't seen any evidence that he realizes the gravity of what he's done, or has any sense of remorse or shame. How about Janay? Do you think she realizes the gravity of what she has done or has any sense of remorse or shame?

[bande1102]

Originally Posted by james777

You said that you don't think that either one of them thinks Rice really did anything wrong. I agree. So if that is true, not only is she an enabler, but she is also an abuser just like him. Remember, she spit at him, and without a doubt, she would have thrown a punch and knocked him out if only she had the strength. You say that you haven't seen any evidence that he realizes the gravity of what he's done, or has any sense of remorse or shame. How about Janay? Do you think she realizes the gravity of what she has done or has any sense of remorse or shame?

Hmmmmm, the other reports say Ray spat on her. Ray Rice spat in face of fiancee twice before punch, Outside The Lines reports - ESPN

However, that doesn't matter to me. He still shouldn't have punched her. Janay is a victim. Period. She's still in control of her abuser. She's gonna say/do/tweet whatever he wants her to. I think the way he treated her when she was unconscious is indicative of how feels about her: she's property. Less than human. Definitely not someone he's concerned about.

What should she apologize for? Putting her face in front of his fist?

[mapmd]

Originally Posted by bande1102

Janay is a victim. Period. She's still in control of her abuser.

So then how is she a victim?
I agree with some of the previous posts on here that she is just as much an abuser as "the man" in this situation is. She is just as angry, mean-spirited, and nasty (if not moreso).

However, I will argue this. There is no excuse for abuse on either side.

If one finds themselves (male or female) in an abusive relationship with someone else (male or female) then that person (male or female) must leave the relationship. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about this.

If abuse happens once it is the abuser's fault.
If abuse happens a subsequent time it is still the abuser's fault, but the dumb-dumb victim has no excuse for remaining in or placing themselves in that situation again and again.

Example: If I go to Syria tomorrow and get my head chopped off then yes, the guy doing the cutting is a bloodthirsty murderer, but really who's fault is this?

[gwillyfromphilly]

Originally Posted by mapmd

The fact of the matter is is there are MILLIONS, if not TENS OF MILLIONS of women out there who simply WANT to be in abusive relationships. Their families warn them, their friends warn them....but they CHOOSE not to listen and to engage in those relationships anyway.

Then when they manage to finally escape from one....they go right into the next abusive relationship.
This isn't 100% the abusive men's fault (and I absolutely do not condone this), because if women didn't sleep with abusive guys...they'd straighten up right quick.

If women actually wanted what they SAY they want then abusive men wouldn't ever get girlfriends, druggies and drug dealers would never laid, and douchebags with spinner rims and sideways caps would be lonely. But the fact of the matter is that women are actually attracted to this crap (and then wonder why they end up in their forties with their life in a shambles).

If you reward bad behavior that's what you'll get.
If you don't reward bad behavior then people will change in order to receive life's rewards.

+1 for you sir.

[westsideboy]

Originally Posted by mapmd

So then how is she a victim?
I agree with some of the previous posts on here that she is just as much an abuser as "the man" in this situation is. She is just as angry, mean-spirited, and nasty (if not moreso).

However, I will argue this. There is no excuse for abuse on either side.

If one finds themselves (male or female) in an abusive relationship with someone else (male or female) then that person (male or female) must leave the relationship. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about this.

If abuse happens once it is the abuser's fault.
If abuse happens a subsequent time it is still the abuser's fault, but the dumb-dumb victim has no excuse for remaining in or placing themselves in that situation again and again.

Example: If I go to Syria tomorrow and get my head chopped off then yes, the guy doing the cutting is a bloodthirsty murderer, but really who's fault is this?

The murderer is at fault. Going to Syria doesn't mean you deserve to have your head cut off any more than being unable to leave your abuser means you deserve to be assaulted.

The term for what you are doing is "victim blaming." It is normally not allowed in court as it is a red herring that distracts from the facts at issue........the alleged illegal actions of the defendant.

[mapmd]

Originally Posted by westsideboy

The person committing the criminal act is ALWAYS to blame, trying to push guilt on the victim for making some bad decisions doesn't reduce, mitigate, or relieve the culpability of the criminal.

That's what I was getting at.
The criminal is always to blame, but more often than not "victims" stupidly place themselves in situations (or remain in) where there are clearly other alternatives

There is always a safer route to travel, always a smarter action to take, always more you can do to be prepared, etc. Choices in life are best made ahead of time.