And yes, we have been sharing money for like the past 5 months, since I have bills to pay and he only has rent/utilities and a cheap phone bill he buys more of the groceries and things like that.

He has to move a king sized bed from his parents house. I don't have much to pack now that we discussed what all we're taking.

He has his clothes, two TV's which are both huge, ones for gaming and ones for tv watching so now we don't need my tv.

So were taking:

His:
Two tv's
Clothes
golf clubs
pillows
vacuum
playstation
bike
DVD player
king sized mattress his parents gave him(sheets included)

Mine:
Night stand(s)
Two lamps, one floor lamp
King sized bed frame/headboard set up(used to be my mom's, she got rid of her king size bed and got a queen)
Tv stand
mini fridge
hanging closet shelves
clothes
possibly my wood dresser, if not then my plastic stacking ones
all my pillows & two comforters (we don't have a king sized one yet)
some chairs, one papasan and one similar one

And if we have room for a couch my mom is giving us this 3 piece couch, hopefully it fits.

He and I are working on it tomorrow. Hopefully it only takes us the two days I am off to get everything packed up and ready to put in the truck moving day.

Yes, I make more than he does and I have been staying there for the past 5 months, eating the food and using the shower etc etc and I told him to save the $200 because he needs to have his first months rent for his sister saved up and I got my taxes back and it was a lot.
I still have a TON left over because I got my state on the 24th, my federal on the 25th and my paycheck on the 26th, so I have plenty left over.

I don't need an accomplishment with a job or career right now.
My mom hasn't really stunted me in those areas, she socially stunted me mentally and emotionally to the point its been really hard socially on me sometimes.

My greatest accomplishment is being in a relationship with some as long as I have and finally being able to break through some of that mental and emotional stuff that affected me so much and be moving in with a guy because of all the work I put into the relationship and the progress I have made in this area. This right now is a huge accomplishment and I am very happy with this one.

My school and career accomplishment will come in time once I am done with school, until I will work on it as much as I can.

I never said that I still blame her for anything career or school related. I know I need to go to school and start a career.

The things I blame her for are deeper than that and emotional, things that are pretty hardwired into me even today. Like being extra sensitive when it comes to things getting to close to my face, how flinchy and skiddish I can be because of her hitting me in the face all the time.
How whipped and passive I act. I am so used to agreeing with my mom simply to agree with my mom as to not start a fight I do that with everyone, I can never have a conflicting opinion or speak up for myself, which is something TG is trying to get me to work on.

There is a lot more.


And you know what I am actually the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Last night after I warmed up to those shorts and saw how I do look good in them, I must have had the biggest smile on my face because TG pulled in and gave me a kiss and he said something about how happy I looked and how it felt real and genuine and that he loved to see me happy and confident about something.
He breaks me out of this shell I have formed from years of listening to my mom degrade me. I live in this little small world and don't do anything that would get criticism, he helps me break out of that and try things I want to try and stop doing everything to appease my mom.

Just in the past year:
-I have gone from almost 150 down to 125.
-A size 10/12 to a size 4.
-I have started eating healthier.
-I have started an amazing relationship with an amazing man who makes me really happy.
-I am finally moving out of my mom's house and taking the relationship to the next level with that amazing man.
-I have found a job that provides me with enough that I can split rent and things with someone and be fine.
-I get out more and I am 100% more active. We play disc golf, we go to the dog park, we go for walks around town.
My life has done total 360 from sitting at my mom's house with a part time job and never going anywhere.

I still suffer from self-esteem issues because of things she's said to me.
I don't even talk to my mom anymore. I talk to my brother and he spend a lot of time with me and TG but I do not talk to my mom very often at all. She is always negative and always puts me down, she didn't even congratulate me when I told her the big news. I got more response from acquaintances at work than I did her. So I'm not running around putting her down, I don't see her, I don't talk to her and I don't think about her. I go about my life, getting over my issues with my self esteem and building myself as the person I want me to be.

Why? Forgiveness is letting the things in the past go. Those things in the past are why I am the way I am today.

TG helped me pick out some shorts at the mall last night. I have no summer clothes that fit me (all too big) from all the weight loss and Thursday we are packing up my room and I am taking all my old clothes to Platos Closet and getting money for them. Anyways, I am done to a size 4, I am 125, so I am pretty thin now but mentally I am not over it, I see myself in the mirror as pretty skinny but whenever I wear clothes that are things skinny people can pull off I still feel fat when I wear them.

I got a new pair of white denim shorts in a size 4. I thought they were too short because I still have this mind set of nothing looks good on me in my head, (TG is aware of the emotional damage done by my mom) and it took him convincing me to leave the store and then a few hours of him telling me I looked fine and to stop being ridiculous. I was in his room looking in the mirror and he told me "those look really good on you" and I was like "yes I love these shorts, you were right." He asked me what my mom would say about them and I replied with phrases I've heard her say before in my best voice to mimick her and when I stopped he looked at me and was like "are you ok?" and I was like "yeah, she really ****ed me up didn't she".

I obviously am not over it, I am not over the things what were said or done and until I am I can't forgive her. Until I am ok with myself and I get it in my head that I am not who she thinks I am, I am not all the names she's called me I simply can't get over it.

But yes, we've talked about the topic of marriage and I think one day itll be a big possibility.

Well, he's talked about wanting the right woman and awhile back he said he didn't want to be dating for fun, he wanted to be dating seriously and that he wanted to make sure he was with the right person when it came to getting married.

He said to me last year moving in would be something serious and that he wasn't going to do it unless he was absolutely sure he wanted to.

This kind of brought us to a whole new relationship level. Living together is a HUGE step and I do have to admit, there are a few butterflies in my stomach.....luckily they haven't started mating yet and I am still more excited than nervous.

I know he is looking to settle down and getting married within the next few years and I really hope we both stay on the same page with each other.

He still worries about me being messy because I basically live out of my car and a back pack but llast night I paid $200 to the troll for rent (I just got my tax return and told him to save some of his check for the move instead) and he was like its not that bad its like you've been living here for 4 months anyways. And he worries about me saving money too.

But since I already stuck a lot of my check and tax refund into savings he's seen that I CAN do it.
And once we move in and everything will have a place to go he'll see that I can be neat and clean and I always plan on having laundry clean and everything picked up and nice and neat.

It's going to be a lot of fun.
And finally I can come home after a long day at work and not have to wait for his roommate to go to bed. I can just come in go to our area and finally be able to try and get some decent sleep.

Well I was just curious. It wouldn't shock me it makes sense with my mental image of you.

Anyways. No, I don't want to forgive her. I will forget, put it out of my mind but I refuse to forgive, I can't forgive someone while they still are doing the same things that hurt me in the past.

Like I said its a nice set up and hopefully this just brings him and I even closer together and one day we get married.

Wait, so you're trying to show me the path to hippiness??
Sorry I got like 4 hours of sleep, I can't comprehend much right now?
Does that mean you are a hippie if you're trying to show me the way?