Stage IV colon cancer (pain, chemotherapy, treatment, tumors) - Prevention, detection, treatment - City-Data Forum

SandyCo · 05-22-2011, 10:55 PM

I work in the financial services industry, and one of our clients was diagnosed with this a little over a year ago. She had surgery and chemo, but I just talked to her last week. She isn't doing so well; she has been in the hospital for a month due to more surgery and some complications. I feel so bad for her; we're the same age (47), and there's no history of cancer in her family.

Given this situation, what can I do to help her, if anything? I can't say that we're really close, as in "friends", but I do care about her and I've known her for several years. I sent her a personal "get well" card when she was first diagnosed, but that's it.

SandyCo · 05-24-2011, 06:59 AM

Twenty-five people have looked at my post and not responded, so I guess there's nothing more I can (or should) do. Thanks to those who did read it. I appreciate that, and I feel a little better now!

Ohiogirl81 · 05-24-2011, 07:17 AM

Call her, or visit. Ask her if you can bring her a book, or a blanket, a treat, or a stuffed animal. Ask her if you can cut her lawn, clean her house, or do her banking. Find out when she'll be released, and what she'll need when she gets home.

Whatever you do, don't say "Let me know if there's anything I can do." That has got to be the most useless sentence in the English language. Because it's likely she won't let you know; she'll just do it herself, or do without.

CA4Now · 05-28-2011, 10:51 AM

A friend of mine is in the final stages of ovarian cancer. She doesn't really like people stopping by without calling so I have to respect that. I've dropped off flowers, some homemade dishes she liked, a book. I agree that it's a helpless feeling. Just keep trying to stay in touch; I'm sure it will mean a lot to her just to know that you care about her.

nomoresnow · 05-28-2011, 10:56 AM

I'd give her a call, see if she's up to a visit. If so, go see her...talk about happy, fun things if possible. It's not easy, but it helps. Sometimes cancer patients can only tolerate certain foods, maybe you could ask her what she likes eating or is craving and you could bring it to her. However, food may not appeal to her at all.

Just let her know you care. There are some good suggestions here. It's very nice of you to think of her. Best of luck to you both.

Countrysue · 05-28-2011, 01:26 PM

Call . . . some days we just don't feel like having visitors.
Drop off books . . .
Offer to pick up groceries . . .
Ask to cut my grass . . . .
Offer to walk my dog . . . .
Offer to take me out for a ride . . . .
Offer to take me out to a gas station to gas up my car . . .

Give me a hug when you see me, with no hair I don't feel attractive.

Please don't be afraid of catching my cancer. Please don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Please don't forget about me. Cancer is long term. Many people stopped calling after the first month. A friendship card every now and then with gossip (even trivia) helps.

marklee99 · 05-31-2011, 05:26 AM

Stage 4 generally means the primary cancer has spread to distant areas of the body. Stage 4 is the least curable stage of cancer. Never give up hope.
Although a cancer may not be totally cured, it can be held back by chemotherapy, surgery, radiation therapy-depending on the exact type of cancer and where tumors are. Ask your friend to consult with her physician and cancer specialist-oncologist.
As the adrenal gland is an endocrine gland-she may also wish to consult with an endocrinologist-but first have here see her cancer specialist-oncologist for such a referral.

chele123 · 05-31-2011, 11:17 AM

I'm stage IV and I've thought a lot about your question. It's hard to answer, really. You've indicated she is not a close friend, which makes it even harder to answer your question. How involved do you really want to be? If you want to remain on the acquaintance level send cards to let her know you are thinking about her. If you want to advance the relationship a bit give her a call, ask how she is doing. Is she well enough to have company? Does she still have an appetite? Maybe offer to bring her lunch and visit for a bit. There are a lot of things you could do, but don't offer more than you are comfortable with.

One of the harder things about treatment can be finding drivers. We aren't always allowed to drive, depending on the chemo regime. If you have the time to be available, offer to drive her to treatment.

marklee99 · 05-31-2011, 11:21 PM

I am sorry your friend is going through this awful disease.The first thing I would like to tell you is that 1 years with Stage 4 colon cancer is a long time.
If he is unable to eat anything at all then he is likely to survive for only a few days. Colon cancer pain can be difficult to control particularly when there is a bowel obstruction. There are medications and interventions that the hospice team will use to mitigate the pain that may be more effective than what has been done up until now. Comfort will be the hospice team's main goal.

danielpearl · 02-16-2013, 07:58 AM

Sorry about your friend that she's going through all this stuff! May she get well soon. as a colleague you should give her visits off and on or atleast once in a week, or give her a call if you cant snatch time to make a visit, she'd definitely be happy. also you can give away some home cooked meal that help her to recover the side effects of chemo and her energy. fruits, juices and healthy but light meals would be best.