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long story short, my mom had breast cancer stage 2b, and it was extremely close to 3.
a relative, who I will not get into full details, has inflicted so much hurt and pain to my family, yelled at me, and caused so many family problems, and if not for my mom, that person will not be where they are today, my mom did that relative a huge favor, made their living standards much better, but never got any respect for it, and even denied it after that person got what they want. when that person was needing the favor, that person treated my mom good, once that person got what it want, the person became its real self, and its hurtful (lets just say money has a huge factor into it). some of the things that person said is really F'ed up, and its beyond forgivable.
anyways, when my mom got the cancer, that relative who inflicted so much hurt to me, called me and forced me to call the doctor who is going to operate on my mom, and told me to tell the doctor to see if he can do the surgery earlier. so, i called the doctor, and the surgery date was pushed 4 or 5 days earlier (i forgot). that was 2 years ago, and right now my mom is done with chemo after over a year of it, and its been a little over 9 months since her port-a-cath was removed.
I know cancer spreads like crazy, and those 4-5 days earlier that my mom was operated on, might have saved her life, or saved me tons of tears that i would never want to imagine.
PLEASE use your heart to answer my question, and dont be here to flame me, or use politics. I know many folks here wished their loved ones are still here, and if someone like my relative gave them the same advice and that loved one is still here, they would probably be so happy.
I was going to call that relative, but family problems is really hard to explain. I will thank that person but the forgiving part and the past still haunts me. I want to say thanks and forgive, but the forgiving part is really hard. but rest assured, I will thank that person no matter what. my mom is 56, no grandkids. im the only son, and she now can see her future grandkids, thats why i will say thanks. cheers.
No one has a crystal ball but there's no way of knowing if operating 4-5 days sooner made any difference whatsoever. Cancer can spread fast, but at least with the vast majority of breast cancers, 4-5 days is not likely to make any significant difference. So while I understand how relieved you are that your mother is doing well, don't give your cousin all of the credit for it.
Having said all that, if you feel in your heart that you want to call this relative and thank them for caring about your mother, and encouraging you to get the surgery scheduled sooner, do it! Do it for yourself, it will feel good just to express your joy in your mother's recovery. Doing this does not mean you have to also forgive and forget things that the relative did. My advice would to not even bring up the past issues. It's water under the bridge. It sounds like you have much to be joyous for right now.
Take a little credit for yourself and what you did. The relative didn't force you to do anything (i.e. make the call to push surgery back). You did that. You could have not done it too, it was your decision. The relative suggested something and you decided it was right and ran with it, he/she didn't make you do anything.
It sounds to me like you are feeling emotional and vulnerable and want to connect with family even if they've done hurtful things in the past...guess what, that's OK. You're feelings are never wrong. Ever listen to Mr. Rogers? I have (I'm not weird, I have a 5 yr old), in one of his songs he says "the very same people who are good sometimes are the very people who are bad sometimes, it's funny but it's true. It's the same isn't it for me, isn't it for you?" That's not to say this person should be absolved but jsut that all people to good and bad things in their lives. We are not all bad or all good. It's your decision whether to forgive someone or not, or just be thankful that someone you don't want to forgive did something that was helpful. You're feelings of thankfulness won't necessarily be betraying your mother. A person who did bad things has done somethig good, don't feel bad about being appreciative.
I am male, 39yrs old and all experiences are different but I understand some of what you are going through. I've been there in a slightly different way, sending good wishes to your mom. Best of luck bro.
I know cancer spreads like crazy, and those 4-5 days earlier that my mom was operated on, might have saved her life, or saved me tons of tears that i would never want to imagine.
Moving up the surgery might have saved you from a few more days of pre-surgery stress, but in probably did not affect the final outcome. There are dozens of ways the days leading up to surgery can be delayed or accelerated, and in the end, a single 4-5 day increment most likely does not matter. [Things such as waiting for initial consultation appointment, waiting for mamo, waiting for radiologist's report, waiting for pathology appointment, waiting for pathologist's report, waiting for follow up appointments, surgeon's schedule, operating room schedule, holidays, weekends, conflicting treatment plan opinions, etc etc etc.]
It is great to hear of your mom's success treatment!
Moving up the surgery might have saved you from a few more days of pre-surgery stress, but in probably did not affect the final outcome. There are dozens of ways the days leading up to surgery can be delayed or accelerated, and in the end, a single 4-5 day increment most likely does not matter. [Things such as waiting for initial consultation appointment, waiting for mamo, waiting for radiologist's report, waiting for pathology appointment, waiting for pathologist's report, waiting for follow up appointments, surgeon's schedule, operating room schedule, holidays, weekends, conflicting treatment plan opinions, etc etc etc.]
It is great to hear of your mom's success treatment!
is breast cancer the only cancer that doesnt spread as quick? i thought cancer in general spreads really fast and is deadly.
no. There are different types of breast cancer. Some spread quickly some don't. Ditto for cancer generally. Some can even be cured if diagnosed soon enough. Regardless of the naysayers, great progress has been made in diagnosing and treating cancer.
As for your family situation, you ask that we reply from the heart so I will. Your mother has helped this relative a lot; she has her reasons wether you know them or not. Out of respect for her, forget your animosity. Not saying be friends-but at least be respectful.
is breast cancer the only cancer that doesnt spread as quick? i thought cancer in general spreads really fast and is deadly.
So when you said those 4 or 5 days may have saved your mom's life, I thought you were just being dramatic but I guess not. You should learn about what cancer is, for your own as well as your mother's benefit. Just a suggestion, not meant to sound harsh so don't be defensive. You are likely a lot you ger than I thought you were but no matter, you can still educate yourself. Best of luck.
So when you said those 4 or 5 days may have saved your mom's life, I thought you were just being dramatic but I guess not. You should learn about what cancer is, for your own as well as your mother's benefit. Just a suggestion, not meant to sound harsh so don't be defensive. You are likely a lot you ger than I thought you were but no matter, you can still educate yourself. Best of luck.
Gentle but solid advice. Because with knowledge, you can weather the doctor's appointments and treatment discussions better. There are many great sites with scientific information, as well as websites that deal with specific cancers (or forums within the site about specific cancer). Just beware of "Dr. Google", or websites that have wacky advice about cancer cures (standing on your head while eating raisins, or whatever).
So when you said those 4 or 5 days may have saved your mom's life, I thought you were just being dramatic but I guess not. You should learn about what cancer is, for your own as well as your mother's benefit. Just a suggestion, not meant to sound harsh so don't be defensive. You are likely a lot you ger than I thought you were but no matter, you can still educate yourself. Best of luck.
well that relative that created so much problems, that person experienced a loved one that died of cancer, and time was the major cause of it, as there was not enough time, and it just spread so fast that it was painful to watch. so, i know that person at least had some heart to tell me to call to make the surgery earlier. that person went through tons of tears so i understand.
and i did try to educate myself, but i did go online and just quit because info was all over the place, some were 10 years old and i dont know what sources were correct. all i knew was to trust the doctor, and thats a final decision, the doctor did say that it was a 70% chance or so of surviving after the 10 year mark.
well that relative that created so much problems, that person experienced a loved one that died of cancer, and time was the major cause of it, as there was not enough time, and it just spread so fast that it was painful to watch. so, i know that person at least had some heart to tell me to call to make the surgery earlier. that person went through tons of tears so i understand.
and i did try to educate myself, but i did go online and just quit because info was all over the place, some were 10 years old and i dont know what sources were correct. all i knew was to trust the doctor, and thats a final decision, the doctor did say that it was a 70% chance or so of surviving after the 10 year mark.
Great, so be thankful to the person for trying to help.
In terms of education you can put more trust in academic material rather than goofballs on the Internet. The local public library has many books, journals, scientific articles, etc. those are good sources. Many area hospitals have their own libraries. Academic medical centers, especially those specializing in cancer care have patient service offices that can provide a wealth of credible information. There is no shortage of great institutions that provide good information. Even on line you can go to trusted sources (Dana Farber, Memorial Sloan Kettering, etc.). They all have basic info and ample links to more detailed info. And the latest research findings and treatment methods.
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