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Secondly, perhaps you do need to go to the hospital/doctor's appointments and bring your damn lawyer.
Yes. You can probably see why I'm so insistent on being involved. I feel like the whole thing may just spiral into dysfunctional insanity if I am not standing there demanding concise explanations and solutions. It's really alarming.
And get this - she is actually in the care of a hospital system that is award winning and has a sterling reputation. WHAT?????
OP - make sure your Dad (or someone) is with your mother at medication time - to ensure she actually takes it rather than flushing it down the toilet or hiding it in a potted plant! No need to be forceful, just quietly keep an eye on her to make sure she actually takes it (and swallows it). If she says "Leave it there, I'll take it in a while", just say along the lines of "that's okay, I'll take it back to the kitchen (or wherever)... just let me know when you're ready and I'll bring it back".
OP - make sure your Dad (or someone) is with your mother at medication time - to ensure she actually takes it rather than flushing it down the toilet or hiding it in a potted plant! No need to be forceful, just quietly keep an eye on her to make sure she actually takes it (and swallows it). If she says "Leave it there, I'll take it in a while", just say along the lines of "that's okay, I'll take it back to the kitchen (or wherever)... just let me know when you're ready and I'll bring it back".
Good point, especially if she finds out that the medicine may help with weight gain.
Kathryn, I think you are doing the right thing by going to the appointments with her. You are her advocate and need to be aware of everything going on with her.
When my mom broke her hip, she went to rehab for two months. (She is back home now and doing well.) She lost 10 pounds over the two months. In my opinion that was because frankly, the food this facility served was not what I'd consider edible. I was there many days when they brought her lunch and I couldn't believe it. They seemed to have no idea of what type foods an older person in such a facility would need to eat. It was actually very alarming.
Mom loves strawberry milkshakes, so different family members would bring her one. That made her so happy! One day when I got there and she was crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she just said she hated the food and hated being there and wanted to come home. So a lot has to do with the facility. She was absolutely beaming the day my sister and brother-in-law brought her home. I'd never seen her quite so happy.
The broken hip was the elephant in the living room. It was the immediate concern and that's what they worked on. The problem is the elderly frequently have multiple issues and concentrating on one of them leaves room for something else to go pear shaped. And if the individual has mental as well as physical issues it's almost always double trouble.
If your mom had to fall and break a hip, she actually did herself a favor doing it at a low weight. There is nothing worse than getting a heavy patient with a broken hip. You just know they are not going to be able to recover well because of their weight. Now you can work on gaining weight, recovery, and strength. And she will gain weight and be more hungry if you work on maintaining and increasing muscle mass. Google chair exercises. It is amazing how much you can do in a chair using a book, or a can of vegetables as a weight. I said chair exercises to start because she can do these alone with no risk of falling.
Glad to hear the doc gave her the straight skinny!
That's what we're hoping for. She is VERY unhappy and angry about having to go to rehab - she wants to go directly home and is nearly combative about it, so there's that. She has no choice in the matter and she knows it and she's furious.
Anyway, when we get her to rehab, hopefully early next week, we will IMMEDIATELY schedule a meeting with her care team and lay all of her issues out on the table.
It is horrific to watch someone disintegrate at the end of their lives. And there really is nothing anyone can do about it. The therapies and plans and drugs are well-meaning but usually ineffective. They don't change and they don't care at that age and in severely diminished condition and capability and it's simply waiting for the mercy of death for those around them. That is why as a society we have to get our heads around assisted suicide. Once the illnesses and reality decree a permanent and variable-level misery as the sentence for the rest of your life, it is time to check out.
We take better care of our pets. Once you reach 75 or so, or sooner if you are terminally ill, you should be able to acquire a sedative that ends your life that you can take whenever the disintegration of your faculties prevents a productive and happy existence.
I plan to acquire this cocktail with or without society's blessing or approval when my time comes. My life is mine to live, and mine to end.
The broken hip was the elephant in the living room. It was the immediate concern and that's what they worked on. The problem is the elderly frequently have multiple issues and concentrating on one of them leaves room for something else to go pear shaped. And if the individual has mental as well as physical issues it's almost always double trouble.
If your mom had to fall and break a hip, she actually did herself a favor doing it at a low weight. There is nothing worse than getting a heavy patient with a broken hip. You just know they are not going to be able to recover well because of their weight. Now you can work on gaining weight, recovery, and strength. And she will gain weight and be more hungry if you work on maintaining and increasing muscle mass. Google chair exercises. It is amazing how much you can do in a chair using a book, or a can of vegetables as a weight. I said chair exercises to start because she can do these alone with no risk of falling.
Glad to hear the doc gave her the straight skinny!
Yes, and thank you for the heads' up about the chair exercises. She is very unsteady on her feet.
I felt like all they were concentrating on was the broken hip because she was already under care for her psychiatric issues. They definitely did not have a holistic or "whole body" approach and I personally felt that was sorely lacking. I'm thinking about complaining about this but just not sure how to do it.
It is horrific to watch someone disintegrate at the end of their lives. And there really is nothing anyone can do about it. The therapies and plans and drugs are well-meaning but usually ineffective. They don't change and they don't care at that age and in severely diminished condition and capability and it's simply waiting for the mercy of death for those around them. That is why as a society we have to get our heads around assisted suicide. Once the illnesses and reality decree a permanent and variable-level misery as the sentence for the rest of your life, it is time to check out.
We take better care of our pets. Once you reach 75 or so, or sooner if you are terminally ill, you should be able to acquire a sedative that ends your life that you can take whenever the disintegration of your faculties prevents a productive and happy existence.
I plan to acquire this cocktail with or without society's blessing or approval when my time comes. My life is mine to live, and mine to end.
I agree with the bolded part.
However, I can assure you that my mother is not at a point where she would want this. In fact, she would be horrified at the very suggestion. My mom has great stamina - unusual stamina in fact, and I think a lot of that stems from her bipolar disorder. She is chock full of restless energy and curiosity and even as sick as she is right now, she is very enthusiastic about a lot of things and full of conversation about her yard, the grandkids and great grandkids, etc.
Also, there are moral issues regarding allowing assisted suicide for someone who is mentally ill in my opinion.
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