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Last year we found out that my MIL was in serious financial trouble. She was maxed out on all credit cards, only had about $50 after paying bills every month, was about to lose her house, and was being run ragged by my brother in laws.
We offered to move her to our property set her up a small in law cottage and get her a new car since hers was falling apart. We told her that it was her decision, but that it was what we could offer to help her out. She debated and went back and forth on coming or not coming for a year, so we told her that we weren't going to make any move to set up until she got here. Finally she decided that she was coming last November, but wasn't going to move here until June to give her time to get sorted and packed. We booked the trucking company, and hired movers to load and unload.
We could only take off 3 days to get the move done, and arrived to find that nothing had been packed. MIL is a hoarder, you couldn't even get into most rooms and there were paths to get into the kitchen and bedroom. Needless to say it was a shock to us that nothing had been done, and a shock to her when we wen't through like a whirl wind and managed to somewhat pack what would be going in a day before the movers got there. She wasn't happy that she couldn't bring everything and made very irrational choices in what she was bringing (a dozen small tables, enough junk store "art" to wall paper a house, and too many boxes of knick nacks).
We were informed that she had a bed bug infestation while we were packing so no upholstered furniture came with us, and we had the whole truck unloaded directly into a stand alone storage until so that our house and others storage units wouldn't be infested. we go to the unit twice a week and pull items to be heat treated for bugs before they can be moved into the house. This is taking far longer and is far more expensive than we first planned, which means less money to get her cottage built immediately.
She is so depressed over having to leave her stuff, and having to stay in the guest room longer than planned and I don't know what to do about it. She doesn't seem to understand that we aren't rich and we are trying to do everything in cash so that we don't go into debt. She is still saying that she might just go back to TN, which makes us want to hold off building even more. We have already installed the septic system, and ordered a lease car for her, but have put a hold on moving forward on construction until she decides what she is going to do.
She is refusing to go see a therapist, which we feel that she really needs. We can't discuss issues with her without her exclaiming "whatever" and storming out of the room. Everything I do is not done the "proper way" my house is not what she wants (too modern, not enough florals), my cooking is horrible, my dogs are dirty, where we live is too isolated, there are no churches around despite there being 10 within a 5 minute radius of out house. I'm at my wits end and tired of walking on eggshells in my own home.
Move her out of your house as quickly as possible. Actually, off your property would be even better but I'm not sure you can do that at this point.
BOUN-DA-RIES.
Trust me, I'm kicking myself for agreeing to this already.
The problem is that it's going to cost about $20k to get the cottage built and we are not going into debt for this so it has to be done a bit at a time. Since she won't make a firm decision about staying we don't want to put any more money into it.
I've been reading your thread. I wish we had the option of a apartment for her, but with her financial situation she couldn't afford it, and we certainly can't afford to fund it.
This is your husband's mom? So sorry, sounds awful. I watch those hoarder shows so I'm not surprised she is taking this bad. Is her house for sale? Does she have enough money for her own apartment (next to a church she likes) that she can load up? I don't think I'd do the construction either at this point. How old is she?
This is your husband's mom? So sorry, sounds awful. I watch those hoarder shows so I'm not surprised she is taking this bad. Is her house for sale? Does she have enough money for her own apartment (next to a church she likes) that she can load up? I don't think I'd do the construction either at this point. How old is she?
Yes, my spouses mom. She sold her house as-is to an old friend in the flipping business. Unfortunately due to the condition, and the fact that she remortgaged, after all was said and done she only made $5k on the sale. It was in pretty bad shape, infested with bed bugs, and probably required a couple of dumpsters to empty so I think she made out pretty well on the deal. She can't afford an apartment on SS alone and at 86 a job isn't an option.
The hoarding thing I can't wrap my head around at all. I don't have emotional attachments to any objects really, so it's completely foreign. I regularly purge things that I don't use or don't need. I hate to have boxes of stuff just sitting around. It was a total shock to walk into a house that we thought would be ready to load up and find that nothing was packed after 6 months of being told that she was packing and sorting.
Does she have any serious health issues? If not, I would do something else.
No, but her finances won't allow for anything else, SS only. We can't just dump her off and hope all will be well, and we can't afford to fund a separate residence for the rest of her life.
Trust me, I'm kicking myself for agreeing to this already.
The problem is that it's going to cost about $20k to get the cottage built and we are not going into debt for this so it has to be done a bit at a time. Since she won't make a firm decision about staying we don't want to put any more money into it.
I've been reading your thread. I wish we had the option of a apartment for her, but with her financial situation she couldn't afford it, and we certainly can't afford to fund it.
My BIL and SIL had a similar situation with their mom and they were able to find her a place that accepts Medicaid. They had to put her on a waiting list and had to move her into their home - and deplete her meager money - but the wait was worth it. It's a very nice facility and she has her own apartment and it's very, very affordable for her. Have you looked around for such a place? My gosh, it seems like it's as nicea s my mom's place.
My BIL and SIL had a similar situation with their mom and they were able to find her a place that accepts Medicaid. They had to put her on a waiting list and had to move her into their home - and deplete her meager money - but the wait was worth it. It's a very nice facility and she has her own apartment and it's very, very affordable for her. Have you looked around for such a place? My gosh, it seems like it's as nicea s my mom's place.
I looked at a couple near me, but they were well over what we could afford. I'll check to see if any accept medicaid, but I'm not sure that she would go for it. She hates "those places" with a passion and thinks of them as a place to warehouse old people until they die.
short term idea here >>>>> SMALL USED 1bed 1 bath mobile home .. nothing fancy and nothing byond your means .. if you got septic in place this is do able .. yeh a sort of Tiny house but all one level. get it on tiedowns and store the wheels cover the underside and you have very affordable housing .. at her age she isn't gonna be in that for long .. .. you can always sell it when she is no longer needing it
She is 86 you say? she doesn't know what she wants but as an elder in this kinda mess theres things you can get for her. and have done .. first off meals on wheels .. and a aid for her.. .. they work for you but they help her .. couple of hours a day.. she doesn't want to go into any sort of ALF because she is scared and and knows her hoarding will not be allowed to get out of hand.
get her to the dr for medical exam and on a program for senior wellness care .. do all the other normal stuff and if she is as you say on a very small ss check she will get way more help than you can imanage ... and I say that from my own personal experiences ..
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