Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My mother, age 82, who lives with boyfriend in Florida (my siblings and I live out of state) is starting to have some serious memory issues. They don’t get along very well so we wondering at what point do we help her pull the plug and have her come live with us. Boyfriend has also been looking at naked girls on the computer and is thinking of selling his condo in Colorado. My mother also has a couple million in assets and he only has the small condo. While I don’t think he is dishonest, people do start to feel entitled especially if they are in a caretaker role. Any advice? Any particular professional we should be talking to? Thanks!
Per FLorida laws: Cohabitation doesn't entitle you to any particular split or partition of property or assets.
With that said, Many here would caution you on the "moving parent" to your area. Todays mindset is to facilitate a neutral homestead for them- Assisted Living or Residential aide to attended to the senior citizen.
I would first though suggest- Getting a time set aside to visit and access for yourself her safety and wellbeing. Confer with her medical team. Then go from there. Its ultimately ( or should be anyways) Her decision on what avenue to take moving forward in her lifestyle care. Be a supportive family member - work with the grain, not against it.
Do you have POA of your Mom? As someone else said I would talk to her doctors before making any decisions. Go visit with your Mom and access her situation.
As I said you need to get POA of your Mom before making any legal and medical decisions. That's what I did with my Mom when I noticed her memory going (she has alzheimer's/dementia). My Mom lived in another state and I made trips to visit with her doctors who confirmed my suspicions. Then I saw an elderly care attorney which was when I received POA of my Mom. I sold her house because my Mom couldn't afford it anymore, moved her in with me so I can take care of her. That was 5 years ago and I don't regret one minute of it.
That said if your Mom wants to keep living the way she is then don't fight her unless her doctors tell you that it's time for her to get help.
I agree. You need more info. Spend some time with her and accompany her to a doctor’s appointment. Things you need to find out: is she reliably taking her meds, is she paying her bills, is she paying her taxes, how is her driving, is she living in chaos or squalor, is she eating regularly and well?
And yes, BF’s access to her finances should be checked.
Do not expect your mom to “plateau.” If she has dementia and/or physical problems, she will only get worse. And, you will never win an argument with a demented person. Do not expect her to take ownership of any difficulty or problem, if she has dementia. She will not be able to. She can only react to certain things, but never with logic. With “serious memory issues,” she will require assistance. And giving her assistance will be harder than you imagine.
Someone needs financial and healthcare POA. Get this ASAP, before she is unable to consent. Prioritize this.
Get moving on this. If she is willing to leave the BF, the sooner the better. She needs to be in a place where family can watch out for her. She's not going to be getting better and needs to give someone POA. Hopefully she has a good relationship with her children, and hopefully the siblings will not try to cut each other out of any inheritance. Memory care is very expensive, but better than leaving her where she is in the hopes the BF will take care of everything. Good luck.
Do you mean the bf is going to sell his condo in Colorado and expect to live permanently with your mother? That is a big red flag.
I agree with everyone saying to get all legal papers lined up - will, medical POA, durable financial POA, etc. You will need to discuss with your siblings who will be named as it gives them great power and control.
My relative was slipped documents to sign by her “beau” (in the hospital, no less), which were medical and financial POAs naming him and his daughter. Her children just found out by accident through an observant nurse. Never underestimate the possibility of fraud.
Once you are medically in the loop, you can make appropriate plans with her doctors’ input on her situation. Never easy but you probably need to attend to this business swiftly for her protection and well-being.
You might want to pull the plug before he figures out some way of diverting mom's funds to himself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist
Get moving on this. If she is willing to leave the BF, the sooner the better. She needs to be in a place where family can watch out for her. She's not going to be getting better and needs to give someone POA. Hopefully she has a good relationship with her children, and hopefully the siblings will not try to cut each other out of any inheritance. Memory care is very expensive, but better than leaving her where she is in the hopes the BF will take care of everything. Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock4
Do you mean the bf is going to sell his condo in Colorado and expect to live permanently with your mother? That is a big red flag.
I agree with everyone saying to get all legal papers lined up - will, medical POA, durable financial POA, etc. You will need to discuss with your siblings who will be named as it gives them great power and control...
I agree w/ everyone above as well to move ASAP. I hope your mom is still in her good, mental mind. If your mom has all that kind of money in assets, I surely wouldn't trust him at all. This is the kind of thing a many of people have killed people over...even much less than that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
