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I've already written too much about myself and my family at City-Data. My elderly sister was diagnosed with dementia before she turned 58yo, as that's when I found out about it, after a Baker Act intervention. Her life has been a train wreck for many years but she's happy and wants no one interfering in her life/business. Yes, she also drives without a driver's license - has never had a driver's license for that matter.
I've been struggling in recent years to complete the smallest tasks - physical and mental issues are the limiting factors. I haven't been officially diagnosed with dementia to my knowledge, I can't help but feel there are pressing issues closing in. I live alone, retired with adequate income. Physical mobility is an issue, housecleaning isn't what it used to be. I'm still able to handle my financial affairs properly, along with necessary correspondence as needed.
Have been working at 'downsizing' in recent years - making some progress. The less I say about many(most) of my neighbors the better. Law Enforcement advised me to move but it's not a legitimate, cost effective option. Current home is paid for and in good condition.
My sister? She's asked my daughter indirectly through me) to handle her affairs once the 'big event' takes place (she has no children). My daughter wants nothing to do with her aunt's situation as she knows what a 'complete mess' it is. Once my sister passes, both my daughter and myself will drive to Florida and attempt to sort everything out.
Florida DCF and every state/local agency for the Elderly have been useless to date.
My mother drove for several years with dementia. It’s not ideal but as long as you don’t break the routine, driving around town to the same half dozen places is OK. I had placed a GPS tracker in the car. She always took the same routes to the same short list of places.
I never knew this was allowed..but reading different....https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-su...g-dementia-law terrible situation your in and feel for you both..She is very young too to have this terrible condition..
Get her an Uber account, show her how to use it, and if necessary, set up an Uber "fund" and keep it with a generous balance, so she can take Uber wherever and whenever. My adult sons have done this for aging family members, and they love it.
It is peace of mind, and it is convenience, and it is safety.
[quote=Tzaphkiel;62934736]Get her an Uber account, show her how to use it, and if necessary, set up an Uber "fund" and keep it with a generous balance, so she can take Uber wherever and whenever. My adult sons have done this for aging family members, and they love it.
Can they afford this though..
Although her doctor can't talk to you, you can express your concerns about her and let him/her be the bad guy because they can notify DMV to revoke her license. I am also the last one standing in my family, other than my husband, so I appreciate your concerns.
She can sign a release, NOK, it's OK to divulge health information. Her doc can talk to you.
She might look for a second opinion. What's he basing his diagnosis on? Lots of questions.
It sounds as though she is still able to hold a conversation and express her wishes. I wouldn't be going behind her back to talk to her doctor or make any bold moves to step in and take charge. She isn't quite at that stage...
You can start researching care facilities for her and you might want to ask her if her will is up to date along with POA(s). Ask her what you can do to help.
You mention that you don't have a driver's license or a car. How are you getting to/from appointments and running your own errands? I'm sorry if that comes across as nosy, but I am genuinely curious how people manage transportation when they do not or can not drive.
Get her an Uber account, show her how to use it, and if necessary, set up an Uber "fund" and keep it with a generous balance, so she can take Uber wherever and whenever. My adult sons have done this for aging family members, and they love it.
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Originally Posted by dizzybint
Can they afford this though..
sounds like she can, if she was offering to pay rent. uber rides are a lot cheaper than rent.
or paying out on damages for a car accident.
i gotta say it is dangerous and irresponsible to tell someone to "drive anyway" when the doctor has said to give up driving.
that is an accident and lost lives waiting to happen, in a situation that is totally preventable, by getting someone off the road.
doctors are required to notify the DMV when a patient's medical condition is a risk for them to continue driving. a family member can go to the patient's doctor and request them to notify DMV.
don't be like a boss i had, who yes was a medical doctor. he and his siblings decided it was "OK" for their aging father to keep driving, because they didn't want to deal with the inconvenience and the difficulty of keeping him from driving. So they let him keep driving, yes "just short trips around town in daylight" "surely that won't be a problem." well it was a problem. aging father (with aging mother in the passenger seat beside him) went through a stop sign, caused a collision, caused the death of his wife, severe injuries of himself and the two people in the other car.
aging father was hospitalized for a long time, and when he "came to" they had to tell him that the accident which he caused by driving when he should not have been driving, and which none of his ADULT PROFESSIONAL CHILDREN prevented from happening, when they could have prevented it, had killed his wife and had killed their mother. oh, and on top of that the estate is being sued by the people in the other car (and rightly so), the lawsuit includes not only the estate but every one of the adult children including my boss the medical doctor, is being sued for allowing the aging father to drive.
that is what you are signing up for when you say "it's OK to drive around town"
when someone has no business being on the road.
other people's safety, saving lives, is far more important than inconvenience or upset about not being able to drive anymore.
sounds like she can, if she was offering to pay rent. uber rides are a lot cheaper than rent.
or paying out on damages for a car accident.
Uber would only be a temporary solution for a person with dementia. She would eventually need an aid to take her to appointments and shopping.
If Op's sister is looking at giving up driving she should be looking into assisted living/memory care facilities.
If she didn't have dementia then an Independent Living apartment that offers shuttle transportation to medical and stores might be a good option for her. But a person with dementia is not going to do well taking a shuttle and navigating the stores or finding their doctor's office by themselves. Even if they manage to get to their destination, they could easily forget why they are there, what they're supposed to be buying and even where to go to get on the shuttle for the return trip.
My sister has dementia. She was diagnosed about this time last year and it was a shock to both of us as she was 58 at the time. We spoke on the phone for an hour tonight and it was a good conversation. She did not have trouble finding words and did not repeat herself at all which has been common since before she was diagnosed. I've only seen her twice since she was diagnosed as she won't drive out here to see me. It's a thirty minute drive, but I don't have a car or a valid license anymore. Plus, I have issues driving with a prosthetic right leg, which doesn't matter anymore as I can't legally drive anyway.
But during the conversation tonight, she mentioned almost in passing that her doctor suggested she not drive at all anymore. Since she learned she has dementia, she only drives to the store, the vet (and not there much anymore since her dog died, she still has two cats), the doctor and friends houses. She says everywhere she goes is within five miles of the house. I've thought her dementia was in the beginning phrases and she was OK to drive. It's hard to tell though since I rarely see her in person anymore. But now I am not so sure after reading through the "Mom w/dementia hell bent on driving.." thread. The difference is my sister is not hellbent on driving, but I sensed she was not keen on being told she couldn't drive either. She says she loves her car. I also am not sure if the doctor told her not to drive or merely "suggested" it as she said. The "hellbent" thread was interesting and worrying. Interesting since most of not all the dementia patients were elderly and worrying because some of them resorted to manipulation to keep driving.
What should I do? How should I handle this? This is all new to me. I am the youngest and we have no other biological family anymore. So far, she still lives by herself but has friends who check in on her as much as they can. I am disabled myself living on almost no money and feel like I am failing her. Any suggestions?
Are you able to move in with her, or she with you? At some point, she will need help and if you cannot go to her, what will she do?
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