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I did some checking and found much written about these "filial responsibility" laws. So apparently they're a real thing. But in 73 years I've never heard of them, much less of any enforcement of them. Hopefully that is because they are not....enforced.
A hopelessly flawed and unrealistic concept in life as it is today. Given the horror that tragically so many experience at the hands of abusive parents, the children of these savages are the last who should be held responsible for anything related or connected to them.
What this is is an example and a reminder of how primitive life was in the 16th century.
Seemed to be a trait of "old timers" like my grandparents, who came to the US from Eastern European countries, at least in the late 19th-early 20th century. From what I know, a few of my cousins allowed themselves to get roped into this "take care of ma and pa" thing, and died as "spinsters", as the old term was used.....
I can't be too specific, as my father's employer transferred him a couple of times, when I was young, and we left my hometown in central NJ, therefore I didn't have the opportunity to get to know too many of my relatives.
My grandmother wasn't at all like that. Even when she needed help from me, she was always considerate of my needs ("Only if it's no trouble" kind of thing). And she was my mom's mom. My mom lived 90 minutes from me, in Philly so it was very heavy traffic to get to her. I had a job with an hour commute the opposite way. But she'd call and insist I "have to" drive down after work because she forgot to get a prescription refilled, or she's out of Tide. The fact that I might be exhausted after work to make a multi-hour round trip drive never occurred to her. It didn't matter. During holiday dinners with the family, she's order me around like a servant "Get me coffee", "walk me to the bathroom" barked at me all night.
A good friend of my sister became the "parent" in her family for many years. She never left home and is single. She also has a single brother who rents an apt in the parent's home. She turned down a few "fancy" career opportunities that would involve travel so she could be closer to home. She does work (education field), has a college degree. She always vacationed with her family (they've taken some nice ones, lots of cruises). As far as the parents "demanding" that she never leave home, I don't think that was the case. But they are all so close and her parents started having a lot of health issues. A couple of years ago, she told my sister the only change she saw in her future was her parents dying. No talk of marriage, moving, getting her own place,
having an adventure, etc.
Now it's the future: Her father just passed on Sunday. Her mom has dementia (I don't think they will be able to tell her of his death) and I think her brother has some anxiety issues. She carries the load. She is a nice person and I often wonder if she could rewrite history, what choices would she make.
I used to work with the nicest man in the world. He was an older Italian man, a devout Catholic who went to Mass every day at lunchtime. We'd yell, "Pray for me, Sal" when he was walking out and he would smile and say, "I always do."
He wanted to be a priest, but he felt he had to take care of his parents as they aged. There was also an elderly uncle in the home. His sister lived with the rest of them, but she worked in a bank, never married either, and was one of the first women to rise to her level as a banking executive.
Eventually both parents died and it was down to the uncle. His sister hit 65, was forced into retirement by the bank even though she wanted to keep working, and she died a few months later. Then it was Sal and the 95-year-old uncle. The uncle died, Sal retired, and within a year he had a heart attack and was gone, too. It sounded like a sad life to the rest of us, but he was always cheerful, loved to treat people to lunch, brought in Italian pastries on all the holidays, and maybe that was the life he wanted to live, or felt God wanted him to live.
Yesterday I evaluated 4 new patients, the oldest of which was 72, and the youngest 46. Of them, there is only one that I think has a chance of going back home. The kids in these cases are not established yet. They can't stay home and take care of someone, they can't take someone to dialysis at 4am 3 days a week.
As someone close to 46, I can say that particular person very well may have children not yet/barely into/barely out of their teens. (If they have children at all)
Most of my friend group have children 6-15 years old, only one has all adult children in their early to mid-20s. None of those adult kids, IMO opinion, would be financially or house stable enough to absorb a parent into their home and be a caregiver. In fact, I think 3 of the 4 still live at home while attending college. There are also several of us that don't have children at all. Not uncommon among us Gen Xers to have relatively young children or none.
I used to work with the nicest man in the world. He was an older Italian man, a devout Catholic who went to Mass every day at lunchtime. We'd yell, "Pray for me, Sal" when he was walking out and he would smile and say, "I always do."
He wanted to be a priest, but he felt he had to take care of his parents as they aged. There was also an elderly uncle in the home. His sister lived with the rest of them, but she worked in a bank, never married either, and was one of the first women to rise to her level as a banking executive.
Eventually both parents died and it was down to the uncle. His sister hit 65, was forced into retirement by the bank even though she wanted to keep working, and she died a few months later. Then it was Sal and the 95-year-old uncle. The uncle died, Sal retired, and within a year he had a heart attack and was gone, too. It sounded like a sad life to the rest of us, but he was always cheerful, loved to treat people to lunch, brought in Italian pastries on all the holidays, and maybe that was the life he wanted to live, or felt God wanted him to live.
That is a good point. Oftentimes, we don't know what people feel inside. There's no guarantee that an alternate life would have been a happier life.
My grandmother wasn't at all like that. Even when she needed help from me, she was always considerate of my needs ("Only if it's no trouble" kind of thing). And she was my mom's mom. My mom lived 90 minutes from me, in Philly so it was very heavy traffic to get to her. I had a job with an hour commute the opposite way. But she'd call and insist I "have to" drive down after work because she forgot to get a prescription refilled, or she's out of Tide. The fact that I might be exhausted after work to make a multi-hour round trip drive never occurred to her. It didn't matter. During holiday dinners with the family, she's order me around like a servant "Get me coffee", "walk me to the bathroom" barked at me all night.
I feel for you, as it sounds like your situation was somewhat similar to mine. I initially got along with my parents fairly well, and I was pretty close to my dad. When I was 19, I had an opportunity to get hired into a work/college co-op deal, with a local corporation. My father suggested I give it a try, and said the worst thing that could happen is after the program was completed, I didn't care for the job, in which case I could look for something else. But at least I'd have gotten some help with my college tuition, and they weren't going to push me out the door, so I'd still have a roof over my head.
I took the job, but unfortunately, a couple years later, my father suddenly and unexpectedly died. That changed my situation, as at that point my having gainful employment had become essential. I continued to live with my mother, because at first, between work and school, I had a pretty full schedule, topped off by my girlfriend breaking up with me.
Long story short, my mother began to depend on me more and more, and when I finally got married, a number of years later, she became very resentful of both me and especially my wife, and made things as difficult as possible.......
I have the feeling this will be a bigger and bigger problem, as more people started living alone, unmarried in recent decades.
The people I know living healthily into their 90s all have, at the least, a caring spouse, and most have caring children.
Who Will Care for ‘Kinless’ Seniors?
It smells like a "create a problem where none exists then take other people's money to fund it" program.
It operates under the false assumption that "kinless" seniors need care. Not all of them do.
100 years ago this wouldn't even be an issue because at that time we had what were called old-aged homes or pensioner's homes. They were operated by cities, or counties, or States and sometimes jointly by the States/counties.
SRO, you know, single-room occupancy. Three meals a day. The old skins played parlor games or knitted or wiled the hours away sitting on the front porch. Later, in the 1930s they'd listen to the many radio show programs. In the 1950s they had TVs. There were also boarding houses for people of some means.
But by the 1960s, they were gone. You can see them depicted in many films up through the late 1960s that have scenes or even where the whole film takes place at the old-folks home.
What happened to them? Government shut them down -- State.local government -- through its many regulations and ordinances that made it cost-prohibitive to operate them or the costs imposed by local and State government made the rent exorbitant or both.
We cannot ignore the federal government's role with the advent of Medicare and Medicaid and all the "free" money floating around.
Does it really cost someone's entire Social Security check less $40 to stay in a nursing home?
Nope, but that's what they charge and no one questions why.
.......But by the 1960s, they were gone. You can see them depicted in many films up through the late 1960s that have scenes or even where the whole film takes place at the old-folks home.
What happened to them? Government shut them down -- State, local government -- through its many regulations and ordinances that made it cost-prohibitive to operate them or the costs imposed by local and State government made the rent exorbitant or both.
I know that the subject of this post was regarding "senior citizen living", in America, but the above comments also apply to why there are far fewer manufacturing facilities in America, too. In the interest of reducing pollution, which IS important, the Government took the short sighted view, and simply wrote up draconian regulations, that heavily restricted domestic companies from operating, and/or also showing a profit.
The companies simply moved operations out of the country, primarily to third world countries, that were starving for money, and willing to ignore the pollution issues. American consumers also fueled this move, because they put price over everything else.....
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She is a nice person and I often wonder if she could rewrite history, what choices would she make.
