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Oy, just reading this thread is making my anxiety act up.
Kurai, this being a cat forum, nearly everyone here are going to express dismay at the conditions the cats are living in. That is NOT to suggest that many here, including myself, aren't sympathetic to your and your roommates' health concerns, but the cats living there are suffering just as much, if not more.
I don't know what else to say that I didn't say in my last response or that others haven't already said that won't upset you. I think your situation is beyond the expertise of most people here and I think it would be much better for you and everyone involved to seek out advice from real professionals. There are no easy or clear cut solutions to this situation. As mentioned before, this isn't a cat issue, this a a people issue and therefore, a cat forum may not be the best place for advice. Regardless of money or insurance issues, I think you should seek more professional help to work with you and your roommates on the issues in this household. The cats will not get better until the people in this household do.
I have one other thing to say that is 100% about the cats.
It can be easy to ascribe negative human personality traits to cats, especially when the behaviors of said cats are ruining one's life. You would accept that a PERSON has Disorders A, B, C, D and 92.5 which prevent them from behaving normally, because they said so, but still think that a cat has revenge peeing or is a jerk.
Fact is, cats have a much more basic and simple intelligence than that of a human being. The cats in this situation are victims, and I know it's hard to see it like that when they are ruining everything like this, but they are. The situation has caused them to become MENTALLY ILL. And stress for animals is far more serious and severe in a way, than stress for humans. Take fish, stress can literally and quickly kill a fish dead. In the cats' case, you're talking the stress of constant aggression or constant anxiety, the stress of strange cats coming and going, or in the case of the fosters, being moved into this situation. The stress of whatever people do when they pee on things, such as yell or rub their noses in it possibly (no, you didn't say you did that, but people sometimes do. I'm not accusing or mocking, just laying out a theory here.) And there is no way to punish a cat into understanding anything ever. It's not possible. A cat can learn fear, and that people are mean and scary, but not to cease a particular behavior because it leads to a penalty.
You might already know that very well. Does everyone else in the house? Again, not accusing, just saying.
So anyhow the cumulative situation is that these cats are out of their minds with stress even more than you and your roommates are. They have no cognitive ability to escape even by reading a book or getting online or whatever, and they are powerless to change a thing.
So what's the point of all this? Try not to judge the cats. It's not their fault, and it's wrong to accept the excuses (valid though they may be) of your fellow humans, yet harbor unproductive enmity against an animal.
Also want to say, if you're in Western Washington, make sure you get out of that house sometimes, especially if you can catch the sun out. If you stay in a house (especially a depressing house full of issues) in the perpetual gloom that is western WA most of the time, you will get mentally unbalanced in ways you never even knew about. I lived there a while and fell into that for most of 2008 when I was unemployed. I had to get out and work and have a social life and light and color and interaction, to be OK. That region's weather adds its own effects to any situation where mental issues are present, just be warned.
Your personal lifestyle choices - while very important and relevant to you - really have no bearing on this situation at all.
The best solid advice I can offer you is to seek help for you and the people you are living with. I again say this at the heart is a people problem and with your posts you have confirmed this with your telling of emotional disorders.
You cannot expect sane, rational, stable behavior from your feline housemates when there is not sane, rational and stable behavior from the human housemates.
However in you shouldering all the responsibility to row the ship you will sink it.
You need to get some professional help. There all all sorts of people and companies that will aid you in cleaning out and sorting out the house. You NEED to hire one. In a week or so your home will feel new. Get rid of the clutter - you will truly all feel so much better - having all the junk around you is depressing in and of itself. Get it out of there! Then have the house professionally cleaned from top to bottom. If you have carpeting I'm and it needs replacing I'm sure it can be done rather inexpensively. It sounds like you all truly need a new start line.
Get some good counseling or see a psychologist for your mental health if you are not already. Many people don't and they should be! I'm NOT in ANY way judging you - but your own words just say you are all overwhelmed and need some help. There is no need for any of you to live like this anymore.
If you and your human companions help yourselves I'm sure you will see a remarkable change in the cats. I truly think you are focusing on the cats because it is your largest inconvenience - however they are not your real problem.
OP, this thread has been on my mind all day. I can almost sense the unhappiness of all those in your home. I am concerned that the other posters are right and that you have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. I will pray for peace for all of you, human and feline. I hope you will reach out in your new community for support from people who do not have a vested interest in your remaining in this (or any other) relationship situation or housing arrangement.
Kurai, you are in a difficult situation but I agree with everyone who has pointed out this is a PEOPLE problem, not a cat problem. The cats are essentially blameless; they are doing what they need to do in a difficult situation.
I think you need help with the dysfunctional people in your life (including yourself - NOT calling you dysfunctional but it does seem you have taken on more than any one person can reasonably handle) - bottom line, you are single-handedly trying to fix an unfixable problem.
I agree with kittymom4 and others...you need to stop focusing on the cats, and take a good look at the humans' behaviour here. The cats are just a diversion; they are not the problem.
I just want to say, now that I see more of the picture, good luck to you in working through this. No matter what, it's not going to be easy.
What I think I see mainly is that while you of course react to the things that the cats are or are not doing (in other words, you would like the cats to act differently), ultimately a great deal of their behavior, or at least any effort in changing their behavior, is going to require changes in the humans' behavior in that house.
Some of the things you've mentioned that I remember (I've been reading the thread all along but forgive me if I've missed or messed up a couple details) would most likely require physical separation of some of the cats (at least temporarily) to resolve the issues. It probably requires more litter boxes and more frequent cleaning of them. It requires making sure there are not other tempting places for the cats to relieve themselves. And so on. These changes are fairly simple in concept and execution but for them to be consistent and have significant effect on the cats it takes relearning on behalf of the people in the household. And "simple" does not equal "easy".
You have to break yourselves of the old habits that allow the cats to continue as they are. Then you'll be able to break some of the cats' annoying habits. At least, this is what it appears to me, from what you have said. I understand that some of the habits may have roots in various disorders, and that will probably make it that much more difficult. I suspect this is what you are already experiencing. It really just is that difficult and it really is more about changing the people's behavior than it is changing the cats. It takes the one change to facilitate the other.
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