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Thankyou for all the well-wishing. I hope she comes home soon, too.
Last night was kind of the dramatic explosion of this all. Fiancee made a vow the night moo ran away, that he wouldn't drink until she came home. (he knocked back a couple of beers the night he took her out in his arms, and he knows I contribute that to his idiocy for having taken her outside in what he thought was a controlled environment). Knowing how much he treasures picking up a 6 pack of so over the weekend when he gets off of work, I scoffed when he originally voluntarily proposed this vow, but I didn't say anything. Needless to say, when he came home last night with his beer, I exploded. He didn't have an excuse, he said he knows he made the promise, but he really just wanted a beer! I started half crying - half trying not to throw the beer in his face, and he got really upset. Yes, I can't think of anything else he could possibly be doing to bring moo home, that wasn't the point. Yes I know he misses her too, yes I know it's just a beer. But to me, it was him giving up and moving on without a care in the world, other than his alcohol-driven self indulgence.
I know this is a pet forum, not a marital counseling panel. But he brought up some very valid points last night. I know I'm depressed, I know my life isn't moving forward without little moo, but he's right, I've been resenting him for it since that night. I won't touch him, I kiss him goodbye, but I push him away unconsciously when I'm sleeping, and unless he's very careful (walking on eggshells, so to speak) about what topics he brings up, he knows I'm only a stray thought away from bursting into tears. I hadn't realized until now, that possibly pursuing lost moo with such a fervent passion would do more harm than good in the other areas of my life.
Posting her pictures on here was more for my benefit than for yours. But it didn't do any good. Bumping this thread up to the top of the list every night won't do any good, and the most I would be doing at this point is just checking in and keeping everybody posted.
I'll continue to put out food for her, even if it's Badcat eating it. I'll continue to call her at night when it's time for bed. I will check the SPCA reports/new arrivals and lost and found sections of the local papers daily. (rather than hourly) I'll make sure the fliers in their plastic coatings stay up around the neighborhood, and I won't stop praying that she finds her way home someday, or that she's happy where she is now - but I am wrung out. I have nothing left to give, nothing left to offer. Definately nothing left to post.
I haven't done laundry in over a week. I have no appetite. I haven't brushed my hair in days. (yes, I must look like a crazy cat lady) But more importantly, I need to work on finding a way to forgive him, and move on without moo, while trying to justify mentally that I'm not giving up on her at the same time.
I'll be asking a mod to close this post within the day. I won't hesistate to blow up the boards with a new thread if and when she finds her way home to me.
Merry Christmas, guys. I love you Little Moo.
And as far as I'm concerned, what you're going through is even harder than losing a cat to illness or having to deal with putting one to sleep. At least that way there's closure -- you know what happened and why, and that they're no longer suffering if they were. Not even knowing where your kitty is and what has happened to it is traumatizing and he needs to show a little more patience with you, in my not very humble opinion.
Feh, now I'm pissed off at him.
Take care of yourself, Marylandkitten. You do whatever you need to do for yourself. We'll all be here for you whatever support you need.
This is all part of the healing process . . . . for both of you. Your honey feels bad, but he is also worried about the toll it has taken on you. And that makes him feel worse. His concerns are legit, especially if he is concerned about depression. I've been there and wouldn't have been able to dig myself out without my husband pushing me.
Take care of yourself and your realtionship. Moo wants to come back to a happy healthy home.
*hugs* Me and my household are praying for you and yours.
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I started half crying - half trying not to throw the beer in his face, and he got really upset. Yes, I can't think of anything else he could possibly be doing to bring moo home, that wasn't the point. Yes I know he misses her too, yes I know it's just a beer. But to me, it was him giving up and moving on without a care in the world, other than his alcohol-driven self indulgence.
