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Thank you everyone for your replies and DM's. They are freezing their credit and I sadly realize that without prosecution, nothing else can be done. The kids are considering asking their grandmother (their dad's mother) for the money to cover the bills. She has helped her son some in the past and she's done, but maybe she will decide to help her grandchildren, given the situation. Poor woman. I feel sorry for everyone involved in this mess. His actions have devastated multiple families over the years. I don't know how he sleeps at night.
You are right lumbollo, bajanqueen and Robhu. I've done all I can and I need to let it go. I've told my kids that they have to live with their choices and I will not provide any financial support related to this debt. It breaks my heart.
His actions do have a direct impact on me as well. Our divorce decree states he is responsible for college tuition. He agreed to this 15 years ago. Since he has nothing now, I will be paying for everything here going forward. I will not dump this on the kids shoulders on top of everything else.
I wouldn't pressure your sons into pressing charges against their father. Regardless of his actions, it is still their father and there is a lot of emotions involved. I've dealt with similar situations. They are already feeling betrayed by his actions, they don't need to deal with your private agenda because of your feelings for him. It is a no win situation, nobody wants to see a parent behind bars, and unfortunately, they didn't pick their father (actually, that was you).
Do have them protect their credit from any future abuse by freezing it. And have them write letters to the credit agencies saying it is not their account, and they would like verification of signatures and whatever other identification check the credit company did. If they cannot verify it within 30 days, they have to remove it.
I wouldn't pressure your sons into pressing charges against their father. Regardless of his actions, it is still their father and there is a lot of emotions involved. I've dealt with similar situations. They are already feeling betrayed by his actions, they don't need to deal with your private agenda because of your feelings for him. It is a no win situation, nobody wants to see a parent behind bars, and unfortunately, they didn't pick their father (actually, that was you).
This is exactly the case. The kids don't want to send him to jail and I understand how they feel. Believe me, I've wished many times I had never met him, yet I have to two smart, beautiful kids as a result.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789
Do have them protect their credit from any future abuse by freezing it. And have them write letters to the credit agencies saying it is not their account, and they would like verification of signatures and whatever other identification check the credit company did. If they cannot verify it within 30 days, they have to remove it.
They are afraid if they write letters, this will get their dad in trouble. They are so emotionally manipulated by him.
As they mature they will find out what I.D. fraud is all about, unfortunately and if by chance they do not file a police report to protect themselves those creditors may get default judgments and garnish their wages and that will take a long time, years, and maybe just then they will have learned why they cannot enjoy life like so many others. In this situation ignorance is not bliss. You have done what you could so move on.
Unfortunately, your children have two issues to deal with, the debt and a father with severe mental illness. Bipolar disorder can be devastating to the whole family. If your ex has a therapist he is currently working with I would highly suggest that your children have some sessions with the therapist. (if they not already done so) They will have to learn the bounderies and tools that they will need to deal with this situation. What they think might be helping their father may actually be hurting him. I am sorry that your children have to be put in this position.
Also, wanted to say I hope your ex mother-in-law does NOT bail your ex out again. I know it would seem like she is bailing your kids out but all that would do is enable the ex to do it again!!!!
As long as everyone continues to bail this creep out or is afraid to put him in jail, etc. he will continue......
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I would suggest that your kids write letters to the institutions that say that they owe money. Simply state that they did not apply for or use the credit lines. That's it. It should be plain & clear, from their signatures that they did not open the credit line. They are not obliged to name their father.
You might be able to clear the credit reports without filing charges. Just file letters with all the CRAs (Equifax, Experian, Transunion) and dispute the accounts.
Your children also need to consider the fact that employers & potential employers may also run credit checks on them. This could have a negative impact on them for many years.
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