Chicago "friendliness" (Milan, Atlanta: buying, high school, vs)

[jman07]

Chicago is probably the least friendly city in the midwest and south. The only people who think it is friendly are east coasters.

[marothisu]

Originally Posted by jman07

Chicago is probably the least friendly city in the midwest and south. The only people who think it is friendly are east coasters.

Outwardly on average? Maybe, but I'll put this into perspective. I lived in Minnesota for a long time, and while people are nice on the surface if they don't know you, they were probably the biggest *******s on average I've ever met. There and Iowa - they will talk so much **** about people behind their backs it's not even funny, and in the process there are many bigoted people. On the surface, they're fine but once you get to know them, watch out. I can't tell you how happy I was to move away from there.

For the outsider, this is apparent, but as someone who lived there for 18 years - trust me. I have yet to find the people in Chicago as bad when it comes to these things.

[emathias]

Originally Posted by jman07

Chicago is probably the least friendly city in the midwest and south. The only people who think it is friendly are east coasters.

I grew up in Oregon and lived in Minneapolis for 2 1/2 years and I think Chicago is very friendly, even compared to other midwestern cities.

[Lorielicious]

I feel like I should just get a stamp that says "mjtinmemphis is right."

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by jman07

Chicago is probably the least friendly city in the midwest and south. The only people who think it is friendly are east coasters.

True, this is spot on. I did not realize the friendliness was comparative to New Yorkers or other East Coast cities. If this was true, I would have dialed down my friendliness expectations. I was not expecting the South but a friendlier Midwestern vibe.

[marothisu]

The difference comes in what you see in public versus overall. Chicago is nicer than Minnesota and Iowa if you compare "niceness" after getting to know the person. In those states, the perceived niceness is fake on the surface. In places like Chicago and NYC, it's more honest. As long as it's not unnecessary I don't see that as a bad thing. I'd rather someone be real to me than be creepily fake to me and pretend they like me when they really don't. There's a good way to do this without pissing people off and IMO Chicago, for the most part with some exceptions, does a decent job of it and better than NYC.

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by ErikBEggs

I've been to Chicago many times on business.

The people are straight up, look me in the eyes, and speak. They aren't overly bubbly though, either.

I think we are on the same wavelength. I'm from Buffalo so I'm told Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Buffalo all share a "great lakes" dialect, mannerisms, etc.

I guess I was expecting the overly bubbly type especially in the transplant neighborhoods. I understand that it is a big city and there is a big city culture which is generally not overly friendly which that is fine.

I just wished that on this board years ago that was emphasized instead of you are this age, you will meet so many people, you are missing out etc...

From my experience, I went to meetups in the city, nightlife and did other various activities that I enjoyed but did not live in the city.

I thought I was missing something since it was emphasized you had to be there. I was expecting friendly interactions and people just coming up to me making friendly comments like " I like you shoes or whatever or lots of smiles since to me this was the next level of socialization and friendliness.

As in my opinion, I could go to meetups and nightlife in the city whenever. I thought I was missing out on the day to day streetlife like the OP mention.

I assumed you be mingling with others and not just starring at your phone. In the city neighborhoods there is a lot to do, but there is not a friendly energy like I expected.

Like the OP mentioned no one really talking to each other on the train, no real conversations going on. It feels stiff and cold and I can feel that just in the body language as I have a comparative measure vs taking a pace bus.

To me you might as well be in your car if people are this stiff unless they are drinking which to me a kind of crazy in a so call friendly city.

I am not sure if it is a Chicago or big city culture thing but it does not live up to the friendliness. So to me the OP is not imagining anything, and overall I think the expectations would not be high if the hype was not there.

I feel like now a real balanced perspective and intelligent discussion is truly coming out about Chicago's friendliness scale.

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by marothisu

The difference comes in what you see in public versus overall. Chicago is nicer than Minnesota and Iowa if you compare "niceness" after getting to know the person. In those states, the perceived niceness is fake on the surface. In places like Chicago and NYC, it's more honest. As long as it's not unnecessary I don't see that as a bad thing. I'd rather someone be real to me than be creepily fake to me and pretend they like me when they really don't. There's a good way to do this without pissing people off and IMO Chicago, for the most part with some exceptions, does a decent job of it and better than NYC.

I guess this is the difference. I am a surface niceness type of person. If people do have a friendly energy to them on the surface to me that is not really friendly.

If you are afraid to mingle with other unless drinks are involved, you really not a people person in imo.

[marothisu]

Originally Posted by stephei2000

I guess this is the difference. I am a surface niceness type of person. If people do have a friendly energy to them on the surface to me that is not really friendly.

If you are afraid to mingle with other unless drinks are involved, you really not a people person in imo.

I grew up in the state that is the epitome of surface niceness - Minnesota, and they're still some of the biggest *******s deep down I've ever met anywhere in the world. I don't think most people in Chicago are mean at all on the surface. I think the difference is that in a place like Minnesota, if you do something stupid, people will just keep smiling for the most part. They're afraid to say ANYTHING to your face, but once it's behind your back they'll talk so much **** about you it's not even funny. In Chicago, they may look at you funny or actually tell you. However, if you aren't doing anything weird/wrong/etc, it's not going to happen in Chicago. Just because nobody's smiling at you 24/7 doesn't mean they're a mean person or unfriendly. Believe it or not, I'm a pretty friendly person, but when I'm walking on the street, I'm usually not smiling at every single person I pass. I could really care less about that and anybody who relies on their own happiness being measured by how many people are nice to them on the street probably needs higher self esteem. I'm not saying people who are mean to them, but just people who have no reaction to them at all.

It reminds me of my friend who lived in LA for two years and was complaining that random people here don't tell him everyday how good he looks, but in LA he would get that. I then realized his whole self worth is measured on what other people tell him and think about him, which is not good.

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by marothisu

I grew up in the state that is the epitome of surface niceness - Minnesota, and they're still some of the biggest *******s deep down I've ever met anywhere in the world. I don't think most people in Chicago are mean at all on the surface. I think the difference is that in a place like Minnesota, if you do something stupid, people will just keep smiling for the most part. They're afraid to say ANYTHING to your face, but once it's behind your back they'll talk so much **** about you it's not even funny. In Chicago, they may look at you funny or actually tell you. However, if you aren't doing anything weird/wrong/etc, it's not going to happen in Chicago. Just because nobody's smiling at you 24/7 doesn't mean they're a mean person or unfriendly. Believe it or not, I'm a pretty friendly person, but when I'm walking on the street, I'm usually not smiling at every single person I pass. I could really care less about that and anybody who relies on their own happiness being measured by how many people are nice to them on the street probably needs higher self esteem. I'm not saying people who are mean to them, but just people who have no reaction to them at all.

It reminds me of my friend who lived in LA for two years and was complaining that random people here don't tell him everyday how good he looks, but in LA he would get that. I then realized his whole self worth is measured on what other people tell him and think about him, which is not good.

I agree with you on a couple of points. First I went to Minnesota and the people scared the **it out of me but the perceive nicest was not bubbly. It seem robotic and forced. That is the vibe I got of it, so I can see why you would want to get away for Minnesota. There perceived nice demeanor actually freaked me out and I like small talk, but Minnesota was a different level.

Second I do think if somebody is depending random people to tell how good looking they are all the time that there is a possibly self-esteem issues.

However, I do not see what is wrong with small talk, having really friendly conversations with people you do not know especially customer service. Chicago is seriously lacking in this department and does not mean a person has low self-esteem just because when someone is picking up lets say a pizza or riding on the train that a person would not want to have a conversation.

When people look outwardly mean, I feel that energy therefore I do not feel good when I feel that. I like to be around fun, open, and smiley type people. I understand if you are having a bad day, but to me if everyone is so in love with city living and why does everyone look so angry and defensive?

Like in previous posting, I can tell the difference riding the red line vs the express bus downtown to work. The red line feels stuffy, stuck up just plain douchy. Where as oppose to riding the bus people are more friendly, down to earth, and I have had many conversations with people riding to work, just people reading books instead of starring at their I-Phone thinking they are so much better than everyone.