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It takes a big person to admit to abuse.
I wonder if we can break the abuse down; into didn't know any better abuse,
non personal abuse, as in had a really bad day and then there's the don't know why I'm abusing abuse.
I hear about abuse everyday around here.
Just yesterday three little kids in diapers were out on a busy street, left alone, parents no where to be found, someone called the police, kids were reeking with dirt and poop. Hey, I wonder how long it will be to work thru their issues, when they're older.
Will the parents ever admit to their wrongs?
Questions, questions, nary an answer....
Well I only had to deal with the big cases so the small stuff doesn't concern me.
So stuff like gossip etc doesn't touch me.
In families the abusive pattern is often handed down from generation on generation and is often not seen as abuse but as 'normal' behaviour.
Rape and incest are generally not believed by family, because that would suggest that the family unit is not safe, so often they deny it ever happened.
Originally Posted by waitingWell I only had to deal with the big cases so the small stuff doesn't concern me.
So stuff like gossip etc doesn't touch me.
In families the abusive pattern is often handed down from generation on generation and is often not seen as abuse but as 'normal' behaviour.
Rape and incest are generally not believed by family, because that would suggest that the family unit is not safe, so often they deny it ever happened.
In the Bible, truth is spoken. So if abuse happens, it isn't denied.
When the extended "family" deny truth, it's best to distance oneself forever if need be.
When the extended "family" deny truth, it's best to distance oneself forever if need be.
I never had trouble with abandoning religion or churches. Leaving family is hard. The only reason they can't understand you is because they often do not know what it is to go through such an experience. They act mostly out of ignorance and often mean well.
But if they can't adjust after so long it's just time to go.
I've never started a thread before but I thought I would throw this out there.
I am an adoptee. I was raised in a Rockwellian environment by Christian parents. As a young adult, I met my biological father (and my full-blooded brother). My mother had died so I never met her.
Anyway, I've known them now for twenty-nine years. A year and a half ago I finally and totally cut my father out of my life. For the entire time I associated with him he mercilessly abused me--emotionally and verbally. Christmas of '05 was the first Christmas I ever spent with him and he could not let the day go by without abusing me. I finally had enough. I haven't spoken to him in nearly two years.
I have no desire to speak with or see him. I'm through, completely. I have suffered tremendously because of him and am now in counseling and on medication.
My question...my father is not a Christian--shows total hatred toward anything affiliated with God, Christ, Christianity. Am I justified in cutting him out of my life?
This is just a curiosity on my part. I'm not going back--to many times I have only to be viciously abused again. I'm just interested in everyone's opinion.
No one should have to put up with abuse; of any form. whether they are a Christian or not.
But if you are one, you have to forgive; because God's word commands us to do so. And it would be better off for you , you don't want to further injure yourself by harboring unforgiveness=resentment=bitterness=sickness and eventually death to the soul. As difficult as this may be for you to do. As for the cutting ties; I can't say that I wouldn't; but I may be older and have a bit more experience at this type scenario than you do. It's not that complicated though forgive move on. Let God do the restoration process.
I regret that you have been abused; be encouraged that you are not alone;
Stay strong and trust in the Lord for your source and your strength, He will heal you from all of your hurts if you let Him
God Bless You
I have forgiven my father--many years ago. I have also confronted him with his abuse, many times. The last big discussion we had was about 3-4 years ago when I told him the abuse was going to stop and stop now. I told him if it didn't, then I would cut him out of my life for good. I'm now keeping my word on that account.
When I did confront him, I told him that I loved him and that I forgave him. I also asked him to forgive me for anything that I might have said or done over the years in response to his abuse. He didn't respond--I truly don't think he has the capacity to do so. Anyway, I've done everything that I can think of to make things right. Ultimately, I realized that it was important for me to make things right in Christ's eyes. I believe I've done that.
By the way, in answer to one person's post, my mother died of colon cancer, not in giving birth to me. If she had, then my full-blooded brother couldn't have been born. My father hates God because of all the hypocrisy he saw in the Catholic Church growing up in Italy. He judges everyone involved in any and all religions the same.
When I made my decision to cut him out of my life, a burden was lifted from my shoulders. No more walking on eggshells, no more difficult phone calls, no more garbage thrown at me. I'm at a point now where I'm done with it. I harbor no ill feelings anymore; I just don't want anything to do with him. A good friend of mine said that the opposite of love is not hatred, but ambivalence. I believe that. That is where I am now. Totally uninterested.
Funny thing, last night I got a text message from my biological brother--he wants me to come and visit him in Russia next spring. My relationship with him is blossoming. It should be noted, too, that I've met my extended biological family in Italy and I have a magnificent relationship with them. They have told me that they want nothing to do with my father anymore either. As far as they're concerned, he's not even part of the family. That's BIG for an Italian family to say. It has helped validate my decision.
By the way, in answer to one person's post, my mother died of colon cancer, not in giving birth to me. If she had, then my full-blooded brother couldn't have been born.
Not if your brother was born first.
Quote:
My father hates God because of all the hypocrisy he saw in the Catholic Church growing up in Italy. He judges everyone involved in any and all religions the same.
Well being born Catholic in Italy can do that.
I personally find the Vatican-city the height of hypocracy for the Catholic church.
I cannot justify the fact that there are millions of Catholics who live in poor living conditions, while the pope lives the lifestyle of the rich & famous.
Somehow I don't see Jesus living like this.
Location: Somewhere along the path to where I'd like to be.
2,180 posts, read 5,433,586 times
Reputation: 829
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobmulk
Thought I would add a few things here.
I have forgiven my father--many years ago. I have also confronted him with his abuse, many times. The last big discussion we had was about 3-4 years ago when I told him the abuse was going to stop and stop now. I told him if it didn't, then I would cut him out of my life for good. I'm now keeping my word on that account.
When I did confront him, I told him that I loved him and that I forgave him. I also asked him to forgive me for anything that I might have said or done over the years in response to his abuse. He didn't respond--I truly don't think he has the capacity to do so. Anyway, I've done everything that I can think of to make things right. Ultimately, I realized that it was important for me to make things right in Christ's eyes. I believe I've done that.
By the way, in answer to one person's post, my mother died of colon cancer, not in giving birth to me. If she had, then my full-blooded brother couldn't have been born. My father hates God because of all the hypocrisy he saw in the Catholic Church growing up in Italy. He judges everyone involved in any and all religions the same.
When I made my decision to cut him out of my life, a burden was lifted from my shoulders. No more walking on eggshells, no more difficult phone calls, no more garbage thrown at me. I'm at a point now where I'm done with it. I harbor no ill feelings anymore; I just don't want anything to do with him. A good friend of mine said that the opposite of love is not hatred, but ambivalence. I believe that. That is where I am now. Totally uninterested.
Funny thing, last night I got a text message from my biological brother--he wants me to come and visit him in Russia next spring. My relationship with him is blossoming. It should be noted, too, that I've met my extended biological family in Italy and I have a magnificent relationship with them. They have told me that they want nothing to do with my father anymore either. As far as they're concerned, he's not even part of the family. That's BIG for an Italian family to say. It has helped validate my decision.
Given all that you've shared with us, I believe it is okay that you have cut him out of your life.
Move on. Be at peace. And be blessed!
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They act mostly out of ignorance and often mean well.
Not if your brother was born first.
