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Fill your life with other activities that are a joy to engage in. The mind never forgets, but it will compensate for being fulfilled. Forgiveness is an ongoing process that you will not carry another's sins and burdens any longer. A continued relieving oneself of vengeance. After you have been in a great relationship, you don't recall all the difficulties of dating. After you are on the wide ocean, you don't recall the difficulties it took to get to the dock, out of the slip, and away from the breakers. After you've been seated in the dining room at a posh affair you don't recall the preparation to get there. Forgiveness and a fulfilled life are what allows you to move past insults and injuries and into peace.
This might sound flippant but I don't mean it that way: Make the decision to forgive them. That's the starting point.
The hard part is that once you've made the decision, you have to police your own mind and be really honest with yourself about what you're doing in there. Are you still thinking about them in a resentful way, dwelling on the hurt they've caused and never allowing that hurt to heal?
Whenever you find yourself doing that, don't get down on yourself. The emotions you are having are valid, and you have to go through the emotions, not stuff them down. But if you're feeding those emotions with more anger and resentment and replaying the hurt over and over in your mind, you are never going to heal.
If you can, perhaps imagine yourself as a child who is hurting and then take care of that child in your mind ... let the adult you hug the child you, tell them you love them. Be good to yourself. Don't wait for someone else, including the person who has hurt you, to do that for you. You need comfort for the hurt you are feeling, and it's okay and healthy to give that to yourself. And if the person is chronically abusive, then to the degree you have control over it, don't be around them because part of loving yourself is not purposely putting yourself in harm's way. Whether or not you tell the person that you can't be around them when they act that way towards you is dependent on how safe you feel doing so, and if you can do so without animosity or adding more fuel to the fire.
As you're taking care of yourself, begin nurturing good thoughts towards the person who has harmed you. You ever heard that saying, "Hurting people hurt people"? That's usually pretty true, I think. A person who hurts someone else is usually someone who has suffered some hurt themselves. So, imagine them being comforted. Imagine them healing from their hurts. Imagine them healthy and whole and happy, loved and loving. If they are people you do still interact with then work at holding that image of them in your mind as you are with them. It takes practice.
Just my thoughts, Marly. I hope maybe they will be helpful to you. Wishing you all the best.
This might sound flippant but I don't mean it that way: Make the decision to forgive them. That's the starting point.
The hard part is that once you've made the decision, you have to police your own mind and be really honest with yourself about what you're doing in there. Are you still thinking about them in a resentful way, dwelling on the hurt they've caused and never allowing that hurt to heal?
Whenever you find yourself doing that, don't get down on yourself. The emotions you are having are valid, and you have to go through the emotions, not stuff them down. But if you're feeding those emotions with more anger and resentment and replaying the hurt over and over in your mind, you are never going to heal.
If you can, perhaps imagine yourself as a child who is hurting and then take care of that child in your mind ... let the adult you hug the child you, tell them you love them. Be good to yourself. Don't wait for someone else, including the person who has hurt you, to do that for you. You need comfort for the hurt you are feeling, and it's okay and healthy to give that to yourself. And if the person is chronically abusive, then to the degree you have control over it, don't be around them because part of loving yourself is not purposely putting yourself in harm's way. Whether or not you tell the person that you can't be around them when they act that way towards you is dependent on how safe you feel doing so, and if you can do so without animosity or adding more fuel to the fire.
As you're taking care of yourself, begin nurturing good thoughts towards the person who has harmed you. You ever heard that saying, "Hurting people hurt people"? That's usually pretty true, I think. A person who hurts someone else is usually someone who has suffered some hurt themselves. So, imagine them being comforted. Imagine them healing from their hurts. Imagine them healthy and whole and happy, loved and loving. If they are people you do still interact with then work at holding that image of them in your mind as you are with them. It takes practice.
Just my thoughts, Marly. I hope maybe they will be helpful to you. Wishing you all the best.
Great post and advice . . . except if you are in a physically abusive relationship . . . it is necessary to separate yourself from it as safely as possible. They don't typically get better.
You could begin the healing process by trying to determine why you are upset. Is it because you have been treated unfairly, perhaps discourteously? Or is it because you feel that the other person deliberately attempted to hurt you? Was his or her action really so bad? Analyzing and understanding the reason for your reaction will allow you to consider what would be the best and Scripturally proper response. (See Proverbs 15:28; 17:27)Such reasoning may help you to be more objective and willing to forgive. By adopting such an approach, difficult though it may be, you permit God’s word to examine the "thoughts and intentions of [your] heart" and guide you in imitating His forgiving attitude.—Heb 4:12.
Also, even though you may be reluctant, take a moment to analyze matters. Perhaps you were partly to blame for what took place because you were distracted in some way. Or the other person may have been going through something you are unaware of. The point of this scenario is that we can lessen anger, disappointment, and other negative emotions with understanding, open-mindedness, and a willingness to forgive. "Do not hurry yourself in your spirit to become offended," says Ecclesiastes 7:9, "for the taking of offense is what rests in the bosom of the stupid ones." Of course I am not calling you that. But it is good, I learned, not take things so personally. On many occasions, what may be thought of as a deliberate personal offense is nothing of the sort; it is just a result of imperfection or a misunderstanding. Again, always try to be open-minded regarding what may seem to be unkind acts or words, and be willing to forgive. Trust me, you will be happier if you succeed.—1 Peter 4:8.
Last edited by Mr. Opinionated; 10-03-2013 at 10:27 AM..
Unforgiveness is under the spiritual authority false religion with strife and contention , as these dark spirits in these people are the one who will go off and babble their mouths endlessly about how these people hurt them and this could last a life time of unforgiveness , ................... Where Father God requires there is no divisions between people and the proof is through the children of God who do forgive and let it go , as enemies of Christians could kill their bodies but they can never kill their souls , as God will keep the souls of His followers , which is the bottom line .................. See there are some ways to forgive , which some people may reject , and most work and are accepted by Lord Jesus Christ................... One way is to go and tell the adversary that you forgive them , and ask for forgive and forget from that person ..................Another way is to just forgive the person and blame the devil who influenced the people who hurt you, and say like Jesus `forgive them as they know not what they do `..as the devil in their lives which they have failed to discern....................... another way is to just confess to God that you forgive them in Jesus identity , and ignore all thought on the issues as Jesus forgave the unforgiveness and then end of issue , to God ...................... Then another way is to forgive the people and forsake the person or excommunicate and even go and tell the people you forsake them and never speak to you again , then go to Jesus and ask for a pass and closure of the relation in the spirit , as possession from dark spirits could be the threat and salvations must be held up to God, which is scriptural from Matthew 19:29.................... See Jesus will never actually remove the idea from a persons mind , but through the cleansing of deliverances of spirits the exaggerations of unforgiveness can be gone
Some good advice given already. I would add 2 things:
1. Take this to heart: forgiveness is and ACT, not an emotion.
The reason why many have such a hard time forgiving is because we tie and bind forgiveness to our emotions and don't separate them. (This is especially true of women due to their more emotional state.) Separate them. Your emotions are hurting and time will ease that somewhat.
It's alright to forgive someone and still have feelings or emotions about them or the event(s) later. I recommend that you forgive IN PRAYER with God's help. You might pray something like this: "Father, a forgive (person or persons)--------------- for ---------------- (what ever was done to you) BY FAITH according to your Word. I am going to trust you to bring my emotions around to match my new forgiving attitude, even if it takes the rest of my life. In Jesus' name, Amen". Pray daily or weekly that God will indeed bring your emotions around until it happens.
2. God tells us to forgive. There are extremely good reasons for this. The most important may very well be that we if don't forgive a root of bitterness will be allowed to grow. Once this happens it can only get worse... FOR YOU. God wants us to forgive BECAUSE IT IS GOOD FOR OUR OWN WELL BEING.
Forgiveness is a choice you can make or reject. God made it pretty easy once you realize how it all works. We killed His son and He forgives us. God bless!
You forgive them by letting that betrayal go, you quit feeling the hurt . They've already hurt you, and by not forgiving them you are allowing that hurt to continue. When you forgive, you really do it for yourself..
but you should never forget, that's your protection from allowing anyone to hurt you like that again.
You can forgive them. But you will never forget. You must first forgive yourself. Many times the victim takes the blame. Forgive yourself first.
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