Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've had a personal situation come up and wanted some of your thoughts about the matter.
I've recently left the church I had been attending for ~ 20 years. I was baptized there, a member, married there, had my kids dedicated there and served in the transportation ministry for ~ 13 years. But I left because of what I determined to be "irreconcilable differences" between my view of Genesis and an associate pastor's view on Genesis (mainly).
As you all know, I'm a staunch biblical creationist. I believed my church held this view also. I was even reassured by said pastor that all 3 did (2 senior pastors & himself). However, their website indicated differently. I pointed this out. We had e-mail discussions and in person meetings which I came away from feeling attacked personally and made to feel totally "wrong" about my concerns. Also, I discovered some other doctrinal issues that I didn't agree with were afoot. That's where I first felt betrayed.
So I stayed away for awhile, just performing my transportation duties. Praying over whether it was me and my pride getting in the way or if I should stay to help "steer" them differently or if I should leave. That officially came to an end about 3 weeks ago by my attendance at a new church. I haven't officially pulled my membership from my old church, but am attending the new one and quit driving for the old one.
Also, I never talked to anyone else at the church about this situation.. until today. A deacon works in the same building as me and he asked why he hadn't seen me for a while, so I told him the whole story.
Now, I feel like I'm the betrayer. I don't want to cause trouble with my old church, so should I have told the deacon? Am I betraying my old church by not officially leaving yet, but going to the new one? Should I have stayed and tried harder to work it out before leaving?
Sorry for the long explanation, but figured might get better answers if you knew some background. Your insights will be considered prayerfully.
That's a tough one, Mams. I can't really offer you much advice as far as the doctrinal differences. I go through that with our church as well, but I know NOTHING I say would ever change their minds about anything. They're very much set in their ways. I don't think you did a bad thing by explaining to the Deacon about why you left...He asked, you answered...simple as that.
As far as feeling like you're betraying the church by attending a different one...WOW, I know that feeling all too well! As most people know on here, we have been wanting to change churches, but have an unusual close tie with our church...especially with the senior pastor living next door to us.
There was one Sunday that I attended a different church (another Baptist church)...I mainly went because my daughter and her boyfriend were going as well, however, I have been frequenting this church about once a month or so. When asked where I was, my husband told them the truth. Later that day, I got an email from the asst. pastor's wife telling me how sad she was that I went elsewhere and told me why that church is "wrong" etc.
Anyway, every Sunday that I now decide to go to this other church, I always feel this sense of "betrayal". But then I think "WHY should I feel like I am betraying them?" Isn't church supposed to be about being fed and going where God is? Shouldn't I be more concerned about my own spiritual health, well being and growth? If we're all supposed to be the "body of Christ", WHY should we feel guilty for attending another place of worship?
I know that the decision you have made is not an easy one, but your loyalties need to be with God, not the church that you have anguish over. Pray and just ask God to give you peace about your decision.
I don't always follow your doctrinal beliefs but I don't for a minute think you were wrong for telling the deacon why you left. You should feel free practice your belief where you feel welcomed and where your beliefs coincide with what a particular church believes. If you don't do that then you are just betraying yourself.
Mams, the Deacon asked you a question, you answered truthfully as you should..That does not make you a betrayer. Have you looked at the situation about you leaving the church from a different angle Have you ever wondered if maybe God is making this move for you? I am a staunch believer that God will put his good and faithful servants where there is the most need for them..You are a great teacher..Maybe it is time that you were teaching some of His other children? I think that many times if we look about us we will see that God has answered our prayers, and we just didn't notice..Maybe you should just involve yourself in this new church and pray for guidance there..
Hope you won't be offended by a short post, but a couple of thoughts is all I have on this.
1-This man was a deacon. Not like you were out gossiping about your church. Plus, like mentioned above, you were asked. And I think the leadership needs to hear an honest answer.
2-If any other member asks you, I would tell them "I have some differences in what the church believes, so I need to leave". Now, if this were something like a disagreement on carpet color, then I'd keep my mouth shut. But this is, IMO, is pretty serious. I don't know what the other issues are, but I know your beliefs are grounded in the Word. Truth is Truth.
3-Based on what you've shared, I think the time to leave was probably sooner than now, so I think you're good there.
Bottom line, I think we(at least I) know you well enough to know that you genuinely seek the Lord and His will. As such, I've always felt you kinda had a special sensitivity to the Spirit's working in your life. He'll let you know when to open your mouth and when to keep it closed....and for all miscommunication between you and the Spirit...praise God for Grace!
People are the most useful in a church when they feel as if they "fit" in with the others. It may be doctrine, or the personality of the pastor. It's important that a person feel comfortable with the place they choose to serve.
I think being honest about this was the best thing. I don't agree with your stand on creation, but that's not what is important here. What is important is that you go where you feel you can serve the best.
I think you have done the correct thing. Honesty is always the best way to go. Honesty is not only words, but actions.
Thanks to each and every one of you who posted so far. In a way you have reaffirmed what I believed the Lord was leading me to do. I know... shouldn't second guess the Holy Spirit
See, I view betrayal in one respect as going against another's confidence. I mean, I was given a certain amount of trust at my former church and it feels by speaking out, even to a deacon, I've betrayed or violated that trust. I know, don't go on feelings, they can be misleading. I don't know why it's bothering me so much.
I'm also a bit worried that it'll appear I'm spreading gossip (when I'm not) or that I'm trying to smear them in some respect. We all know how the rumor mill can run at high gear. They're a bigger church (~1,200) so not many there knew me on a personal level, so there's more room for error shall we say, or possiblity for spin from the leadership.
One other question... how do I or even should I deal with the betrayal I feel because of the treatment I received from the assoc. pastor? Yes, I've prayed about it, but do I let him know how badly it affected me or do I just let it go?
You could talk to the pastor you know the best at the first church and kindly explain your situation. You can say "Look I'm not hear to cause ripples.. but something has been on my mind and I've already had one person ask me where I've been. I feel as though our beliefs are different. I thought this church believed something that coincided with my beliefs. I feel let down from that standpoint. However, I'm not going to raise a stink about it. I just wanted to tell you my side of the story and why I feel like I need some reflection at a new church. I wanted to tell you because I trust you and I didn't want you to think it had anything to do with you personally."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As most people know on here, we have been wanting to change churches, but have an unusual close tie with our church...especially with the senior pastor living next door to us. 
Have you ever wondered if maybe God is making this move for you? I am a staunch believer that God will put his good and faithful servants where there is the most need for them..You are a great teacher..Maybe it is time that you were teaching some of His other children? I think that many times if we look about us we will see that God has answered our prayers, and we just didn't notice..Maybe you should just involve yourself in this new church and pray for guidance there..
