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Well, now....let's see if I can remember one of those rare occasions...... I pretty much say to myself that it's not really a kind way of expressing my disagreement or problem with the incident to which I am responding. Good question, I think my initial response is sort of dissipated in trying to figure out what needs to be said in a way that is actually kind, with concern for the well-being of the person who pushed my button, if you will. Part of that has to be remembering that it IS MY "button,' and not necessarily something done or said to hurt me. So, good analysis.
Yeah! That's exactly what I'm trying to get at. How do we get rid of those buttons for good? Or can we?
Some examples:
Say somebody implies, or flat out says, that I'm stupid and that's a big trigger for me for whatever reason. I can keep myself from being unloving by willfully not acting on the feelings it triggers, but unless I do something more than that, the "button" is still going to be there the next time somebody says the same thing.
Or say I have issues surrounding fear of poverty, and every time I'm in a position to be generous with someone else, that fear gets triggered and I have to fight through it in order to actually accept the opportunity to help someone out. If I don't get to the bottom of the fear, every time is going to be a struggle.
To me, to gain that "new life/new man" should mean that our loving behavior becomes more and more a natural reaction, rather than something we have to fight through all these triggers to access. Would you agree?
Have you (anybody, not just Nate) found a way to deactivate (heal) any of your buttons, or do you believe it is just our fate to have to keep fighting through the same triggers time and time again?
Thanks for your thoughts Heartsong.
Thanks Mystic. I tend to think so, too. If I may ask, in your experience, what has aided you in doing this?
It is not easy, especially for those things that impinge on our self-concept or self-esteem. Negative thoughts and self-talk are legion within most of us . . . but self-questioning and introspection about our motives behind those thoughts is not. Brutal self-honesty is essential to ferreting out the underlying experiences and history through which we acquired those usually self-protective motives. I'm afraid there is no magic bullet to make it easier, Pleroo.
It is not easy, especially for those things that impinge on our self-concept or self-esteem. Negative thoughts and self-talk are legion within most of us . . . but self-questioning and introspection about our motives behind those thoughts is not. Brutal self-honesty is essential to ferreting out the underlying experiences and history through which we acquired those usually self-protective motives. I'm afraid there is no magic bullet to make it easier, Pleroo.
I hear ya, Mystic. I don't think I'm looking for "easier" ... just "effective". I can navel gaze until my eyes glaze over; I can isolate the negative self-talk and recognize it for what it is. But there has to be a step beyond that or all it is is head knowledge, right?
If a gun was placed at your head and you were told to renounce God or Jesus would you do that ?_____
If you, like Job and Jesus, placed your confidence in God then you would choose, if necessary, to die for God.
We would loose out on this temporary life, but would gain permanent everlasting life.
For some [ Rev. 20 v 6 ] a life in heaven, or for the majority of mankind [ John 3 v 16 ] future life forever on earth.
-Acts 24 v 15; Psalm 37 vs 11, 29
My experience has been a loss of some relationships, but new relationships gained.
It is not easy, especially for those things that impinge on our self-concept or self-esteem. Negative thoughts and self-talk are legion within most of us . . . but self-questioning and introspection about our motives behind those thoughts is not. Brutal self-honesty is essential to ferreting out the underlying experiences and history through which we acquired those usually self-protective motives. I'm afraid there is no magic bullet to make it easier, Pleroo.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleroo
I hear ya, Mystic. I don't think I'm looking for "easier" ... just "effective". I can navel gaze until my eyes glaze over; I can isolate the negative self-talk and recognize it for what it is. But there has to be a step beyond that or all it is is head knowledge, right?
This may sound crazy . . . but I have found that talking to myself in the mirror and saying the opposite (even or especially IF it is currently not thought to be true) . . . results in a movement toward it becoming true. It becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy.
I was imagining that scenario last night as I was drifting off to sleep. I figure if I got beyond the immediate instinctual survival-based "fight or flight responses", knowing me, I'd probably question the poor gunman to death. "Why do you want me to renounce God? What would that do for you? What would you gain by someone else renouncing God? Would it have any bearing on the truth of God's existence, one way or another? How?" And, I'd really want to know, lol.
The Ten Commandments of How to Get Along with People By Ann Landers:
Keep skid chains on your tongue; always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice.
How you say it counts more than what you say.
Make promises sparingly, and keep them faithfully, no matter what it costs.
Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind and encouraging word to or about somebody. Praise good work, regardless of who did it.
If criticism is needed, criticize helpfully, never spitefully.
Be interested in others, their pursuits, their work, their homes and families. Make merry with those who rejoice; with those who weep, mourn.
Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel that you regard him as a person of importance.
Be cheerful. Don't burden or depress those around you by dwelling on your minor aches and pains and small disappointments.
Remember, everyone is carrying some kind of a load.
Keep an open mind. Discuss but don't argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to be able to disagree without being disagreeable.
Let your virtues, if you have any, speak for themselves. Refuse to talk of another's vices.
Discourage gossip. It is a waste of valuable time and can be extremely destructive.
Be careful of another's feelings. Wit and humor at the other person's expense are rarely worth it and may hurt when least expected.
Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Remember, the person who carried the message may not be the most accurate reporter in the world.
Simply live so that nobody will believe them. Disordered nerves and bad digestion are a common cause of backbiting.
Don't be too anxious about the credit due you. Do your best, and be patient.
Forget about yourself, and let others "remember."
I was imagining that scenario last night as I was drifting off to sleep. I figure if I got beyond the immediate instinctual survival-based "fight or flight responses", knowing me, I'd probably question the poor gunman to death. "Why do you want me to renounce God? What would that do for you? What would you gain by someone else renouncing God? Would it have any bearing on the truth of God's existence, one way or another? How?" And, I'd really want to know, lol.
Not exactly what I had in mind, but it just might work: "Please, take the gun!"LL
This may sound crazy . . . but I have found that talking to myself in the mirror and saying the opposite (even or especially IF it is currently not thought to be true) . . . results in a movement toward it becoming true. It becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy.
No, not crazy in my book. Learning the art of positive self-talk (speaking the truth to myself in love ) was literally a life-saver for me, so I think it's a vital tool/weapon (Eph 6 comes to mind ). But, as valuable as it is, I'm not sure it actually heals the problem, as much as it allows us to handle it ... and might even only mask the problem and prevent healing if we rely on it alone. Know what I mean?
There's a school of thought that says we need to be humble to, and have a desire to, fully experience our negative emotions (without acting on them in any unloving way) in order to release them. I'm not sure I agree, but that's why I'm picking the brains of my CD friends.
The thought behind this, as I understand it, is that Love is an emotion, and for us to fully experience God/Love in a transformative way, we need to be willing to experience ALL emotions. To the degree we're blocking our negative emotions, to the same degree we will block Love.
Not exactly what I had in mind, but it just might work: "Please, take the gun!"LL
ha! Exactly.
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) was literally a life-saver for me, so I think it's a vital tool/weapon (Eph 6 comes to mind 
