Quote:
Originally Posted by jennsully06
I'll try to start from the beginning. My maternal grandmother of 85 years left this world on April 22,2017 in central Illinois. She passed due to complications from alzheimers. I was on my drive home to southern, il parked at a caseys in lebanon, il and my 16 year old daughter was inside the store, the radio was on not very loudly. I heard plain as day audible to my ears a female voice say into my left ear area "What can I help you with?" It startled me. I waited for my daughter to return to her car and asked her if her bluetooth ever asks that question after idling for so long? She said it didn't and she showed me which button was the bluetooth and i pushed it and it wasn't the same voice..it was a robotic voice coming from the car. Determined to find out if i was going insane i walked into the caseys and asked them if they asked that question over the loud speaker to a feuler and they assured me that they hadn't used the microphone in over twenty minutes and i wasn't parked by the pumps. I went to the bathroom and walked out to the car and a church pamphlet blew up to my feet. I picked it up and took it home with me. I dusted my bible off and looked up every verse and psalm listed on the church pamphlet. They all had a similar theme. Which i discerned to believe it was telling me to forgive my enemies as God forgives me, kinda thing, and some mentioned believers hearing Gods word. I was saved over 10 years earlier but never really went to church every sunday. I believe in God and have faith that he exists and heaven and hell are real. In my younger years i fought hard with the belief God truly existed based on faith alone and wanted some sort of proof i guess...I am 39 year old female married with 3 daughters. I haven't brought my younger kids to church at all..i'm ashamed to say they don't know who God is..I believe that an angel or God spoke to me in my time of need. I'm not sure what the message is but i'm certain i have to figure it out. I prayed a lot for my gramma b4 she passed and she passed at home surrounded by family. I'm a registered nurse and i gave her the final dose of morphine and in the clinical setting it never bothered me..but i felt like i was playing God in her home even tho we had the meds there to give and she was on hospice, I had a falling out with my family over the past 5 years and haven't visited often. I came to central, IL to give my brother sister mother and father a break from caring for her. My middle daughter was on spring break. Gramma knew who I was but the disease had changed her. Sadly i felt like the angel of death because on my last day she went unconscious on the commode and we thought she passed after a minute she took a deep breath and we put her in bed, Her condition was declining. I had to go to a dr appmnt in my home town that friday, so i left that morning. Gramma had her eyes open and I asked her if she was tired and she shook her head up and down and i asked her if she was ready to go home and she shook her head up and down. I asked her if she was afraid she shook her head no. i told her to close her eyes and let go and go home if she was ready. She never really regained consciousness after that day. I returned with my 16 year old the next morning because my sister was her POA and also an RN and my mom a retired RN and my younger sis an RN.. a family of healers you might say. i had said my goodbyes the day before but my 16 yo hadn't so we took the 2 1/2 hour drive north to her home where she passed at 9pm on saturday april 22, 2017. When we arrived all the family was there i announced myself to gma and she squeezed my hand, I knew she could hear me. I was in nurse mode and took over giving her morphine and ativan and scopemaline for secretions. The last dose i gave about 10 minutes b4 she passed. I told her to go home to gpa and we would see her soon. I wasn't in the room when they announced she hadn't taken a breath in over 2 minutes. they came and got me..i had the most experience in long term care or work with hospice or elderly..i listened at the apex of her heart and heard a muffled light beat and they confirmed she hadn't taken a breath in over 2 minutes i listened again and it was gone.Why was i so conflicted? i didn't do anything illegal, but felt shame like i was playing God that day? I've never been the nurse to shy away from giving my patient comfort in their time of need and giving the final dose that you know will probably be their last, I felt serenity in the clinical setting as if i was a healer helping others to be as pain free as possible as they past from this world to the next. Why was i feeling shame in helping my own grandmother? Has anyone else had a female voice ask them a question out loud and u know it was a divine being speaking to you? I am convinced now I have.. it has brought me back to my bible and the feeling like maybe God was just wanting me to give my burdens to him? Idk. I pray often but not enough, but feel like i'm now at a crossroads with my spirituality? I know in my heart that I want my husband and children to be saved and spend eternity with me in heaven and I believe this is the journey to begin this process, I have to find a church because i'm not smart enough to teach my family about all they need to know to make the decision to accept Jesus as their savuoir. My gma was the one who used to take me to church as a child ironically,,I am from a baptist background. Please fill free to analyze this situation and ask me questions and i will answer to the best of my ability. Anyone else heard a divine female voice ask a question so simple?? Could it be this simple? Give it to God? Confused and humbled in southern, IL. Hope this wasn't confusing..Just wanting some guidance.
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It wouldn't matter if you found a female speaking, and somehow you overheard it, God has funny ways in making himself known to people. Things you can't really have analyzed by people, but things that YOU KNOW, that you know that you know it was a communication to say,'' Yeah, I am here.''
His entire message is about forgiveness, forgive others so you will be forgiven, with me, it's almost every day that I notice God communicating with me, maybe not a voice, but God does have a sense of humor, and when you are feeling conviction or that maybe you think there is no hope, suddenly God has a way of springing up to say,'' Her, I am not finished with you, Nay, we have just begun.''
But then I always think God is finished we me like a little whiney baby, but he always gives me a heads up.
Sometimes I hear a few words on the radio, be waling in the house and hear one word from somebody, and then go into the house where the tv finishes a sentence, lol.
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