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I watched as one of my great grand sons, lay on the floor drawing on a sheet of Paper. When I asked him what he was drawing, he said that it was a picture of God, but I said to him, "You can't draw a picture of God, because nobody knows what God looks like, then he looked up at me and said, "Yea, I know that, but they will when I finish my picture."
A young Jewish lad with who I worked, who had a nose that no body could deny was Jewish, was married with two kids and living in a one bedroom unit.
So I advised him to go to the office of the Government Housing commission, and when he returned he told me that they had put him on a 5 year waiting list, and when I asked him if he had put 'Jewish' as the answer to the question of what religion he belonged to, he said that he had.
I then told him to go back to a different counter and this time, to say that he was a Christian, which he did.
But the young office girl, looking at his snout, said to him, "If you are a Christian, then tell me who our savior is?"
Jesus Christ is our savior replied the young fellow.
Ahh! But where was he born asked the girl.
He was born in Bethlehem of Judaea, said the youth.
Yes he was said the girl, but where in Bethlehem was he born?
In a stable of an inn he replied.
And why was he born in a stable asked the girl.
Because his parents were Jewish said the young fellow and they wouldn't give them a bloody housing commission house.
My dear old mum she loved the church
She’d be there each day of the week
Pottering around in the garden
Keeping the church and alter all neat
She put vases of flowers everywhere
God she was a bloody gem
But the priest who run the show down there
I weren’t real keen on him
Bloody parasites if you ask me
But that’s the opinion of only one man
Yet once they know that you’re devoted
They’ll use you for all they can
Anyway, somehow he must have discovered
That painting was me trade
And that little church was shabby mate
Needed a paint job really bad
So he got into me mothers ear
And she put the pressure on
The slimy little bugger
Knew I couldn’t refuse me mum
He had me by the short and curlies
Knew I had to do the job
And do the bloody thing for nothing
I wouldn’t get a bob
So I turned up with me paint pot
Me compressor and all me gear
And I asked him if he had the paint
He said, “Yeah, it’s over here”
Two gallons was all he flamin’ had
Gettin’ nothin’ outta me
So I took that little bit of paint
And thinned it down to buggery
A gallon of thinners to a gallon of paint
And that’s how I threw it on
The job looked nice and shiny
But she weren’t gonna last to long
And a couple of months down the track
One morning I’m laying there
And I hears this commotion outside me house
You ever heard them priests when they swear?
Well, he was standing outside abusing me
You could tell he weren’t no saint
And his words still echo thru me head
REPAINT YOU THINNER, REPAINT!...……..The Anointed
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”
“He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny responded: “Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”
Billy had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."
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