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Last year I started to seriously get closer to God and became more serious with my walk in Christianity.
I have been single for a very long time and haven't dated in years, and I find myself getting questioned about this recently out of the blue..from both a few friends but from strangers as well. (They mostly just want to know why I won't date and without going 'too' into it...I just don't have an interest right now as my biggest desire at this point in time is to focus on God's purpose for my life which I am still trying to figure out and desperately want to fulfill. I really just don't think about dating much anymore and don't find myself in a place where I'm ready to date and don't even know 'how' to date at this point in my life considering how much has changed for me mentally.)
Anyways, I have had a few men (MUCH younger in age than me for some reason) approach me recently asking for my number. I want to be polite to people but a few have been very (overly so) persistent despite multiple 'no thank you's', explaining I'm sure they're nice people but I haven't dated in a while and am 'not' interested in dating anyone in the near future, etc.
Can you please share your examples of how you typically turn someone down? When I was younger, if I were more blunt in my response I would often encounter extreme rudeness, sometimes even verbal attacks, etc. I'm trying to think about how a Christian would approach these situations when a man is being very persistent and you want to decline the advance nicely but it doesn't seem to work. I did something I hadn't done in a lonnnnnng time recently and even gave one my number because after a half hour of his persistence I just wanted the conversation and the 'pushing' to end.
I also have a male friend who recently came back into my life..we dated in college, lost touch for many years, now almost 20 years later we reconnected. Problem is, we had been spending a bit of time together (mainly just outings hiking and eating out) and then I realized he seemed to be asking me out every weekend and I wasn't comfortable with it as I explained to him everything I mentioned above. I made it clear I only wanted to be friends and he agreed that he could do so. Then here comes the following drama - it turns out he's married. He told me that he was divorced when he first reached out to me but it turns out he wasn't being completely honest and is (supposedly) just in the process of starting his divorce. I got a text from him earlier this week saying he "Owes me a drink"...for what, I don't even know but I took it as an invitation to go out drinking with him. Now, I have told him multiple multiple times I do not drink anymore and am not interested in drinking and he even apologized once for offering me a drink but now we're back to him offering to take me out for a drink again. I get a text from him today stating "Why don't you roll through tonight and watch movies with me?". I don't know if I'm being too nice or what but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm repeating myself with people about the 'no dating' thing. I don't want to start doing the immature thing of ghosting people and/or ignoring them or being so 'short' with people that I come off as rude but I could use some insight on the Christian approach to these types of situations.
Hi, I find that you are a ridiculously alluring woman, I hate to say it because I havent had interest in dating for 15 years, but you kindly put me on my side peering at you with crossed eyes and I swear, I dont know what has come over me because, ever since you, I look at life different, damn my eyes.
Well, just grinning at you, I know how it is with being hounded, I get tired of turning women down, they dont get it, i just wanna be alone.
Last edited by Hannibal Flavius; 10-29-2021 at 03:07 PM..
Or she could simply tell them that she is focused on working on her relationship with G-d...Or she could offer to tell them about Jesus, that would probably shut them down and drive them away without her being rude or hurting their feelings...
I fully support this idea. The people who continue to ask you have no consideration of boundaries and soft disagreements. You turn down the first offer, a 2nd is proposed. And then...
"I fear if you would press against my saying 'no' here, my declining a future invitation would get an equal response, and I would completely lose respect for you. Please accept my answer for what it is and let's change the subject."
If it comes up a third time, I'd hold up three fingers, gather my belongings and walk away. You owe no one an apology for their lack of respect, not listening, and callous disregard. They set themselves up for the disappointment, not you.
FWIW, I have told people I was monastic. That always ended well for me, frustrating for them. There is no arguing with a priest. And the dichotomy from that point became even more stark, until they simply walked away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
"I appreciate the offer but I'm not dating right now."
For the married guy who reached out to you - same thing but I'd add "I don't like that you weren't honest with me from the start either. Please don't contact me again."
Last year I started to seriously get closer to God and became more serious with my walk in Christianity.
I have been single for a very long time and haven't dated in years, and I find myself getting questioned about this recently out of the blue..from both a few friends but from strangers as well. (They mostly just want to know why I won't date and without going 'too' into it...I just don't have an interest right now as my biggest desire at this point in time is to focus on God's purpose for my life which I am still trying to figure out and desperately want to fulfill. I really just don't think about dating much anymore and don't find myself in a place where I'm ready to date and don't even know 'how' to date at this point in my life considering how much has changed for me mentally.)
Anyways, I have had a few men (MUCH younger in age than me for some reason) approach me recently asking for my number. I want to be polite to people but a few have been very (overly so) persistent despite multiple 'no thank you's', explaining I'm sure they're nice people but I haven't dated in a while and am 'not' interested in dating anyone in the near future, etc.
Can you please share your examples of how you typically turn someone down? When I was younger, if I were more blunt in my response I would often encounter extreme rudeness, sometimes even verbal attacks, etc. I'm trying to think about how a Christian would approach these situations when a man is being very persistent and you want to decline the advance nicely but it doesn't seem to work. I did something I hadn't done in a lonnnnnng time recently and even gave one my number because after a half hour of his persistence I just wanted the conversation and the 'pushing' to end.
I also have a male friend who recently came back into my life..we dated in college, lost touch for many years, now almost 20 years later we reconnected. Problem is, we had been spending a bit of time together (mainly just outings hiking and eating out) and then I realized he seemed to be asking me out every weekend and I wasn't comfortable with it as I explained to him everything I mentioned above. I made it clear I only wanted to be friends and he agreed that he could do so. Then here comes the following drama - it turns out he's married. He told me that he was divorced when he first reached out to me but it turns out he wasn't being completely honest and is (supposedly) just in the process of starting his divorce. I got a text from him earlier this week saying he "Owes me a drink"...for what, I don't even know but I took it as an invitation to go out drinking with him. Now, I have told him multiple multiple times I do not drink anymore and am not interested in drinking and he even apologized once for offering me a drink but now we're back to him offering to take me out for a drink again. I get a text from him today stating "Why don't you roll through tonight and watch movies with me?". I don't know if I'm being too nice or what but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm repeating myself with people about the 'no dating' thing. I don't want to start doing the immature thing of ghosting people and/or ignoring them or being so 'short' with people that I come off as rude but I could use some insight on the Christian approach to these types of situations.
This is such a strange post. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you're not assertive when it comes to your personal space. If anything it requires honesty, not game playing.
You simply say, "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested in you in that way," followed by, "I really need you to leave me alone," if they are persistent. And if they're married, how about, "If you call me again, I'm calling your wife." How hard can this be?
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He told me that he was divorced when he first reached out to me but it turns out he wasn't being completely honest and is (supposedly) just in the process of starting his divorce. I got a text from him earlier this week saying he "Owes me a drink"...for what, I don't even know but I took it as an invitation to go out drinking with him. Now, I have told him multiple multiple times I do not drink anymore and am not interested in drinking and he even apologized once for offering me a drink but now we're back to him offering to take me out for a drink again. I get a text from him today stating "Why don't you roll through tonight and watch movies with me?". I don't know if I'm being too nice or what but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm repeating myself with people about the 'no dating' thing. I don't want to start doing the immature thing of ghosting people and/or ignoring them or being so 'short' with people that I come off as rude but I could use some insight on the Christian approach to these types of situations. 
