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Last year I started to seriously get closer to God and became more serious with my walk in Christianity.
I have been single for a very long time and haven't dated in years, and I find myself getting questioned about this recently out of the blue..from both a few friends but from strangers as well. (They mostly just want to know why I won't date and without going 'too' into it...I just don't have an interest right now as my biggest desire at this point in time is to focus on God's purpose for my life which I am still trying to figure out and desperately want to fulfill. I really just don't think about dating much anymore and don't find myself in a place where I'm ready to date and don't even know 'how' to date at this point in my life considering how much has changed for me mentally.)
Anyways, I have had a few men (MUCH younger in age than me for some reason) approach me recently asking for my number. I want to be polite to people but a few have been very (overly so) persistent despite multiple 'no thank you's', explaining I'm sure they're nice people but I haven't dated in a while and am 'not' interested in dating anyone in the near future, etc.
Can you please share your examples of how you typically turn someone down? When I was younger, if I were more blunt in my response I would often encounter extreme rudeness, sometimes even verbal attacks, etc. I'm trying to think about how a Christian would approach these situations when a man is being very persistent and you want to decline the advance nicely but it doesn't seem to work. I did something I hadn't done in a lonnnnnng time recently and even gave one my number because after a half hour of his persistence I just wanted the conversation and the 'pushing' to end.
I also have a male friend who recently came back into my life..we dated in college, lost touch for many years, now almost 20 years later we reconnected. Problem is, we had been spending a bit of time together (mainly just outings hiking and eating out) and then I realized he seemed to be asking me out every weekend and I wasn't comfortable with it as I explained to him everything I mentioned above. I made it clear I only wanted to be friends and he agreed that he could do so. Then here comes the following drama - it turns out he's married. He told me that he was divorced when he first reached out to me but it turns out he wasn't being completely honest and is (supposedly) just in the process of starting his divorce. I got a text from him earlier this week saying he "Owes me a drink"...for what, I don't even know but I took it as an invitation to go out drinking with him. Now, I have told him multiple multiple times I do not drink anymore and am not interested in drinking and he even apologized once for offering me a drink but now we're back to him offering to take me out for a drink again. I get a text from him today stating "Why don't you roll through tonight and watch movies with me?". I don't know if I'm being too nice or what but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm repeating myself with people about the 'no dating' thing. I don't want to start doing the immature thing of ghosting people and/or ignoring them or being so 'short' with people that I come off as rude but I could use some insight on the Christian approach to these types of situations.
I don't know that there's a 'Christian' way of handling it. Sometimes you have to be rude if being 'nice' doesn't work with persistent people. Jesus wasn't always nice. You shouldn't have to put up with people who won't take 'no' for an answer. And you shouldn't feel bad about being rude if the situation calls for it. That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.
I don't know that there's a 'Christian' way of handling it. Sometimes you have to be rude if being 'nice' doesn't work with persistent people. Jesus wasn't always nice. You shouldn't have to put up with people who won't take 'no' for an answer. And you shouldn't feel bad about being rude if the situation calls for it. That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.
I have a friend that's in a similar situation - she's in her mid 30s and is very patient in finding a believer and someone that fits who she is. Non-believers are a definite no for her. The difference between you and her is that she has no problem shutting someone down verbally in a black female way - if they don't fit the profile. She doesn't curse them out or anything, but is very direct and quick with her words.
<snip>I don't know if I'm being too nice or what but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm repeating myself with people about the 'no dating' thing. I don't want to start doing the immature thing of ghosting people and/or ignoring them or being so 'short' with people that I come off as rude but I could use some insight on the Christian approach to these types of situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Way
I don't know that there's a 'Christian' way of handling it. Sometimes you have to be rude if being 'nice' doesn't work with persistent people. Jesus wasn't always nice. You shouldn't have to put up with people who won't take 'no' for an answer. And you shouldn't feel bad about being rude if the situation calls for it. That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.
Find what works for you, honesty with yourself and others goes a long way, is it maybe that you are so focused on trying not to hurt people’s feelings and haven’t actually got the message across?
sometimes being blunt is the best way to be, it’s not about being nasty or rude, just say it as it is
And if they don’t or can’t appreciate your perspective you don’t really need to hang out with them
Find what works for you, honesty with yourself and others goes a long way, is it maybe that you are so focused on trying not to hurt people’s feelings and haven’t actually got the message across?
sometimes being blunt is the best way to be, it’s not about being nasty or rude, just say it as it is
And if they don’t or can’t appreciate your perspective you don’t really need to hang out with them
Although I personally think I'm getting the message across, I do admit that maybe that is what's happening.
I have a friend that's in a similar situation - she's in her mid 30s and is very patient in finding a believer and someone that fits who she is. Non-believers are a definite no for her. The difference between you and her is that she has no problem shutting someone down verbally in a black female way - if they don't fit the profile. She doesn't curse them out or anything, but is very direct and quick with her words.
Ha..it sounds like the 'old me' used to be a ruder version of her.
I think now I'm on the totally opposite end of the spectrum - so concerned about not hurting the other person's feelings but now even moreso concerned with just simply not being mean. It does seem that I need to find balance with my words.
I did just respond to my 'friend' declining his invite to hang out stating no thank you as it seems he's looking for something I simply cannot and am not interested in providing.
Although I personally think I'm getting the message across, I do admit that maybe that is what's happening.
This is just a thought
Sometimes there can be mixed messages
You want to be nice and friendly and that can be interpreted as interest even though you say ‘no’ and that is when you need to make sure you are blunt about your lack of interest in more than it being social/acquaintance
Ha..it sounds like the 'old me' used to be a ruder version of her.
I think now I'm on the totally opposite end of the spectrum - so concerned about not hurting the other person's feelings but now even moreso concerned with just simply not being mean. It does seem that I need to find balance with my words.
I did just respond to my 'friend' declining his invite to hang out stating no thank you as it seems he's looking for something I simply cannot and am not interested in providing.
Acting "nice" is a sign that there's still a chance you'll say yes.
You need to be absolutely clear that you don't ever want to date them and that they should stop asking.
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He told me that he was divorced when he first reached out to me but it turns out he wasn't being completely honest and is (supposedly) just in the process of starting his divorce. I got a text from him earlier this week saying he "Owes me a drink"...for what, I don't even know but I took it as an invitation to go out drinking with him. Now, I have told him multiple multiple times I do not drink anymore and am not interested in drinking and he even apologized once for offering me a drink but now we're back to him offering to take me out for a drink again. I get a text from him today stating "Why don't you roll through tonight and watch movies with me?". I don't know if I'm being too nice or what but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm repeating myself with people about the 'no dating' thing. I don't want to start doing the immature thing of ghosting people and/or ignoring them or being so 'short' with people that I come off as rude but I could use some insight on the Christian approach to these types of situations. 
