Meeting Eligible Singles without the bars (credit, houses, dangerous)

[SingleCincyGuy]

It seems like the only places to meet eligible singles is in a bar. I gave up the bar scene years ago, along with drinking and smoking. Bars were fine for fun, but I never expected to met someone I would want to spend more than a few hours with. So where do you go to meet women over 40 who are not into drugs, booze, smoking, or casual hookups?

[Wilson513]

Originally Posted by SingleCincyGuy

It seems like the only places to meet eligible singles is in a bar. I gave up the bar scene years ago, along with drinking and smoking. Bars were fine for fun, but I never expected to met someone I would want to spend more than a few hours with. So where do you go to meet women over 40 who are not into drugs, booze, smoking, or casual hookups?

Make five new MALE friends. If you're really single, unattached and emotionally available, and not too horrible, that will take care of things. They will all have wives and girlfriends and sisters who will be dying to fix you up. Women over 40, unless they look like Sharon Stone have no kids and are well fixed for $$, are pretty grateful to find a guy who is not insane, has a job, and doesn't drink or smoke. And, in that age bracket, their first question is not usually "do you plan to have kids?"

PS, "eligible" singles are not found in bars. Bar people are found in bars. They may say they are eligible, but, at the end of the day, they like the bar more than they want a relationship.

[gman5431]

Originally Posted by wilson1010

Make five new MALE friends. If you're really single, unattached and emotionally available, and not too horrible, that will take care of things. They will all have wives and girlfriends and sisters who will be dying to fix you up. Women over 40, unless they look like Sharon Stone have no kids and are well fixed for $$, are pretty grateful to find a guy who is not insane, has a job, and doesn't drink or smoke. And, in that age bracket, their first question is not usually "do you plan to have kids?"

PS, "eligible" singles are not found in bars. Bar people are found in bars. They may say they are eligible, but, at the end of the day, they like the bar more than they want a relationship.

This is one of the best posts ive ever read. Very true.

G Man

[wastina]

Um.... why not try THE GYM? Women go there, too (and are less likely to drink and smoke).

[Wilson513]

Originally Posted by wastina

Um.... why not try THE GYM? Women go there, too (and are less likely to drink and smoke).

Well, wastine, the reason is that 99% of all women at the gym feel vulnerable. They are looking their worst or at least think they do and are in what is traditionally men's territory. And, the gym is always populated by buff guys in their 20's. Our 40 plus (maybe 50 plus) male OP might not compare all that favorably to the regulars at a gym. There is bad chemistry all over that gym plan. Church groups, civic activities, sports groups, all have promise. But the best way is to have the women hook you up. they all want to be matchmakers and all you have to do is give them their chance. Trust me on this. I made over 40 dating a full time job.

[TurquoiseHexagonSun]

The gym would seem like an ideal place but it's not.

[Cincy-Rise]

Originally Posted by wilson1010

Make five new MALE friends. If you're really single, unattached and emotionally available, and not too horrible, that will take care of things. They will all have wives and girlfriends and sisters who will be dying to fix you up. Women over 40, unless they look like Sharon Stone have no kids and are well fixed for $$, are pretty grateful to find a guy who is not insane, has a job, and doesn't drink or smoke. And, in that age bracket, their first question is not usually "do you plan to have kids?"

PS, "eligible" singles are not found in bars. Bar people are found in bars. They may say they are eligible, but, at the end of the day, they like the bar more than they want a relationship.

What he said ...


Hell, I'm part of that late 20-early 30'ish crowd and older women always come on to me. Where there is a will, there's a way!

This may sound corny, but try going to Tri-Cty/KTC/EG mall as well and just walk around. Look inconspicuous, but just stay open, alert, and very sociable. Try this out at a local Joseph-Beth/B&N Bookstore & Coffee Shops too. I'm always at the Starbucks Downtown on 4th & Vine St. into the evenings and it seems that I am always randomly meeting people here.

The formula is simple, it's cozy, coffee/books/shopping all attract a specific type of personality trait ... and last but not least, it forces people to sit close to each other (well, aside from the mall).

[SingleCincyGuy]

All of you have excellent replies, thank you. It just takes patience and perseverance.

[Ohioan58]

The "multiple wing man" approach is a good one.

Don't be too fast to completely discredit bars, though. There's this generalization about "bar people" that is only partially true and only for specific individuals. You just don't know. I have worked around drunks and (dangerous, aggressive) cokeheads in a "professional" IT environment. Then run into responsible and sobre business owners and professional women in nightclubs. Not that the environment is the best or most conducive for initiating a friendship, but at least it's understood why people are there - to socialize and to be said "hello" to.

The advice to cruise malls, book stores, coffee shops, etc sounds reasonable, but it takes a lot of balls to initiate signals in a public environment like that and I have never done well at that. In fact I don't personally know anyone who has, either. What I've found is that most people (esp. women) are defensive about random contacts in a public setting where they don't really expect it. And my experience in this is over 10 years old. I'd say in today's uptight climate you want to be extremely selective about this. I see this as the lowest possible probability for meeting someone.

If I were single I would definitely explore Meetup groups, too. That would have the right dynamic of "just cruising through to see what it's all about" with no commitment, but you get to meet people, too.

[ilovehouses]

Well, I met my boyfriend in a bar! I went by myself to have a beer and play video suduku. Found love... but I totally understand that's not the ideal or the norm. How about coffee/tea houses? Start a book club if you are into books. Start a co-ed bowling league night with some friends. Tell them to bring their single friends!