Can someone please recommend me a better US city? (having a hard time in San Francisco socially) (living, best)

[RabiSankor]

So I am a male in his mid 20s living in San Francisco. The cost of living is extremely high but the place is indeed safer than other cities I have lived and grown up in. Now I consider myself an America but due to facial features and other characteristics, people can clearly see I am Indian. Having grown up in the US, I have an American accent, am Christian, and eat a mostly American diet.

To me, the idea of dating an Indian girl is too much, there are too many cultural limitations, I have to give up my diet to respect her religion, and I am naturally more attracted to other races. Unfortunately, being what I am ethnically has held me back a lot in San Francisco.

Lets put it this way, I have met over 100 Indian guys and have never seen one, NOT ONE, with a girlfriend or wife that wasn't Indian. I have tried to chat it up with women at bars and such but most have said that they do not see Indian men in that light and some even say "don't your parents handle the marriage part for you". Also, compared to women in other states, in terms of looks women here aren't as attractive either.

Mostly, my heritage and background, when women have found out about it, has hurt me. Don't know what Indian people did to this place but women here steer clear of Indian guys. When I was in Texas and even North Carolina, most people did not even know that much about my culture and a lot were interested in it.

I am a big city person, I would love to move away from San Francisco (for a few other reasons), can anyone tell me in which big city my prospects would be great?

Do Indian men have a good reputation in NYC, Los Angeles, and Chicago?

[EclecticEars]

I'm not Indian; in fact, I'm white bread. However, I find San Francisco to be the least tolerant place I've ever lived (okay, I'm on the Peninsula but can be in SF in ten minutes). I have to go into SF quite a bit and the vibe I get from every neighborhood I've been in (from Sunset to Potrero to Downtown) and many of the people I interact with has been just very cold and unfriendly. It's a very class-segregated area, too, and if you're conservative, fuggetaboutit.

Don't go to bars in SF to find women. Find a volunteer group or church. However, meeting women here is horribly difficult since the personalities of the women (and men, to be fair) are standoffish, snobby and humorless.

Might I suggest Oakland? SF has successfully done everything it can to make it a haven for upper class, educated whites and East Asians while relegating blacks to the south side of the city. Oakland is a lot more diverse and doesn't come with the SF bull crap. I'd also suggest San Diego. Out of state, look into Texas and North Carolina cities, as you said, as well as Atlanta, Minneapolis/St. Paul, St. Louis, Louisville (surprisingly large Indian community), or maybe Phoenix.

I'm looking to move to outlying parts of Southern California, or Texas as a secondary choice, to see how I would fare socially. I actually like EVERYTHING else about the Bay Area and can even put up with the high cost of living, but the social climate is too much to bear and can depress you quickly. It's such a shame too, because if people were even just reserved but not arrogant or obnoxious, I would consider staying; the quality of life is that good otherwise.

[RabiSankor]

i don't want to get near an indian community though

[dweebo2220]

I actually have quite a few "friend-couples" here in LA who are south asian/european or south asian/east asian. Can't say I know personally any south asian/latino or south asian/african couples but I imagine it must exist.

[0'Farrell]

Probably Los Angeles. San Francisco women are horrible imo I agree.

[Newsboy]

Since you say you are Christian (and I assume somewhat conservative), I think a good large church (denomination of your choosing) with sizable and active singles / young professionals ministry is your best bet. These people will see you for who you really are and not simply for what you look like, etc. I know on the surface it might sound like nothing more than a Christian meat market, but if your are genuinely sincere in your faith and your heart is in the right place, I see nothing wrong with using church to form lasting meaningful relationships. Indeed, it's better than endless bar hopping.

I know here in Georgia, interracial relationships are becoming quite the norm and accepted within even the most conservative / evangelical churches. I don't know how far you want to relocate, but Metro Atlanta has thousands of young professionals just like you -- as well as a sizeable Indian / South Asian community for those times when you need to get a taste of home.

I also second the above poster about SFO being cold, unfriendly and intolerant. I'm a gay man a d I find the city quite insufferable. My friends who have moved there are almost impossible to be around. Their arrogance and liberal entitlement attitudes are appalling.

[RabiSankor]

I am looking to integrate into society and not go crazy for my own people. I just want to know of cities where it isn't rare to see men of my color date out. I was planning on going to NYC, how is the market there for men of my background?

[PosterExtraordinaire]

for some reason almost every indian male i knew (though all immigrants, not an american like you) had difficulties finding women. but there are exceptions of course. I known several who married beautiful white women.

The thing is, if i were to guess, san francisco/bay area along with NYC would be the best areas for you. So I dunno. it could just be a green grass syndrome going on.

[RabiSankor]

Originally Posted by PosterExtraordinaire

for some reason almost every indian male i knew (though all immigrants, not an american like you) had difficulties finding women. but there are exceptions of course. I known several who married beautiful white women.

The thing is, if i were to guess, san francisco/bay area along with NYC would be the best areas for you. So I dunno. it could just be a green grass syndrome going on.

when I didn't want them in college and high school, the opportunities flew in my face

I was too busy with work and now that I have free time I struggle

[JulianH]

Not trying to be offensive to you, RabiSankor, but it's possible that you could be being a little overly self-conscious about it and women are picking up on it. Believe it or not, confidence and a positive attitude can go a long way